I never in my life thought I would be so upset NOT to have AF. I actually remember the first time I got AF (age 11, 2 month before my 12th birthday) I cried every month that year and wished for it to go away! The point I suppose is to be careful what you wish for because you might just get it, huh?
Before BCP's I was not that irregular...AF always showed up, just a bit late sometimes! Dr. said I needed to be on BCP's to be sure I could get pregnant more easily when I was ready, so I have been on BCP's for the last 6 years. AF came like clockwork! I went off in June with AF in progress and started Met. I took the Met for a month and like clockwork I got AF in July, with much more cramps and greater flow, but I was thrilled. I was actually niave enough to think I was "fixed."
WRONG! I guess it was from the BCP reserve or something because for two months now...right around the time AF is due I feel all the symptoms that any second it's coming, BUT... NOTHING!
I have to say God Bless You to all of you ladies who have done this for years and had to go through years of many more treatments and medication than I have. I'm falling to pieces and feeling so "broken!"
I know I am weaker than a lot of you...I feel so bad that I am not 'normal"...I hate being on medicine and watching people eat whatever they want and stay so skinny. I hate seeing terrible parents have several kids and knowing that all of us are struggling so. I hate that I seriously have more hair in places than my practically hairless husband!
I haven't had any noticiable results in 3 months of 1500 mgs of Met. Still fat...still hairy...still have not ovulated...no AF... AARRRRGGGHHH
My birthday is next week and I should be thrilled, but instead I am feeling like the window of time for conceiving closing more and I am so sad about this! I don't want to be 29!!! I'm not ready yet!
I am sorry to rant on and on, but I know that no one in my daily life could possibly understand PCOS or how I feel...you ladies are the only people I know to rant to...I'm sorry about that, too!
I so feel bad for falling apart, but everyday I hold everything together for other people and in front of them and tonight I feel like I need to just get this all out of my system!
Thank you for reading this and if you have any words of wisdom, please write them to me! Thanks!
I don't really have any advice but wanted to say good luck to you. I know how it feels to feel "broken"; it's not fun. We are NOT broken - we are "unique"!
__________________ Lean cyster ~ M/c @ 10 wks after seeing heartbeat 8/04, m/c @ about 10 weeks after seeing heartbeat 8-09. 2 chemical PGs lost @ 4.5 wks 1/05 & 3/05. 4/05: Dx w/antiphospholipid antibody syndrome.
BFP on Thanksgiving 2009! Due date August 9, 2010. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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i don't have any advice either, but i do have an understanding of how you're feeling. we are extremely lucky to have SoulCysters ... if it weren't for our fellow Cysters, we'd be stuck dealing with all the morons and people who don't have a clue about PCOS. don't apologize for "ranting", we all do it and we all NEED to do it sometimes. remeber, it can only get better from here. (((hugs)))
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oh honey, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. {{HUG}}
But PLEASE don't lose hope. I was on met for 13 months..yes you read right...13 months before my hormones started to get in a more normal place, and 18 months before my periods were regular. My Dr was threatening to pull me off it and my labs were still 2x normal. Hormones don't get bungled overnight, and we can't rush our bodies. Even the best habits can move stubborn hormones slowly. I know how hard it is to be patient, but we have to give our bodies the time they need to get things under control.
The good news is that there is lots you can do. By making healthy eating choices (moderating carbs, fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains etc) and regularly exercising, we can lower our hormones even faster than just letting the drug do the work. So decide that no matter how you feel, you're worth the work to start to feel better. The scale wasn't moving and I was still not having anything close to a regular period, but I told myself that even if the scale didn't budge, I was making my heart stronger and making myself healthier on the inside. After 3 years on met, I'm at a healthy weight, my periods are like clockwork, my cholesterol labs and insulin labs are normal. Slow but steady still wins the race.
Take care...
__________________ Christy
33 yrs, 1 precious hubby, 2 miracle kids, At Goal Wt for 4 yrs, Trygly's down 445 pts, Free Androgen down from 20 to 2, 3 half 'thons ran, 2 mtns hiked, 1 crazy run in the Rockies, 4 forest trail races, profiled in 2 magazines...1 woman determined to kick PCOS butt!
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lookinbetter - they're right. we all feel that way - sometimes more often than not. your "rant" was a rant for many of us. and if it helps, keep 'em coming!
I am so overwhelmed at the support I have found here! You ladies are a blessing to me! I really feel like no one in my daily life can understand the stress, confusion, and anger that PCOS brings into life. Thanks for all the support and hugs!
To all of you- Thank you for being my cysters and "listening" to me rant on and on! (((hugs back)))
christyz- 13 and 18 months sounds like such a long time!! You are such an inspiration to me! Thank you for replying with your story. I KNOW you know how I feel! THANK YOU! I have ordered the IR Diet Book and am hoping that it helps, at least a little! I've been doing pilates for a few weeks now and I have started walking a few nights a week! I am deciding to take care of myself and see how it goes from here! I'll keep you posted!
SCREAMING, AF...where are you? 
