Scared to take meds

Sew Crazy · 03-19-2007, 05:54 PM

To start I have struggled with depression as long as I can remember. I usually deal with things pretty well I think (Dh might disagree). Well I have had a lot happen in the last little while. In addition to our infertility and everything we have gone through with that, we are trying to adopt and had one adoption fall through in Nov. I was also in a car accident in Aug. and my body refuses to heal and I am not able to participate in the majority of activities I participated in before the accident, and when I try I am in pain for days, on top of the constant pain I have had since the accident. I then find out in Jan. that my grandfather ( the most important person in my life after DH) has lung cancer and only has a few months to live. Then I find out my husbands only brother and his wife is pregnant, which is not a problem, but turns out they have the same issues as us, but are a lot luckier than we are. The problem with that is that everyone is blaming my husband and I for things assosciated with their pregnancy like they couldn't tell anyone they were doing IVF and get support because of what we are going through. My MIL tells me she can't be happy she is finally going to be a grandma because of what DH and I have gone through, and we should be first to have a baby. Then she keeps asking for every situation if she can talk about it in front of me, and for as much as she says she is trying to be considerate she makes really stupid comments, like this morning at aerobics she tells everyone she was worried all the grandkids would be adopted and that would have been tragic. It makes me feel like my future children will be 2nd to the biological grandchildren.
Well anyway I feel I really need to do something about the depression, because my thoughts and actions are scaring me, and I just plain don't like myself anymore, and have no motivation for anything. The problem is I once took paxil for depression, but my symptoms would improve for a short time and come back even worse, then the meds were upped and I became suicidal, so the meds were upped and it became worse. If it were not for a very attentive caring DH who is also a nurse I would not be here today. I was seeing a LCSW, but my insurance will no longer pay for it, but even with those visits I think I still needed something more, but I have refused meds since paxil. Has anyone else had a situation like this? Did any other meds work without suicidal side effects?
Thanks
Sew Crazy

Bethann · 03-19-2007, 07:50 PM

I am not a medical professional, but it's my understanding that there have been a variety of issues with Paxil, many associated with it's short half-life (it clears the body relatively rapidly, meaning it's easy for the levels to be dropped.)

I don't know who prescribed Paxil for you, but it sounds like it's time for you to find a psychiatrist you can trust and be very open with him/her about your previous experiences. There are other anti-depressents that work differently from Paxil (and the other SSRI's), including some that are pretty new and might not have been around last time you tried medication.

I don't know what a LCSW is, sorry, but is it possible for you to see either a psychologist, or a psychiatrist who also does some counseling? Generally, a combination of therapy and medication works better than medication alone.

Whatever you decide, please take care of yourself.

patti plummer · 03-20-2007, 01:26 AM

Hey--Just wanted to let you know my experience with Paxil. It was not a good one for me-I almost dropped out of school while using it. I am now on Lexapro and Wellbutrin which have been pretty good for me.
Take care--I am sorry you are having a hard time--Keep connecting here
Patti

Sew Crazy · 03-20-2007, 09:29 PM

Thanks for the replies.
Patti, I am glad I am not the only one with Paxil. I have heard things in the media, but whenever I have mentioned my experience to anyone, including the doctor I was seeing at the time acts like that could never happen.
Bethann LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker. My new insurance will not pay for me to see any mental health professionals until I pay a $1500 deductible, which we have no way of paying for at the time unfortunately.
I did make an appt with my allergist/environmental MD for next week. I need to see him for allergy shots, and DH and I decided out of all of my doctors he would be the best to handle the situation. He will actually look something up if he does not have the answer, and call me to give me articles and info to make a decision on my care. The big thing is he has always let me have input on my care, and not just told me what to do. DH said he would go with to help explain and talk about whats going on with MD, which is relieving to me.
Thank you for your concern, it means a lot. Hopefully I can get this all figured out.
sew crazy

LucyLu · 03-29-2007, 08:32 AM

Hi,

I was given Paxil the first time I accepted that maybe I needed meds. Very bad experience.

I spent years after that afraid to even try medication, until I hit bottom, and allowed friends and family t see treatment for me.

All antidepressants react differently with each person, but for me a combination of Effexor XR and clonazepam has been my life saver for 4 years now. It took time to find the right combo and dose.

Most intenal medicine or family doctors can prescribe these medications, and I would suggest you go with a doctor that you trust and feel will listen to you. I see you have selected one and that's a great start.

Good luck, and most importantly just remember that you are not alone, there are plenty of us out here who will listen.

Sew Crazy · 04-06-2007, 12:37 AM

Well I went to my MD appt. last thurs. I was very dissappointed in the outcome. I told my MD everything going on, and he said you have never complained of any of this before? I told him I have been in denial and scarred to do anything about it. He basically told me he does not believe in depression, and there is always an underlying cause that can be fixed. Problem is he has fixed a lot of my issues health-wise, he considers to be triggers, and I am still depressed. He told me to take st. johns wart. This is the first time in 4 years I have ever had a complaint about this MD. I did start taking the st. johns on monday, I was wondering if anyone else has taken it. I am know trying to get the courage to see someone else, and trying to decide who I would want to see, and try this all again. I am trying to keep seeking help and not get discouraged.

want2beAmum · 04-06-2007, 04:34 AM

/Im very sorry about all the issues going on in your life, and this can be the cause for your feelings, but please go see someone! a clinic, perhaps... tell them all that your going through, as for antidepressants, there are so many out there, and everyone is different, so its all about trial and error, ive been on many since i was a teen, and currently am on celexa, which i have recently realized is not working as it use to , so it may be my time for change, ........... I really hope it all works out for you, keep us updated!!! good luck!

mel19 · 04-09-2007, 04:50 PM

Sew Crazy,
You are not alone. Infertility is such a difficult thing to live through, it's hard to put it into words. I'm still struggling so I don't have any magic advice but try to take care of yourself. Do little things that make you feel better and let your dh help you. Now I tell my dh when I'm having a 'sucks to be me' type of day and he'll make an effort to watch a funny movie with me or just hang out. My dh's brother and his wife have an 11 month old and another on the way so I can relate to your situation. I have found that being upfront with them and telling them when they say something hurtful has helped.

I don't know a thing about antidepressants but I hope you can find a doctor who understands.