Self-image daily thread - Page 113

ABee · 07-27-2009, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by femmecyster

Just great! I got my monthly for the second time this month and this is actually the first time this has happened to me and I was wondering for starters if anyone has had a similar experience. On the self-image side of things I still haven't been feeling all that great these days about how I look. I mean just waking up to another day of hair has been just... mortifying. I have to constantly keep in mind if I shaved off all the excess and am left feeling extremely self-conscious if I notice anyone looking at me or if I am under the impression that my stubble is showing.

Femmecyster, please take a preg test to make sure you really are having another period and not a problem pregnancy. I thought I was getting my period twice this month and it turned out I was pregnant with an ectopic. I'm bleeding now for the 6th week straight, but that's the least of my issues with this ectopic of course. I have my fingers crossed that you are just having an odd cycle, but I wanted you to have a heads up that my "odd cycle" was not that at all....

ABee · 07-27-2009, 03:58 AM

I know life is unfair, and I also know I have a lot to be thankful for.

But I look around me, at people who have babies without even trying, at people who only have hair where they are "supposed to", at people with naturally clear skin, at people who can eat oreo's and french fries and milkshakes without it affecting their weight, and I feel so jealous and angry and hopeless.

Why?

In 20 years, I will be this same person, with PCOS. In 20 years, this will be the same question on my mind.

Why?

I know it's not right, but I keep thinking WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS LIFE SENTENCE?

Yes, some people are dying and suffering from hunger and cancer and abuse/neglect. I dedicate my life to helping others. I believe it's my duty as a member of society. But how can I help others well when I myself am so flawed?

I am angry. I am sad. I want to be someone who isn't afflicted with all of this.

Naymarie · 07-27-2009, 05:56 PM

I am having such bittersweet feelings right now! The girl that I considered to be my best friend for several years announced to me about a month ago that she's pregnant. Her situation isn't a very good one and I just wonder why she gets to have a baby and I don't. I wanted to curse her out for not being more careful and ask her what in the heck she was thinking. But I'm being the good friend and keeping my jealousy to myself. I, inturn, since she considers me her best friend am the one planning/giving the baby shower. I am now wondering why I am putting myself through this agony. I look at all the people that I grew up with that are having babies and those young girls I go to school with who are not in a committed relation ship who are also having babies. I just don't get it. I'm married, we have a home, 2 dogs, I'm going to school to better myself career wise, he's got a good solid education. What is it? I just don't get why we aren't the ones who finally get to celebrate. Why must I be happy for everyone else all the dang time? We even have most of the baby stuff!

My husband and I had started to go through the adoption option but then he felt like I was giving up on him. I'm not! I just know that by the tests that have been done things aren't going to happen for us with out going through very invasive procedures that I'm not willing to do.

I just really wish my life had an EASY button right now!

kristen09 · 07-30-2009, 10:35 PM

I have some positive and some negative to report.

So my endo ordered me to cut carbs out completely, just have 1 cheat day every 2 weeks. I tried, I really did, and this was dr ordered, but I just couldn't stick with this, and then I got angry at myself on a daily basis b/c I couldn't stick with it, which just compounds the problem. So then I decided to go on the carb-addict diet, which I'd done 9 years ago. You eat carbs (a controlled amount) once a day, and the rest of the day veggies and protein. Well, at 23, I lost 24 pounds the first month, no exercise except the walking I was doing from one class to another in college, and a total of 65 pounds. I got down to a size 10. Then lost of stuff happened, I got depressed, started eating again, and here I am. So anyway, I have been doing the carb addict diet for a month now, and the scale has not budged. Plus, I've been going to the gym 3x a week, I do the recumbant bike (the only thing I'm allowed to do since I had foot surgery) and I started weight training 2 weeks ago. Still, no weight loss, and I don't notice a difference in my clothes. I know I'm older than I was in college and lost all that weight but come on, at least a pound or 2!! It's so discouraging. I am also on bioidentical progesterone and natural thyroid meds, though the endo said technically my thyroid was within normal range.
The good thing, since I try to be more positive these days, is that the exercise has done wonders for my spirit. And people have noticed a change in my mood. I'm not losing it like I used to (work is really bad, and there were times, almost weekly, where I'd crack up and start crying at my desk). And now the exercise has become routine, so I don't struggle with not wanting to go to the gym, it's just not a question anymore, I just go, and I want to, my body wants to.
I still feel like a fat hairy beast, and I still haven't gotten up the nerve to join a dating website like I've been talking about for months, because I fear what men will say or think when I finally have to tell them about the PCOS and the facial and body hair. Therapy and this website have helped a lot, but I'm still not quite there yet.

Naymarie · 07-31-2009, 01:40 AM

I'm not in a very good place right now. Today the Sheriff came by to serve us our Foreclosure papers. This was expected because we got notice from our lender that they have chosen to send us into foreclosure. The main issue that I have though is that the date the lender told us is MUCH different than the date on the notice from the lawyer's office. The date we were given from the lender was December 31st. The date we are now being told is Oct 13th. This means that, since we have only 2 months (basically), that we will most likely be homeless. This is something that pulls on my heart strings more so because it's hurting my husband's attitude/mood more than mine. It hurts so bad to watch him go through this and not be willing to look at fixing what is currently fixable. I am thinking the reason I'm not gushing tears yet is because a part of me still holds out hope that this will be fixed somehow.

Naymarie · 08-02-2009, 11:43 AM

Oh man is today ever starting out as a crappy day!!! I went and looked at my grades for my summer classes and could NOT believe what I saw! I was having a hard time with my research paper which was the bulk of my grade for my writing class and apparently he didn't like what I wrote! He failed me

SO now I get to retake the class, but this may be an issue because I don't know if I'll be suspended for a semester now or what. Ohhh man I'm so sick of this crap! Why can't life just have an easy button for once?!

femmecyster · 08-03-2009, 11:36 AM

I am feeling so down in the dumps today. I have some pressure on me at work because I have to run a group next week on client satisfaction and I have never run a group before not to mention that it is taking a great deal of time for me to get up the energy to become prepared for it. My anxiety is at an ultimate high and I feel depressed and worthless. It took all of my energy today to get out of bed and take a shower. Sometimes I feel as though I am really losing it and unluckily right now is one of those times. I have hit the bumpy slope.

Cindy84H · 08-04-2009, 06:34 AM

I haven't contributed to this thread, but I feel I need to at this point.

I got fired a few weeks ago and it was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. I've had depression issues before, been on meds, went off meds to TTC (which when I was diagnosed with PCOS), and never went back on them. I've been slowly sliding down that hill for the past couple months, but today I finally lost it. I cried. and cried. I sobbed uncontrollably for hours. My poor husband came home and found me curled up in the living room surrounded in tissues. I cried more and more in his arms and finally admitted I'd been sliding for the past few months and that I've been crying pretty much daily for the past few weeks.

We've recently moved, but tomorrow I'm goign to call my NP in my hometown and see if she'll prescribe me some Celexa. I've been on it before when I was a teenager and I want to try it again. I thought i'd be ok but I'm not.

There isn't a point to my post except to get it out there. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll continue plugging along.

frustratedwife · 08-04-2009, 05:17 PM

I feel so BLah!!!

femmecyster · 08-05-2009, 11:56 AM

Last night I cried in my partners arms because I was feeling like a monster. Being different and taking seven different medications for several medical and mental health diagnoses at the age of twenty four is leaving me feeling down and out. I have high anxiety for most of the day because I feel that people can see the more noticeable symptoms of PCOS and are judging me because of them. I am lucky however to have a good man in my life and supportive friends who tell me that I am beautiful and yet I know that I get them all upset because I don't believe them half of the time and this gets me down in the dumps as well. Today I am also grateful that there is a website geared towards others who share my experience and who I can reach out to on a daily basis. I see my thereapist today so perhaps this will also make me feel better in the long run and I can go on to enjoy the rest of my day. Keep me in your thoughts and I will keep you in mine.

frustratedwife · 08-05-2009, 10:37 PM

Today has been one battle after the other. It first started with having difficulties sleeping last night due to pregnancy I suppose. I had to get up and use the rest room 3 times! I don't even feel like I drank that much close to bed time, and of course once I was up my mind started reeling and I couldn't for anything fall back to sleep. This started around 7am and dragged on until 9am when my husband so sweetly climbed into bed to hold me for a little bit before he had to go to work (we haven't been sharing beds because I have been so restless that between my tossing and turning and his snoring I hardly sleep at all) but all that I could see was that he had snatched my blanket which I was using between my legs to help support my back. I selfishly scolded him for taking it and he replied that he was only trying to keep warm and wasn't aware that I was using it. Crabby and ashamed I stubbornly climbed into bed and faced the wall as I tried to relax my body in hopes to catch a little bit of extra sleep... I must have tossed and turned enough in the few minutes that he was there because he held me for a few moments and then quietly snuck out. Angry with my stubborn self I lay there until I finally drifted off to sleep again, to be woken up at noon. My eyes still heavy I relunctantly dragged myself out of bed to start my day... It's so depressing when there's no one around to wake up to. Usually I have the internet to distract me while I am feeling down, however today was different, my husband had taken my little wireless internet card in with him to get checked out because it was running redicuously slow, so I knew that I didn't even have that until maybe 12am Midnight (however I managed to borrow a friend's for the time being). Shortly after that I received a call from my husband with the good news that the internet card was working properly again after some updates... now the hopes are that it works good when it gets here an hour out of the city. While on the phone I was lounging around on my couch only to what I thought was rub my leg and catch it on a sliver... without looking I pulled what seemed to be a piece of fuzz with a sliver in it that had caught onto my leg and looked down to see a wasp like insect!! Eww! I freaked out and quickly flicked it off my shirt and surveyed my leg. The venom hadn't taken effect yet for all I could see was what looked like a good sized chunk it stung out of my leg. I ran for the fly swatter to kill it and then my leg started swelling really badly and hurting like no other. It swelled to about the size of a quarter with a larger ring of redness surrounding the swelling tissue. I've never been stung before so I was thinking great, when I'm pregnant really is not the time to find out if I'm allergic or not! I quickly squashed and flushed the insect then tried calling my mom, I remember reading a book on remedies to wasp stings but couldn't remember quite what I was supposed to do. It continued to swell and throb and even became somewhat numb. Needless to say I was panicing a little not really sure if that was normal or not, however I'm stubborn enough that I'm not going anywhere until I make myself look somewhat decent. So I quickly tried to pluck my chin which was taking far too long and made me want to scream that I should even have to worry about such a thing... and apply my makeup. But the time I was ready my mom called me back and told me to take some benadryl, which just so happens to knock me out. Good thing I took it though, because I was starting to feel sick to my stomach and a bit dizzy... once I took that I continued to try to finish up with fixing my hair so that I could beat the effects of the drug and hopefully be somewhat ready in case after I'd be knocked out for awhile I wanted to go somewhere that I wouldn't have to go through the WHOLE getting ready process first. About half way through fixing my hair I was completely drained from the effects of the benadryl and abandoned the remainder of my hair to go and lay down. This was about 2pm, and I didn't wake up again until 4pm. Now the sting is hardly noticeable and hurts very little... but my whole day is gone! My mom came over to check on me on her way back from her Dr appointment and discovered that I have some sort of wasp nest in the trim around my air conditioner. What next!?! So now I'm sitting here hungry,... alone, with a wasp sting on my ankle feeling crappy. I know that's not an exact description of how I am feeling, but more or less a description of why I feel so glum today.

kittenxo · 08-10-2009, 05:26 AM

Hi im new here but I wanted to post in this thread. Today I was walking down the street with my bf and some 15 yr old kids started screaming out abuse at me saying fat pig aswell as other things im not super overweight just a tiny bit ive never felt so bad it made it 10x worse that I was with my bf so embarrsing :*( , I suffer from depression and Im also addicted to codine I was taking 40+ tablets a night I have been off them for 5 days now but after today I feel like going straight back on them

artistic1 · 08-11-2009, 04:31 PM

i haven't posted here for a bit, but i know all of the feelings expressed, it hurts when ppl make fun of you but usually those ppl do so to feel btr about themselves, try and think about the ones close to you who really care about you and think only good things about you... that's what i do. I've been feeling a bit 'ugly' lately but I try and think about how lucky i am to have a loving dh and family. so even if ppl look at you funny or make fun of you, don't let it get you down. your bf won't even care, he picked you!

Carebear1211 · 08-11-2009, 09:05 PM

Today...my gorgeous coworker asked me why I always hide behind my curly hair...i hate acne.

kristen09 · 08-12-2009, 06:29 PM

I feel like my life is falling apart around me. My house is in foreclosure and the bank refused to modify the loan (I only got behind b/c of the house--mold made me so ill I nearly died, the dr and meds were so expensive I couldn't pay the mortgage for a few months). Then I had a severe plumbing leak, so I had to shut the water off and move to my mom's, and it will cost at least $600 to fix the main leak, but there's another. So I have to find a new place to live NOW. My diet isn't working and I'm not losing weight, my endo is going to yell at me when I see him next week.
The only good thing is that a guy (HOT guy, blue eyes, muscular, not an ounce of fat on him) told friends of mine that if I'd been there, he'd have been up to hooking up with me. ME!!! 5'1", 245 pounds. So that was quite an ego boost, I've only dated 1 guy and that was 6 1/2 years ago! I can't stop thinking about this guy and what he told my friends!!!