Scared to start treatment for Bipolar II

NurseJackie · 06-22-2008, 11:40 AM

I've been seeing a psychiatrist probably about 8 months or so now. I've struggled with depression most of my life. Literally over 20 years of my life, most of the time, I am depressed. For years, I go to work, do the absolute necessities of life, but have very little interest in family, friends, activities, etc. Atleast 2 weeks out of a month, I will not speak to a soul, leave the house, do anything but work, sleep, eat. I am so tired of just not caring and having to force myself to do any social activity. My psychiatrist has said over and over that he thinks I am bipolar, but that I don't have the classic manic episodes of traditional biplar. I do have days of the month where I go out shopping, see friends, call people, and he believes these are hypomanic phases for me. Anyway, I've been taking wellbutrin for 8 months, and it has done nothing for me. So, he tells me to go home and research lamictal and if i want to try it, to make an appt to come back. So, I did and found people generally had wonderful and life changing results with this medication. I have an appointment with him tomorrow, and I am scared to death. I dont' know if it's the perceived stigma, I've known a few people who are bipolar and who have been institutionalized over and over again. I guess I think that if I take meds for bipolar, that I'm admitting that I'm mentally ill. Over the years, I have been in and out of couselling and several psychologists and psychiatrists have told me they think I am bipolar, so I don't know if I just don't want to see it. On the other hand, just that little bit of hope that maybe after all these years something could help me, makes me want to try it. Has anyone else felt this way or taken this medication?

choirmissy · 06-22-2008, 03:05 PM

DH has bipolar II. He tried many medications that helped some but didn't really work (didn't try lamictal). Zoloft has done the most good for him. You are bipolar according to many professionals & your own actions. You are mentally ill, and that's okay. The chemicals in your brain don't fire correctly. It's no different than my heart that doesn't work correctly without medicine. I think anything that may be monumentally life-changing (a disease, etc.) is scarey, but you can get through it.

Bethann · 06-22-2008, 04:11 PM

I felt exactly the same way when my doctor first suggested Bipolar II. After years and years of cycling between horrible depression and not feeling so awful, as I like to put it, I finally hit rock bottom and realized one of these years I wasn't going to make it through another round of depression.

I tried Lamictal, even though it made me nervous, and it's been the best decision I could have made. It's amazing to me how normal people get to feel--that the depression actually does go away, I don't think I can remember not being at least slightly depressed. And for me, no real side effects.

So I can't promise lamictal will be your miracle drug, but there are good treatments out there. I'm still struggling with the stigma, the prejudice, and the negative images out there of people with bipolar (many of them in my own head.) What has helped me tremendously is to look for people who are "out" in professional areas--I felt very isolated when I was first diagnosed, even in academia, which is normally very accepting, bipolar is too far out there for most people.

So the images floating through your head (at least the ones in my head) were very scary--homeless people, people in mental institutions, shock therapy. But I've learned it doesn't have to be like that. There are doctors, lawyers, deans, professors, people with bipolar, mostly hidden, but living normal, happy, productive lives.

Anyway, I hope my ramblings provide some support. Feel free to ask if you have other questions.

pal · 06-22-2008, 05:29 PM

I understand how you are feeling. When the pdoc brought up bipolar, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. Having someone (who theoretically ought to know!) tell you that you are mentally ill is not one of life's great joys. Once I got past that (still struggle sometimes...) I started thinking about what that sort of diagnosis might mean; it put alot of my emotional struggles over the years into another perspective. I had tried to control my emotional mood swings, but it was a constant, losing battle. I also realized that I could really become suicidal, and that was scary enough for me to finally face the diagnosis.

Bipolar tends to take away your ability to have self awareness of your behavior. I had done lots of therapy and felt like I could look at my behavior realistically. However, no matter how much insight I had, I still couldn't function properly. I decided to finally give it the benefit of the doubt and try the drugs he recommended. (I'm on Seroquel...pdoc wanted to try Lithium, but that had too much of a "crazy" stigma for me.) Much to my surprise the Seroquel worked...right from the start I knew what it finally felt like to have some sort of emotional stability.

When I don't take the drugs (forget, etc.) I slip right back into the "downs" so, to me, the connection between feeling ok and not so ok is pretty well estabilished. The drugs really help me.

I also don't think I have "typical bipolar"...probably more of a PCOS type bipolar that not much is currently known about. I have the downs, but hardly ever the real big ups. I also had really big energy swings (days and weeks that I was too tired to get on with daily life.) The meds stopped the energy fluctuations. It's wonderful to know that I can actually accomplish something!

I don't dwell on the "mentally ill" part of this. I try to just accept that I feel alot better taking the meds...and I'm grateful that bipolar is controllable (even if not cureable.)

Give the meds and your pdoc a chance...you can end up feeling alot better.

jillianhw · 06-22-2008, 10:47 PM

I provide group therapy (at a outpatient program and a inpatient psych unit) for people with various mental disorders incuding bipolar. Lamictal has been great for a lot of my clients. It won't hurt to give it a try. I know that taking the med means that you are admitting that you have an issue. Look at it this way - you are doing what it takes to get better. You won't be one of the people in and out of psych units (it's those people who don't take meds). No medication is a fix all - but, it is a good start. I encourage to you to give it a whirl - what harm can it do?

Gothic_Kitten_1981 · 06-23-2008, 04:45 AM

Weird. I am on Wellbutrin and Lamictal.
Lamictal at first was great! Wow! Then, about a month in, I take it, then slip into this funny dopey place. I can't hold conversations. It's weird, but it only lasts a little while.
I personally want off it.
Hubby says it helps, but I don't like the way it makes me feel, personally.

I HATE the stigma of BiPolar, as it is.

My cousins wife is bipolar, and she is effing annoying. She told everyone very loudly at christmas dinner HER FIRST ONE WITH MY FAMILY that 6 years after having her daughter her boobs still leak! Barf-o-rama! That's what I thought bipolar people were like.

Now that I know I am, it's... it's hard to get over the fact that you are STILL yourself.
You just have to hold on to that knowledge, I suppose.

thincyster85 · 06-23-2008, 02:45 PM

When my doctor told me I was Bipolar II, I stopped going to him. Now at 22 I am finally seeking treatment again and have accepted it. It's part of a cycle to accept it and it took me awhile. Starts with denial, then bargaining, grievance,etc.
But on the other hand your doctor should try more antidepressants before putting you in that category. Your response to an SSRI would send you into a hypomanic state if you are bipolar. Wellbutrin made me SO hypomanic. But just some thoughts cuz everyone is different.