Scared of Moving On

wannabamama · 03-29-2009, 06:54 AM

So, I'm still up at 4:51 in the morning. I'm slated to go back to work on Monday, after having my D&C on Thursday. I don't have to, but part of me feels like I should to try to get some sense of normalcy back for myself. I'm petrified that I may burst out crying at anything....any reminder. I could take more time, but I feel like I would only be delaying the inevitable, KWIM? I think DH keeping his feelings bottled up is bothering me too. I am giving him his space as I know men grieve differently, but I think him just talking about his feelings would help me abit.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Hope2008 · 03-29-2009, 12:58 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are absolutely right...men grieve differently and they don't understand the emotional/physical sadness that we experience with pregnancy loss. Sometimes those quiet moments require just a hug and tears to communicate feelings. We slowly came to terms with our loss at different times. My heart goes out to you and your family...

R0xyg4l · 03-29-2009, 03:13 PM

I would suggest talking to your DH to try to get some of that emotions flowing. The ONLY time my DH would shed a tear is when I'm already quite emotional. I think once he thinks I am, it makes it ok for him too.

I'm surprised your MD said you could go back to work so soon. I asked my MD how long I need to take off and she said a week. Though in retrospect I'm like my goodness what am I going to do with myself?!? But I know I'll use the time to compose myself so when I do go back to work I'll hopefully be ready. I think when you've had a m/c. You run that chance of spontaneously busting out in tears at any time. You see a mother with a baby. You see someone pregnant. I can't tell you how many things have triggered me. Essentially, you should expect to feel emotional at times.

With my last m/c I didn't deal with it right away. I don't think the magnitude of it all hit me. So I m/c at the end of October but I found myself for like the whole month of January crying at the drop of a dime. As far as officially moving on whether it be in a physical or emotional sense, you just had a m/c hun. I don't think anyone expects you to be "over it" anytime soon. These things take time. You'll get there, but it's a process your body has control of. Try to mourn, try to cry, get all that emotion out. So that way you can move on, and know you've healed healthy.

wannabamama · 03-29-2009, 07:41 PM

Tracie and Kristina - Thanks so much for your replies. It really helps to get feedback from others who have gone through this emotional trauma.

I'm teetering about tomorrow. Yesterday I almost cried when the restaurant staff sang happy birthday for a patron. Today I cried at hearing a significant song that I planned on singing for this baby's christening. My emotional side is clearly not even near ready to move on...........................

I'm going to try to get my DH to open up today.

alwayzrn · 03-29-2009, 08:56 PM

Jenn--I am so sorry to hear about your loss! Dh really didn't cry or show any emotion after the loss of our boys. He cried at the funeral of our first son, but with the second I think he was trying to be strong for me!

wannabamama · 03-30-2009, 12:04 AM

Adrianne - Thanks for stopping over here. When I joined the AA thread I think you were taking a break and healing from your loss. I am really trying to be patient and supportive of DH while I grieve too. I think once I bring the subject up, he'll open up. But, he's not an emotional kind of guy.

framin_memories · 03-30-2009, 01:40 AM

Jenn...if you feel the need to go back to work, can you do a few 1/2 days? I know that the feelings of seeing a pregnant woman or a small baby really were hard for me after the m/c.

wannabamama · 03-31-2009, 12:07 AM

Felicia - Yes, I could of done a few half days, but I wanted to at least try. I was OK today. My parents called twice to check in on me, and DH called as well. I did feel an "ache" in my womb each time I saw the pregnant ladies, but I just turned away, or walked away before they could see me. Thankfully, I didn't loose it. However, today was the first time in a LOOOONNNGGG time that I actually took my lunch time without interruptions. I need that time to gather my thoughts and get myself together to make it through the day. Today made it clear to me that this is definitely a long, tough road ahead. I'm confident that I'll make it, but still giving myself "permission" to get out any emotions that I need to when I need to.

framin_memories · 03-31-2009, 12:20 AM

jenn...Sounds like you made it through. I'm glad to hear that you took no interruptions during lunch. Do what you need to do to make it through~

tls1970nz · 04-19-2009, 07:15 PM

Jenn massive((((((HUGS))))) thinking of you, give yourself plenty of time to greive and dont let anyone tell you any different and remember greiveing comes in stages too so one day you may feel good and the next you may feel down, just go with the flow.
My husband tried to be there the best he could though the miscarriage and D&C but I felt myself getting really upset with his lack of compassion then after a while I just thought to myself that he was trying to cope with this the best he knew how.
thinking of you (((HUGS)))

wannabamama · 04-19-2009, 10:49 PM

Tracey - I appreciate your post. I can truly relate as now I am in my 3rd week after the m/c. Although I am doing a lot better, there are still difficult periods. I have realized that I am grieving, and am allowing myself just that. I also have been talking alot with my DH, pastor, etc. to help me sort through my feelings.

tls1970nz · 04-20-2009, 05:50 PM

(((HUGS JEN))) thinking of you and praying for Gods loving arms around you

wannabamama · 04-21-2009, 01:43 AM

Even more anxiousness now............

I'm feeling like cramps are beginning - You know, the cramps that mean AF is coming......

One side is excited because this means I could be TTC in a few days. Another side of me is desperately emotional and scared and not sure of anything...........

tls1970nz · 04-21-2009, 05:13 AM

I remember those feelings well and even when I got my BFP I still was convinced AF was coming. Every month that passed(6 months from miscarriage)I would feel myself getting more anxious(I just wanted to be pregnant again and every month that passed was disapointing and others around me where getting pregnant very quickly).
Thinking of you and know that your time will come very soon :-)

tls1970nz · 04-21-2009, 05:21 AM

Just a warning too and I know that not all ladies after a D&C will have this but my first 2 AF's on the first day/2 days were very heavy(uterus lining has to build up again) so I had to wear a heavy duty maternity pad plus have a towel ready for the flood when I got up in the morning.