I am going to be 14 DPO next week on December 1st and will test then. I am wanting to be pregnant again but I am scared to be pregnant during the holidays. I am so afraid that I will miscarry again on DH's birthday Dec 10th or on Christmas or my 30th birthday on Jan. 17th.
I almost want it to be negative just so I don't have to have that worry and possible pain. I am mad at myself for hoping for a negative. I am still praying for a positive but I am torn!
I just don't want a yearly reminder of a second loss. Has anyone felt like this?
__________________ Stacia 31-DH 36 Married since April 1997 Angel baby twins Sept. 05 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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Tested positive for antiphospholipid antibodies, Heparin/Aspirin therapy for next pregnancy
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I know exactly what you mean. Last Saturday I tested, and was praying for a positive, but yesterday in my session with my social worker, I admitted that I was scared to death to be pregnant again. I am scared of another loss. That is completely normal and understandable. The test was negative (of course!) and I felt so let down and mad. I guess this is another thing we have to work through. <--All of that aside, I hope you get a BFP!!
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What you wrote in your post is almost my exact journal entry from after my loss. I think that feeling is completely normal. Good luck and best wishes for a BFP!
I feel the exact same way as you do. 2 miscarriages in one year sucks. And if I get a BFP, I'd even be more terrified for a possibility of a third. When you get that BFP (YAY!), try to focus on the positive things in your life and hopefully that will get you through the holidays. (((hugs))))
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Noelle - my little baby, was only with us for 17 weeks and 5 days, February 7, 2005
2nd loss - my little angel, could only stay with us for a little while, 8 weeks, August 3, 2005
Hoping to remain positive, always...
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When you get that BFP (YAY!), try to focus on the positive things in your life and hopefully that will get you through the holidays. (((hugs))))
to you. I agree with the advice above. From someone who had 3 confirmed (and 1 suspected) losses in 7 months, all I can say is with TTC again, and getting a subsequent BFP, comes fear. I have been a nervous wreck since May.
The only things I can say are:
* Each PG should be celebrated as being a unique event, and you have to keep reminding yourself that every PG is different.
* The "PG After a Loss" thread has helped me to keep my sanity (or what little of it I had left, tee hee).
* Gina (Phoenix Rising) penned an AWESOME quote that I would repeat to myself over and over to calm myself and remind myself of the ultimate goal: "My desire to be a mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage / pregnancy loss."
* SheriKCMO also penned an awesome quote: "Am I going to be the person who survives a loss and lives the rest of my life as if the next one is going to occur as soon as I try again?" I ask myself this whenever I am feeling hopeless, scared, or discouraged.
* When you get that BFP - and you will - just be grateful for every day that you have with that pregnancy, because every day is a miracle.
I hope this helps. It's all that I can think of to say.
I understand your fear. Before my third pregnancy, all I could focus on was loss. Once I got a BFP I thought, I could lose this baby tomorrow, so, I should cherish today. I decided to take things one day at a time and take the best possible care of myself. I kept thinking, when this child asks me one day about my pregnancy, I want to have good memories. I don't want to only have fear to flash back to. KWIM?
__________________ Gina
Mommy to a beautiful baby girl Victoria Elyse and 1 pampered furbaby kitty Lacey
Check my album for current pictures
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Mom to 6 angel babies and 1furry angel baby
"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M.
Thanks ladies! I totally agree with everything everyone said! I need to treat a new pregnancy as a new chance. I am getting excited and hopeful! I will let you all know if I get good news. I am waiting to tell everyone until at least 12 weeks this time.
HIGHJACK: I am getting really dizzy right now and have been off and on for several days. I am wondering if it's just the hormones or maybe the prometrium? Has anyone had this happen? Please offer your ideas!
__________________ Stacia 31-DH 36 Married since April 1997 Angel baby twins Sept. 05 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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Stacia - Prometrium made me really dizzy sometimes too. Sometimes to the point where I'd be afraid to drive and have DH drive me somewhere, or change my plans.
Meghan-Thanks for that information. The dizziness started when I started the prometrium, but I wasn't sure. There have been times I haven't left the house because I was afraid to drive. I guess I will just not tell the doctor about it. I don't want him to take me off of it for fear of another miscarriage. I am taking baby asprin since he won't let me have heparin. He said a study said that baby asprin helped more than heparin. So none for me. I hope the asprin works!
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I'm scared to get a BFP, too. Althoug I'm gonna be sad if I don't get it I am just so scared of losing another baby. Gabe would have been two this month and my grandma passed away on Christmas Eve when I was nine...we were really close. So, December just sucks for me. But maybe thats what I need...something positive to happen in December.
As I was writing this Kenny Chesney's song "Who You'd Be Today" just came on my radio and that freaked me out because it describes how I feel and the things I think about when I think about Gabe. Ill post the lyrics in a different thread.
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DX 09/2005 TTC since 07/2004 and finally back on track since my hubby's homecoming from Afghanistan! On a journey to reach 125lbs again. Current Meds: Metformin 1500mg
Prenatals
Provera
Clomid 50mg
Gabriel Reece
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Every new BFP is a new chance, a new life, and you are a new mother. It is terribly hard to do, but just focus on that new baby as hard as you can, and don't give up. He or she won't be giving up on you! No one is ever truly "ready" for a new pregnancy, you just have to go for it when your heart wants a baby.
I wish you lots of luck!
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I never really tried looking at it that way. The fear is so all-consuming sometimes that its hard to think about it as a new chance. And I'm so afraid I'll get too attached and then I'll m/c again. I just don't even want to get my hopes up.
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DX 09/2005 TTC since 07/2004 and finally back on track since my hubby's homecoming from Afghanistan! On a journey to reach 125lbs again. Current Meds: Metformin 1500mg
Prenatals
Provera
Clomid 50mg
Gabriel Reece
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Scared to get a BFP... 
to you. I agree with the advice above. From someone who had 3 confirmed (and 1 suspected) losses in 7 months, all I can say is with TTC again, and getting a subsequent BFP, comes fear. I have been a nervous wreck since May. 
