Sexual abuse stopping me from conceiving?

momo_baby · 09-23-2009, 02:27 AM

Hi Everyone,

My Husband and I have been ttc for 6 months now and after I found out I had PCOS I went to a gynecologist for help to see if everything was okay.

I had a laparoscopy done on Monday and he had a look around and found nothing wrong. My tubes were fine and all I had out of the normal was a black cyst on my right ovary which he removed.

He's said that the reason he thinks I'm not getting pregnant is because I'm not ovulating and he thinks the reason could be that I was sexually abused for 10 years during my child hood and thinks that part of my brain could be completely shutting down and just not working.

I get all the signs of ovulation and positive OPK's but no temp shift or period so yeah.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Any ideas on how I could get my hormones to start working properly again =(

I hate how something so horrible that happened to me is still holding me back in something that my Hubby and I want so bad!!

smeets88 · 09-23-2009, 02:36 AM

I can't offer much advice, just that i too went through abuse as a child that STILL affects me to this day in many many ways. Who knows, maybe thats what was wrong with me???

AmberRN86 · 09-23-2009, 02:41 AM

Just adding some validation to the theory. I was sexually abused as a child too.
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Celestial_Star_Gazer · 09-23-2009, 03:40 AM

I too was sexually abused as a child... I think in many ways it has effected my life today. It was around the time when I was abused that I began to put on weight and I truly believe that I did that as a way of "protecting" myself. I think it very well could be a psychological issue playing into and contributing to the physical aspects of it as well and thus interfering with your TTC efforts.

Have you undergone any type of therapy to deal with the abuse?

meggowiggle · 09-23-2009, 04:15 AM

First, I want to say how sorry I am that you girls went through that. It angers me on so many levels; you are strong, and I admire you for that!

I was not abused as a child, but I did go through an array of sexual problems from a very, very young age: confusion, experimentation, heightened interest, and then disastrous therapy because all of that. It's a disturbing dark space in my childhood that has stuck with me to this very day.

I know a lot of cysters have had sexual problems in their pasts, whether it was abuse or otherwise, that has caused significant psychological distress. I do think there is a mind-body link, and am interested to follow this thread and see what we may uncover.

momo_baby · 09-23-2009, 04:31 AM

Yeah, I have had lots of therapy in the past few years and am now healthily dealing with it. I have a great therapist I can talk to whenever I need and I was lucky enough to see her two times a week for two years. I don't see her as much anymore as I've learnt from it a lot. It was just a bit of a blow when I heard that it could bring me down one last time but if that's the case, I will find away around it.

It's sad that people are so cruel!

natalie24 · 09-23-2009, 04:34 AM

i was also sexually abused as a child.i cut all contacts with that side of my family when i met df as he gave me the courage and support to do so,but although i have done that it still affects me in so many ways.
i have never spoken to a professional about the abuse,maybe that would do some good maybe.my mum also died when i was 14,and i think i still have issues with that.
good thread momo baby,im glad you did it,i wouldnt have been too scared to start the topic.thanks.xxxx

momo_baby · 09-23-2009, 04:52 AM

I'm sorry to hear that,

It's terrible how these horrible things can happen to us when we're young and we have no control over it and then in the future when you try do something like have a baby it could even affect that. It's bad enough that it effects nearly everything else in your life when it happens to you.

After talking to my gynecologist who said he's had a few patients who weren't ovulating or weren't getting pregnant and in the end it was put down to the big possibility of sexual abuse, I went to talk to my therapist who said that Yes, It's very common for parts of the brain that deal with sexual stuff to shut down or not work properly if you've been abused.

It makes me angry but also gives me hope that it's something I can overcome.

I think being mentally healthy is just important as being physically healthy. It's just a little confusing as I do feel mentally healthy as I've put in a lot of work dealing with this.

Maybe my body just isn't ready and wants a few years of rest! Who knows!

Thanks for everyone who's sharing their stories. You're all so brave!!

Acajou73 · 09-23-2009, 10:52 AM

I was also sexually abused as a child by my cousin, his friends and some boys in my neighborhood. It went on for years. Like Helen, my weight shot up. I attempted suicide many times. From age 7 on... I have MAJOR trust issues because of this. I can't say that it stopped me from conceiving though. I conceived 4 times without help mainly due to met, exercise and weight loss.

Acajou73 · 09-23-2009, 10:55 AM

I also had therapy. It didn't help. I told my parents just about my cousin when I was 11. They didn't believe me. They even invited my cousin over for holidays. Years later, they started to and apologized. They said that they didn't want to or just couldn't deal with it.

aprildurham23 · 09-23-2009, 05:38 PM

I am so sorry to hear about all of that from each of you. You are very strong for being able to deal with it, and the abusers make me more angry than anyone else in the world.

I was never abused as a child, never had any weird sexual experiences...just the "normal" stuff I suppose. I had a good childhood, and I feel well adjusted as an adult. Never depressed, never have taken any meds...all around just happy. Even being fat! I don't eat emotionally, or have any problems that make me heavy or infertile other than the fact that I like the way food tastes. *drool*

So I am very surprised that your doctor would diagnose you as being infertile because of sexual abuse as a child. (Unless the abuser did PHYSICAL damage as well as mental.) It may be more difficult to be intimate with your partner - but your "brain supressing your body into not being fertile" has never been proven. If you are extremely stressed during your cycle thinking about how your abuse corrolates to infertility - THAT can hinder your chances. Stress in any form disrupts your hormonal balance, in conjunction with emotional eating, being over weight, or PCOS in general.

I would focus on your stress levels and mental health during your cycle. Realize that you're not the only one who this has happened to and there are many people who can share in your journey.

Anonykat · 09-23-2009, 06:06 PM

I've read before about a connection between CSA and PCOS. The mind/body connection is a very powerful thing. That doesn't mean it can't be overcome, however. The bastards may have had the power over victims as small children, but the power doesn't have to continue.

Anyone who sexually abuses any child should be be hung by their eyelids from the town square and stabbed to death with pitchforks.

Not that I feel strongly about it or anything.

aprildurham23 · 09-23-2009, 06:15 PM

I think all their appendages should be cut off.

smeets88 · 09-23-2009, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonykat
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I've read before about a connection between CSA and PCOS. The mind/body connection is a very powerful thing. That doesn't mean it can't be overcome, however. The bastards may have had the power over victims as small children, but the power doesn't have to continue.

Anyone who sexually abuses any child should be be hung by their eyelids from the town square and stabbed to death with pitchforks.

Not that I feel strongly about it or anything.

HELL YEA!! LOL, girl power!

momo_baby · 09-23-2009, 08:31 PM

Yeah, I agree!!!!!

I don't deal with the bad after effects of it like at all anymore though.... I'm not stressed out about it during my cycles and I'm open about it. I have no problems being sexual with my Husband.

My gynecologist didn't diagnose me with that being the problem but he said it's likely as he can't see any other reason for it. And he's had woman before who's had the same thing.

When you're abused as a child your brain can "tune out" and shut down. He thinks the problem now is that bit of my brain that makes me ovulate is still not working properly which isn't so much an emotional thing but something I'll probably have to take medication for.

I have 3 more week of taking my temps and I'm up to day 36 in my cycle with no ovulation and if I don't ovulate on my own or even if I do but it's later than 40 days than he's going to let me try clomid. I'm excited that there's hope!!