Self-image daily thread - Page 110

Evren · 02-09-2009, 02:38 PM

Just generally feeling a little blah.
Fat and pretty damn ugly..
I've tried for so long to lose the exess, but it wont budge.
I want to be all sexy and....well, Sexy.
Meh

sleepswithbutterflies · 02-15-2009, 05:14 PM

This is a fab idea for a thread! I seriously need a rant...I've been on the verge of tears all afternoon and this evening. I'm just sick to death of feeling hideously unattractive and the odd one out. My skin has broken out into spots so badly, worse than it's been for a year. I feel like a beached whale and every time I look in the mirror I can't believe how unfair this all is. I just can't seem to lose any weight. I mean I don't need to lose too much but it just gets to me so much. I went through a period last year when I literally didn't eat for 2 months and I don't want to get back into that mindset. I just want to feel attractive. I want to like me.

Naymarie · 02-18-2009, 01:08 AM

Trying to find the simple happiness in my life again... so far I find a little here and there, but not any major accomplishments yet ~ tomorrow is yet a new day

malissa_28 · 02-25-2009, 08:24 PM

today I'm having insecurities with my self image. I feel like this most days. I wake up in the morning and do my daily routine for work, but when it comes to looking in the mirror I just want to cry. I wish the acne and the acne scars would just disappear, that I would just wake up one morning and they would be gone completely. I feel so bloated and uncomfortable. I am so greatful that my husband takes me for who I am and not for what I look like on the outside. He says I'm beautiful, he is truelly my best friend.
I thank god for my beautiful daughter.

Naymarie · 02-28-2009, 08:02 PM

I'm struggling with my body image a lot lately. Although I am told I don't need to change I just feel so sick of being over weight and looking like this... but it seems as though this is as far as that goes. I may eat well or work out or both for a few days - but that is as long as it lasts! I'm still searching for my motivation...

alaskaflygirl · 03-13-2009, 10:21 PM

My skin's looked great for the last two days. Even though I indulged in a beer last night, I didn't bloat from it. I look in the mirror and, for the first time in far too long, am not displeased with the physical appearance reflected back at me.

What I do see that bothers me is the lack of vitality. The passion for life spark is missing from my eyes, my posture is slack, my smile is haunted by the fear of the next medical nightmare.

The last two months have been hell: first the worst endometriosis pain I've ever had, then winding up in the hospital thanks to the worst Crohn's flare in three years, then I come home to contract my first headcold in over two years. It's a cycle I don't want- how bad will the pain be next time? How much work will I miss? How many days will I spend bed-ridden, popping Vicodin and trying every relaxation in the world to deal with the pain?

I want to live again. I don't care how I look anymore. I just want to go back to being "that girl" everyone looked up to: vivacious, challenging the world head-on, and FUN.

RumblePie · 03-14-2009, 02:02 AM

I got on some sites to look and see. What was out there? Men who only wanted to talk to women who were skinny. This made me very very angry.

One said he was nonjudgmental. RIGHT
Then he went on to say a woman's size said a lot about her soul.
OK I learned a lesson. Mean guys who can't find regular dates because they are really um.... undeveloped personalities and women who meet them notice this in their eyes. So these men end up on these online sites.

So today I'm reeling in anger (AGAIN) and not feeling very good about my life and my struggles. I am not feeling understood. Except by you wonderful people who know what it's like to eat a 4 ounce anything and gain 16 ounces of weight.

Dvin · 03-14-2009, 03:34 AM

Looking like crap today... Wondering how many more crunches and working out and small portions of food until something actually starts working... and wishing I was blonde, so hair in the wrong places wouldn't be so noticeable. -sigh- Still... thankful for the nap I got in today after school and exercising.

gabscoffey · 03-20-2009, 10:12 PM

Hi. So, I'm gonna spill my PCOS life story, because I don't really know who else to say it to, and I feel that I need to get stuff out. I'm 16. I was diagnosed nearly a year ago. It shocked me, because I've always wanted a family and immediately assumed that I was infertile, yet gave me some relief because I finally realised why I was overweight, with no change despite diet/exercise, and why my periods were so painful and heavy. I've been struggling with my weight ever since. I was put on Yasmin as soon as I was diagnosed, and put on 8kg in three months - 17lbs - and have yet to lose the weight. Now I'm on 750mg of Metformin a day, but I don't feel like it's helping. The disappointments of diet/exercise for a time, the feeling that I'm losing weight and getting healthier, only to find out I'm not are horrendously painful. The girls at my school are all thin and athletic, and I'm the fat one in the background. I overcompensate for my physical ugliness by being overly loud and obnoxious, a personality trait which I hate. I've never kissed before. My best friend is having regular sex. I lie about my sexual experience. When I'm out, and perhaps feeling good about myself, looks from men go from interest when they see my face, to disgust when they look at my body. The person I see in the mirror isn't me. I've been self-harming for three years. I'm seeing a therapist, but I feel that I can't move forward until everything else is solved. I don't know what to do. My parents have no idea about PCOS, my shrink doesn't really either (or doesn't express if she does) and I'm the only fat girl in my year, so I have no one to turn to. My best friend looks at me in disgust and pity. She's gorgeous. I told a guy I liked that I liked him. He said I was like a sister. I wanted to throw up - instead, I self-harmed. Comfort eating is my best friend. I bake to make my parents happy, to rebel against my bro's overbearing control over my food intake, and to allow myself to binge without anybody around. I don't know what to do. Now, having written all of that, I feel like an idiot. I joined this forum to find people who understand, and I hope that somebody does.

Dvin · 03-21-2009, 02:25 AM

Gabscoffey- I know how you feel, completely. My best friend weighs 90 pounds. It's a hard school life out there when the new look is to be stick thin with no chest or bum, and you're the fat girl, looked at in disgust. I've diet and exercise'd for long periods of time with no results that I was expecting, either... but PLEASE don't feel like an idiot. Self harming really doesn't help... I've tried. Gorging on food doesn't, either... you feel good eating and then wish you could just throw up all your weight later.

It all sucks, but... at least you aren't alone out there. It's a better life when you start to really take control of it, decide never to gorge or hurt yourself again... and there ARE people out there who won't just go for lust. They're just harder to find, but when you do find someone... it's a weight off your shoulders. Just don't give up, alright? ^^

Also, to be on topic: Feeling pretty bad right now myself. Hungry because of cutting my diet down to 900 calories, and tired because of my four workouts a day. Hoping for results, but.... not too hopeful. -sigh-

MeganR · 04-03-2009, 01:24 PM

gabscoffey, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I am 20 years old and only had my first kiss a few months ago. It was with a guy that turned out to be a creep and I am glad I only kissed him the once. It wasn't that he was so attracted to me, either, just a creep who would have kissed anyone. And it wasn't that great. I feel like the ugliest thing to walk the earth 90% of the day. I have NEVER had a boyfriend and only the one kiss while my friends are dating and having sex on a regular basis. I am 20! I cry 6 days out of the week (even though no one notices it becaus I am sure to hide it) because I feel unwanted. The guys check out the girls next to me and I may get a few looks, but not enough to actually draw a guy near me. High School was HELL. All of the other girls had boyfriends and were going out and having fun and being able to relax for thirty seconds because they weren't terrified of what they looked like. I wasn't diagnosed then and couldn't figure out why I couldn't eat the same things everyone else was eating and not gain weight. I couldn't figure out why I didn't have a period for 6 months. I couldn't figure out why I was so depressed. Even now I could cry and I hate that. I hate being on the verge of tears everyday. I hate feeling like I should just end it (I don't think I ever would even if just because I couldn't leave my dog and cat, whom I adore). I can never seem to get a boyfriend. The guys just don't want me.

Right now I don't have medical insurance so I can't afford birth control or even the dentist so I am experiencing all the symptoms of my period without actually having one. I am just so sick of it all. Sick!

I can tell you right now that your not having a boyfriend has NOTHING to do with your weight. The irrational part of my brain tells me that it does everyday, but the smarter and much reasonable part KNOWS that it doesn't. Give it time. It will happen, even if you think it won't. I struggle to have faith in that everyday, but in the end, faith is all that matters. Just continue to be you and it will happen.

Right now my self image is pretty okay (for five minutes at least), but my skin is breaking out because of my lack of birth control and I wish it would go away. I have always have great skin but now I am breaking out in a big way. I hope it goes away!

Naymarie · 04-10-2009, 03:54 PM

Ladies, I want to just drop you a little ray of hope. Men are not the greatest thing to have walked the face of this earth - friends are better! I understand the issues of PCOS, I'm married and still if someone is really attracted to me or if he just want's someone around to please him. It definatly isn't a cake walk - and you have to start liking your self first! I too had issues in high school and wasn't dx until my senior year a couple months before graduation. I learned to hide very well even in a class smaller than 170 ppl!

I know it's hard and very painful, just keep your chin up and look at yourself in the mirror - do you see now how beautiful your eyes are? Or the color of your hair? Or how long your eye lashes are?

There is a bigger plan for you ~ just hang in there!!!!

UnwiltingRoses · 04-18-2009, 04:18 AM

Struggling with my self image as I do every way. Wondering why people can't be more accepting of plus size/overweight individuals. Wondering if I'll ever be loved by anyone...

Jodik · 04-19-2009, 10:43 PM

This certainly is a great thread. Diagnosed last year with PCOS. Now I understand why I'm so depressed and everytime I look at myself in the mirror I feel like a fat, nasty slob. It takes me forever to get ready whenever I go out. Especially doing my makeup, trying to cover up the pimples that cover my face. No one understands, and they always say "it's not that bad". I've tried evrything and nothing ever works, like always. I'm hoping Metformin will help in some way. Just needed to vent. It's nice knowing their are other woman out there who feel the same way I do.

Trishajb · 04-20-2009, 10:58 AM

I went from 160lbs to 216lbs in 2 years. I am now covered it strechmarks and cellulite. I feel like a fat blob. I hate getting undressed. I can't stand to look at my body. I am dealing with excess body hair. It seems to grow eveywhere but where it is supposed to. I can't leave the house without plucking or shaving. I'm losing my scalp hair. I can see my scalp easily now. I fear that I will be bald by the age of 30. I have a rash under my breasts that doesn't go away. I can only assume that it is from insulin resistance. I recently discovered that my breasts, which I have been unhappy with since I hit purberty, are tubular. The deformity is more obvious now that I have gained a lot of weight, just another reason not to get naked. I feel like a monster. It's hard to love yourself, when you can't recognize the person you have become. I no longer know the girl who stares back at me in the mirror. It isn't me. I hate her!!! This disorder has robbed me of my looks, confidence, and fertility. I feel like I've lost everything.