Self-image daily thread

[want2beAmum]

hey there, i understand how you feel! im 33 just recently engaged and getting married next year, to a wonderful man, took a long time to find mr right but when you do , you just know!so were ttc#1, and i have had pco since i was 18, were gonna try with medication after the wedding , unless it happens naturally on its own!!! good luck.......... and if you want to chat im here!!!

[janna07]

Hi! This is really fantastic! I've never been into any site that allows me to be myself and care not about how people might think of me. Thanks.

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janna07
Addiction Intervention --Have more options on addiction intervention

[true luv]

I just found this self-image daily tread today and I am so glad I did. I just wish I found it sooner.

I have been suffering from depression since I was 10 years old, on and off medications. In the last year I have gotten much worse, I have been off meds for 2 and 1/2 years and am thinking about going to go get put back on them when I go to my doctor next. I am very hesitant because the last time I was put on meds my doctor told me if I get depressed again I will be on meds the rest of my life. Addiction runs in my family and the last thing I want to do is get addicted to pills. But I don't know what to do anymore. I also suffer from insomnia, I will be up for days at times and then when I finally fall asleep (more like crash) I will sleep from 12 up to 20 hours and when I do get up I have no energy or motivation to do anything around the house. I don't do my makeup anymore and I ware comfortable (baggy) clothes because most of the time I can't fit into my nice clothes, there has been times when I buy new clothes and 2 weeks latter I can't fit into them anymore. I have went from 125 lbs to 195 lbs in 3 years. (maybe less) I have always struggled with my wheight and I finally got to a point where I was happy with myself and then my Pcos symptoms got really bad and everything started the hair falling out and growing, acne, wheight..etc.. When the symptoms got worse so did the wheight, I have somehow managed to loose 20 lbs since Christmas but have stoped loosing.. you would think that would have made me a bit happier but it didn't. I have gotten to the point where I don't like going to see friend because I don't like the way I look, I don't like meting new people, and on top of that I don't like seeing people I haven't seen for a few years. (which I have to do tomorrow) That happened to me at a wedding, when I was just starting to gain wheight the grooms father came up to me and said "wow you've gained so much wheight"...Like I didn't realize that... So now I get panic attacks when I have to see someone I haven't seen in awhile. I go threw crying fits, mood swings and I have become so negative. All that put together makes me even more depressed and stressed. Sometimes I don't know why my fiance stays with me. When I get in my moods he does everything cooking, cleaning..etc.. Sometimes I don't know if thats a good thing or not because he doesn't talk to me about how this is effecting him he just starts cooking or cleaning. Then I start feeling guilty or even mad at myself because he shouldn't have to do those things when he gets home from work, I don't work so I think I should be the one doing it, not him. I just wish that there was a miracle cure for Pcos and everything that comes with it. Today my mood is okay, but I know that tomorrow when I have to go get dressed in clothes that don't fit properly so we can go see people I haven't seen since I was about 135 lbs I will get depressed and start hating the way I look allover again.
Sorry for my big long babble. I just don't know what to do anymore and I have so many emotions that to me it sound like all I do is babble.

I would really like to see more cysters on this thred more often, I think it is a grate idea. And for those of you that started it, Thank you.

[true luv]

Looks like i'm the only one on here, but I will keep it up in hopes that people will start coming back or new people will start to join.

Well today I felt really bad, I have lost 22 lbs since Christmas and for the past month I haven't lost anything (I haven't gained ether. Thats the only good thing) and I am so afraid that if I stop loosing I will gain it all back.

I had to go out today and see people I haven't seen in 2 years and when I got up and looked in the mirror I felt so ugly and fat that I chickened out. It was going to be a couples day out but I just couldn't do it and when I told my fiance I started to cry but he just thought I was being childish, he told me he couldn't see why I was so self conscious because he think I am beautiful and that that was all that matters. Then I felt even worse because that should be all that matters but it's not for me, I have had to many people look at me like "what happened to you" when I haven't seen them for some time and I just don't think I can handle it anymore. So in the end my fiance went alone (with the other couple). Today I just wanted to stay home, than feel like crap around another couple.

Come on everyone where are you!!

[nenni]

This thread is such a good idea.

Today I'm really hating my image. I'm very overweight but today it seems so much worse than before! I've not been eating that much at all and the weight just keeps coming on. I notice it more with the clothes I'm wearing. So I'm staying indoors. I seem to keep banging inton things more and I put that down to me being so overweight and to big to get past things. I've suffered from depression since 2000 when my Dad died of cancer. I self harmed for 3 years and I struggle everyday with the urge to start again. I gave in 2 weeks ago because everything just got on top of me. Now my weight is bringing me down and I'm on the verge of tears but trying to hold it together so not as to cry infront of my mother.

I just know if I bottle things up anymore, I'm going to crack. Typing this is kind of helping, in a way. I don't know my weight and at the moment I dont want to know what it is. Maybe that's foolish? I dont know. I am trying to eat better (which has been going really well) and I've been going mild excerise as well but THE WEIGHT JUST WONT STOP! I keep catching a glimps of myself in the window and really hate what I see right now.

Sorry. Just needed to get this off my chest.

[true luv]

Welcome to self-image daily nenni. Thank you for joining me!

Today I feel okay for now, anything can set me off though.
I haven't weighed myself in a few days by I feel if not smaller, than healthier. But it might just be i'm not retaining water LOL.
I would love to feel like this everyday, all day!!!

I hope more people start to join here again!

[nenni]

I'm glad to join you!

I don't feel as big today as I have been. I feel as if I've lost a lot of the weight I felt I put on. I guess it's back to yoyo weight again. I do feel really tired and unhappy about me. So I'm staying indoors all day. Lock myself away. Wont have to deal with anyone's crap

[true luv]

I'm staying inside today too... I don't want to take any chances...and it's raining anyways...The last time I weighed myself I was at the same weight for a month and I felt like I was gaining so I've stoped recently, I have been very depressed about the way I look, and with everything else that comes with PCOS so I'm trying to avoid anything that might upset me.
I'm a homebody and I love it most of the time LOL.

[true luv]

Today I feel good, I stoped weighing myself like I said in my last post but decided to today and I have lost another 2lbs.
I hope I can keep it up

nenni, I hope you are doing ok today

[Bizzy]

Hi....I'm new to the boards.

I'm feeling very unattractive today. That doesn't change often. I weighed myself today and realized I've gained 20 pounds, which makes no sense even including the stress of final exams for my classes--rehearsals for my show have started so I should be losing weight with all of the ridiculous dancing I've been doing. Instead, I've gained 20 pounds in two months. It makes me really sad...

I don't have very many good self image days. I even look back on pictures that should be good self image days and I don't think that they are (prom, graduation etc.)


Edit: After posting that, I realized I didn't say much of anything. My name is Elizabeth but I go by Bizzy on message boards usually (easier to type). I'm 20 years old, about 5'1", and unfortunately 193 pounds. I was hospitalized for depression for five days during my junior year of high school, and even though that was nearly four years ago I still have bad days (none as bad as those, thank goodness).

I was diagnosed with PCOS some time after being hospitalized--before I started my senior year. I used to live in NJ, but now I live in CA and I'm still very homesick even after living in CA for over a year.

I have a doctor's appointment next Wednesday which I'm scared for. I ran out of birth control so I haven't been taking it (I'm hoping that's why I gained weight...) and my period when I get it is always terrible, debilitating and 'dear g-d just let me get a hysterectomy, I won't be able to conceive anyway'.

I've probably depressed everyone. Sorry. I just thought it would be good to give some information...instead of just saying stuff and meandering off..

[sarabara]

I love the idea of this thread. It makes me think "let go and let God" - just get rid of it! It isn't doing us any good!

Bizzy, welcome! I am new here as well. I think we all have days where we hate the way we look. Even if I lost the 100 lbs I would LOVE to lose, I'm sure I'd still find fault with myself somewhere. Keep your chin up and your feet moving! And stay off the scale!! I bought one a few months back and lucky me, it broke from my niece and nephew jumping on it. I never returned it and I never bought another one. The way your clothes fit is a much better way of gauging weight loss.

Do you think because you have PCOS you can never conceive? I hope not because THAT ISNT TRUE!! There's women with PCOS that conceive all the time! I've heard of women that adopt because they were told they could never have kids and they go on to have their own.

I hope you find answers and friends here! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here!

Sara

[Bizzy]

Sara,

Thank you so much. Today I spent most of the day outside at a block party, which was nice, but I was lookinga t my neighbor who was so in shape, so pretty--she's beautiful--and I dunno. I was jealous.

I know that you can conceive. I know it happens. But, one of my big diagnostic factors for PCOS was that I never ovulated. Ever. Maybe once a year, if I was lucky.

I didn't know there are tests for PCOS...are there? I had an ultrasound but they say they didn't see anything. Now this was with a medical group that I don't hold in high esteem but still....


Anyway. My self image today wasn't as bad as yesterday. Even though I was jealous, when I think about how I looked today I dont'; want to cry. That's always an improvement.

[sarabara]

Hi Bizzy

There are tests that they do to check for PCOS. I'm really exactly sure what the tests are checking but they drew a bunch of blood and did an ultrasound on me.

I was thinking, maybe you can use your in shape neighbor as your role model of sorts. Tell yourself every time you see her "THAT WILL BE ME SOME DAY!!" Use it to help you, not against you.

I can honestly say I've never really thought about my self image alot.....until i joined here lol.

I am 23 and I've only had a couple periods ever. I've never ovulated (that I know of) but I'm not gonna give up hope that I WILL HAVE CHILDREN! I see my OB this week so hopefully he'll have a plan for me!

Best wishes,
Sara

[Bizzy]

This is not really related, but I wonder if maybe I was misdiagnosed? When I had an ultrasound there were no cysts that I was told ofl...hm. I dunno.

As for self image, better today. Lots of dancing at play rehearsal (I'm an associate director and our current show is Grease, so I spend all day Sunday with the group rehearsing--teaching the little kids, running dances, drilling lines etc.)

[jap]

this thread is a pretty awesome idea, i don't know how often i'll actually post on this but i'll try it out.

self image= pooh

so today was one of those days you achieve something and then the rest of day, you do nothing. i'm taking an intro psych summer course at the university of toronto, and my 2nd midterm was this morning, i think it went alright.

but that isn't important.
actually, nothing i'm writing is important.
god, i'm such a loser.

so pcos related stuff:
-i bought Nizoral 2% for my hair yesterday and used it for the first time this morning. i can't do anything with my long dark thin hair. i'm not sure if this is really cuz of my pcos or the fact that the first 2 weeks i was in the hospital last year, i couldn't brush my hair, so a lot of it fell out when they actually washed it.
-i don't know what to do with my chin-beard, i Nair-ed it for a while, but by the middle or end of the day, the beard is somewhat noticeable, i didn't nair it this morning, i started plucking instead, we'll see how long this lasts...
-the weight? i've been off the pasta and bread for a while, but i've only lost about 5 pounds (since i got home from montreal so about a month). i was hoping to be thinner (atleast under 200...currently at 210) by the time i see my family in india (who i haven't seen in 15 years) at the end of the month.
-i've got an appointment w/ my endocrinologist next friday, the 22nd, i'm hoping to be put on some sort of medication. i'm pretty sure i need it...

thanks for reading this stupid post.
<3