Fisrt off, let me tell you ladies that normally I am a very happy, loving person, so this is odd for me, and I just need to know if it will pass...
I can't stand my husband - I mean, I really could care less if he's even on the planet, in fact I find myself feeling very hateful things about him. I know a lot of this has to do with the way he acted during the time I was pregnant and while I was miscarrying, but I honestly am finding it very hard to get over. I cringe when DSS comes over, and I hear him say "My baby boy" , I have a very short fuse right now and I find myself wishing I could just go away from both of them. I have a lump in my throat just typing this.
Now my dh wants to wait to TTC again. I think he's so selfish, I know he just wants to wait because he wants to have his motorcycle on the road this summer - it's so obvious. WHY am I good enough to raise his kid with someone else, but not have my own? All he is doing is making me hate him, and I don't want to hate him - we just got married. He just isn't the man I thought he was, and it took this to make me see and I'm mad at him, and in turn I'm not being nice to him - this hurts my soul...
Are these feelings ever going to go away? Has anyone every felt like this?
Thanks in advance Ladies...
__________________ My IVF Mircale has arrived! My baby boy - August 10, 2009
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My Angel - 12/08/2005
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Have you tried talking about your feelings with him. It sounds like you are resenting him for his actions. Does he show any emotion at all about the M/c. Is the reason because he wants his motorcycle or could it be that he is afraid of you m/c again and using that as an excuse.
We have talked a little, but he acts like the m/c didn't happen at all. He says he feels confident that the next time we get pregnant it will all be normal and I will carry to term.
My husband is very selfish and he always has been, that is nothing new to me.... it was just something that never really affected me before. But it does now, and it is right in my face, because for the first time it's his wants/desires before mine.
__________________ My IVF Mircale has arrived! My baby boy - August 10, 2009
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My Angel - 12/08/2005
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he is having a very guy reaction. i'm sorry he's being such a jerk. you will feel better. he really needs to know just how much this hurts you right now. it may not even sink in if he's doing this but i think he may be doing the whole ignore it and it will go away thing. it's obviously not what you need. he can't know how the next pregnancy will go. it seems like he's got his head in the sand. all you can do is be honest with him about how you feel and see if he responds in a mature manner or keeps ignoring your pain. even if he doesn't fully understand, he has got to be there for you. that's what marriage is. getting out how you feel will help you process the emotion. it's always a good thing. sorry for your loss, hon.
Was it "easy" to get pg. Maybe he doesn't realize that with PCOS it is an actual disease and some of us end up m/c multiple times and that you need his support. Sometimes it takes a long time to get pg and the longer you wait the smaller the window gets and the less the chances. I think that is one of the reason my Dh wants to keep trying even with his job uncertainty. He is in the navy. It could be he just wants you to be more positive. Men feel helpless when they can't fix the problem.
i am so sorry, pm me please.....we can talk i am angelbear240272@yahoo.com and the same at aol......i just lost a baby the 14th we can talk to each other ok
First let me say I'm so very very sorry to see you on this board. I had a m/c in august- and I'm still trying to be *normal*... even though logically I know I'll never be the same. I completely know how it feels to resent your DH- I tried to talk mine- because his response was "I was expecting it".... WTF??? Nothing I said seemed to get through to him... finally about 3 weeks ago I got through to him (& it's almost been 6 months since the m/c). He basically admitted that was the only way he knew how to deal with the loss- but I made sure I told him that it wasn't OK -- that he needed to understand that not only was I going through the emotions of it all- I was having to go through it physically too (not to mention hormonally).
My doctor was a huge help- I finally broke down to her and she told me that I was most likely experiencing some post partum depression- Basically, I was hating my husband, and crying a lot, not wanting to get out of bed... I felt like I was in a haze... I didn't think you could have that with a m/c but she explained that it can happen. I'm not sure if that's what you're experiencing- but I just wanted to you know you're not alone- and maybe in some very small way that can make you feel "okay" about the feelings you're having. Above all, you have to be completely honest with DH- and maybe you can take him into the doctor's with you- so he has to experience what you're going through.
I'm here for ya- if you need anything at all- PLEASE don't hesitate to PM me.
very sorry for your loss. i think some resentment (ill-will) to dh is probably normal. i had it in spades, especially during my m/c and right after. i was just a bit behind you timewise (about a week).
dh couldn't understand the whole thing -- he thought it was a one day event -- and there i was bleeding almost 2 weeks! and he definitely did not (and still doesn't get) the "it was a baby" part. we had one doozy blow out (while i was still bleeding!) but i think it helped clear the air.
it took me a while to realize we were not mad at each other; we were just mad about the whole thing. (okay, and a bit mad at each other)
in hindsight i think my hormones were raging (even once i thougth they were done). that may or may not be the case for you.
you are also grieving. men and women go through the process differently. that sucks, and it may seem like he's obvlivous, but if he were really so horrible you wouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place.
aside from the suggestions (all good) from others, can you try to do something for yourself? with or without dh? pamper yourself. indulge yourself. do something, or nothing at all, and don't feel guilty. take a sick day if it's the only way you can get a day to yourself. or even an afternoon or an evening.
you are not happy with dh now, but you will be again. as with all other if things, it just may take some time.
Scary feelings, will I every be *normal* again? 
Meredith
