Apologies if there are/were already threads on the same topic... ^^;;
I'm a 19 year old, currently deeply unsure about my sexual orientation. I have a boyfriend, and for most of my life until my late teens felt primarily attracted to guys. In the past few years I have suddenly felt increasingly strong lesbian desires to the point where I am now genuinely considering the possibility of being lesbian (I identify myself as bisexual). The manifestation of my PCOS symptoms and lesbian feelings more or less began at the same time. (Well, kind of... I had a girl crush when I was 14, before my PCOS became obvious).
I'm curious to know whether others think that I am inherently lesbian/bisexual, and it was always a latent thing even before my PCOS kicked in, or whether the PCOS has actually been the major contributing factor in making me doubt myself (I think I do suffer from quite high testosterone levels).
I also sometimes have a weird feeling of being neither male nor female, or combining the qualities of both. I've always been boyish, never liked wearing make-up or 'feminine' clothes, etc. Is this 'androgynous' feeling something that anyone else can relate to? : (
On a side note, the idea of being lesbian really isn't an issue or a concern for me; I'm not homophobic in the slightest. I'm just confused by it all...
On a side note, the idea of being lesbian really isn't an issue or a concern for me; I'm not homophobic in the slightest. I'm just confused by it all...
You tell me when you figure it out! I'm 27, and just wandered in to post something along the same lines. I've always tended more to the guy side of things, but my early crushes were always girls. It's been a looong time since I was with a girl (22? 23?), and we're only talking making out, never sex. I've ID'd as bi since I was a teen, as I've always known that I'm at *least* attracted to women AND men. It's not that big of a deal for me, as one of my aunts is a lesbian, so it was a non-issue in my family.
I've been single for a few years while I got set up in a new town. I saw an old flame this weekend (a guy) and while it was nice to get some action, it was less than nothing to me. I get excited about the possibility of a hook-up, but the minute we start anything, I'm thinking, "Oh well, I wonder how much longer I have to put up with this until I can go to sleep?". I have a good time, but I'm just not into it at all. Which reminded me that that's how it ALWAYS is with guys. I've never found a girl I liked enough (or they were already dating someone, etc), to go very far with so I just don't have any ways of comparing my experiences!
My question to you, and the rest of the ladies is this: For those of you who were with guys before you came out/solidified your feelings/etc, is this how you felt? I read coming out stories for girls that always seem to say, "Oh, I never got off with a guy, it grossed me out, etc", and neither of those things is true. It's more like I immediately realize I'm totally uninterested.
__________________ Kt (27!) dx: PCOS - July 2007, IR/Pre-diabetic - September 2007, IBS/Hiatal Hernia - June 2008, GERD/Barrett's Esophagus - July 2008 Currently on: Yaz, Met 2x1000mg/day, Activia yogurt+Prilosec OTC 1x/day Not TTC, no DH, just me! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win.
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For me as a lesbian i kind of always knew but did not want to admit it. I tried to act boy crazy even had a boyfriend but there was no attraction there for me at all. it was always woman i look at. Then at 31 just over a year ago i accepted i am in fact lesbian. I never been happier i finally knows who i am.
__________________ Lisa 33 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Renee (Nay) 27
dx PCOS 1993
dx IR 2004
Dx 2007 type 2 diabetes
metformin 1500mgs
Rainbow Cyster
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I kind of relate to that. It's not as though I've stopped experiencing any attraction to men- just that I feel ambivalent sexually towards men. And as you said I'm not 'grossed out', but I can find sex a chore at times (I would think for someone my age, this is kind of weird). It wasn't always like this though, I used to have a raging libido. ^^;
For a while I was wondering if I was asexual since I seem to have stopped having any interest in sex at all. It seems like I get attractions to male friends, have relationships with them (or want to), but feel some doubts about whether it's really what I want, or a feeling that something's missing. I don't want to assume I am lesbian because I've never had any sexual experiences with another girl, and there's no point assuming I'd prefer it (I do strongly get the feeling I would, though...)
From what you've said, I would probably say you're a bisexual with a preference for women. I sort of suspect this of myself, but I can't say for sure that I'm not definitely in the one camp.
I guess I'm confused because I'm not the kind of gay/bi woman who just knows and always knew, for as long as they could remember. Maybe it takes some people a long time to confidently identify themselves, I dunno. It just seems like no one I talk to about it understands what I mean or hasn't had the same uncertainty themselves. :/
I think at 19, your sexual self is still developing. My honest opinion is that most lesbians knows what they are from the start. They may have dated men, but from early childhood on they feel the attraction toward females.
I think that you probably aren't a lesbian, just because you say you have always been attracted to men. This desire to explore another side of your sexuality has only developed in the past few years. Could it possibly be curiosity? I think it is very, very normal for women, especially at your age, to be curious about it and experiment.
I also wonder if your testosterone levels are elevated? There are theories that women with PCOS may have these feelings more because of our wacky testosterone. I think these are probably the women who didn't feel the attraction toward women until they were older and their testosterone increased, versus women who have always known they were lesbians.
I wish I could give you more advice. For a long time I wasn't sure whether to consider myself straight or bisexual, because of my tendencies to be attracted to women. In my late teens I did quite a bit of "experimenting" on both sides of it and enjoyed both. Finally I came to the conclusion that in my case there isn't a clear cut answer. I have however been in a happy relationship with my DH for 10 years, so generally regard myself as being straight. That's not to say that my personal fantasies don't involve women, because they often do.
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I think at 19, your sexual self is still developing. My honest opinion is that most lesbians knows what they are from the start. They may have dated men, but from early childhood on they feel the attraction toward females.
I think that you probably aren't a lesbian, just because you say you have always been attracted to men. This desire to explore another side of your sexuality has only developed in the past few years. Could it possibly be curiosity? I think it is very, very normal for women, especially at your age, to be curious about it and experiment.
I also wonder if your testosterone levels are elevated? There are theories that women with PCOS may have these feelings more because of our wacky testosterone. I think these are probably the women who didn't feel the attraction toward women until they were older and their testosterone increased, versus women who have always known they were lesbians.
From a very young age I've found socialising with boys comes far more easily to me, and I often feel awkward/out of place around other girls. While I wouldn't go as far as saying I knew I was lesbian or bisexual, I have always felt 'different' somehow- never confidently able to box myself into any category. My early attractions were all to boys but as I said in recent years I feel like I've lost sexual interest in men (not entirely, but it's rapidly dwindled). I always check out other women now. I have a LOT of platonic male friends and a lot of them treat me as if I'm another guy. As far as I know, this isn't something the majority of straight women would say about themselves.
I'm also really obsessive about anything that involves lesbian romance- books, films and the like, and I find myself moved more deeply by lesbian love stories than heterosexual. If it weren't for these things, I would definitely put it down to curiosity- but I get the feeling these are feelings that I'm just beginning to realise and want to explore.
From a very young age I've found socialising with boys comes far more easily to me, and I often feel awkward/out of place around other girls. While I wouldn't go as far as saying I knew I was lesbian or bisexual, I have always felt 'different' somehow- never confidently able to box myself into any category. My early attractions were all to boys but as I said in recent years I feel like I've lost sexual interest in men (not entirely, but it's rapidly dwindled). I always check out other women now. I have a LOT of platonic male friends and a lot of them treat me as if I'm another guy. As far as I know, this isn't something the majority of straight women would say about themselves.
I'm also really obsessive about anything that involves lesbian romance- books, films and the like, and I find myself moved more deeply by lesbian love stories than heterosexual. If it weren't for these things, I would definitely put it down to curiosity- but I get the feeling these are feelings that I'm just beginning to realise and want to explore.
Most of the things you say about yourself apply to me as well, but I still consider myself straight. I prefer guy friends over girls as well, always have. Personally I have always chalked that up to growing up with a brother and male cousins. I was never your typical "girly girl."
I'm not trying to argue with you, so I hope you don't get that feeling. I just wanted to point out that I think these feelings you have are somewhat normal for women, even those you consider themselves straight. I personally am of the school of thought that if you are lesbian, you are born that way. Could you be bi? Sure... But given the fact that you said your PCOS symptoms and same-sex urges began at the same time, and the fact that you said you were attracted to guys before, makes me think there is a strong possibility that you are dealing with curiosity as well a some sexual identify confusion caused by your PCOS hormone changes (elevated testosterone, as well as increased male characteristics).
Just my opinion though LOL!
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I'm open to all advice/opinions on the topic. ^^
It's an intereresing take on things, though, since almost everyone I have discussed it with basically agrees with my view on it, and doesn't offer anything suggesting an alternate perspective (other than my boyfriend, who understandably finds the whole thing a bit upsetting). You could be right, I think probably the majority of lesbians know from an early age. But there are also plenty of women who spend years wondering why something's always missing with men and then it all clicks when they have a relationship with a woman.
I dislike labels, to be honest. I would probably say that most people don't fit neatly in any category and are capable of feeling attraction towards both genders at some point in their lives. There are some very straight and very gay people who are totally exclusive, but most people are somewhere in between.
Maybe I should stop obsessing over how to label myselfand just let my feelings come freely...
Maybe I should stop obsessing over how to label myselfand just let my feelings come freely...
That probably isn't a bad idea. Have you ever had a relationship with a woman? You may find it lacks something for you too. Could some of this relate to other issues (maybe depression)?
Good luck with all of this. I know it can be confusing, and our goofy PCOS hormones don't help one bit LOL.
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I can relate to you Sarah. I often feel asexual. I have and always have had more male friends. Most of my female friends are also more compatible being friends with men. I have always been with men, but find women very attractive and have had a few girl crushes (mainly in the way that I just want to be around a certain girl, not so much have a sexual relationship). I am quite dominate and get very irritable with men doing things for me (or trying too)or trying to take advantage of me because I am female. I also get irritated at the women who pull the "I'm a girl, I can't do that" card.
I believe you are right, you need to stop trying to label yourself. We are who we are and male or female we love who we love. It doesn't mean we are straight or lesbian for life, it doesn't mean we are weak or sick or normal.
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You tell me when you figure it out! I'm 27, and just wandered in to post something along the same lines. I've always tended more to the guy side of things, but my early crushes were always girls. It's been a looong time since I was with a girl (22? 23?), and we're only talking making out, never sex. I've ID'd as bi since I was a teen, as I've always known that I'm at *least* attracted to women AND men. It's not that big of a deal for me, as one of my aunts is a lesbian, so it was a non-issue in my family.
I've been single for a few years while I got set up in a new town. I saw an old flame this weekend (a guy) and while it was nice to get some action, it was less than nothing to me. I get excited about the possibility of a hook-up, but the minute we start anything, I'm thinking, "Oh well, I wonder how much longer I have to put up with this until I can go to sleep?". I have a good time, but I'm just not into it at all. Which reminded me that that's how it ALWAYS is with guys. I've never found a girl I liked enough (or they were already dating someone, etc), to go very far with so I just don't have any ways of comparing my experiences!
My question to you, and the rest of the ladies is this: For those of you who were with guys before you came out/solidified your feelings/etc, is this how you felt? I read coming out stories for girls that always seem to say, "Oh, I never got off with a guy, it grossed me out, etc", and neither of those things is true. It's more like I immediately realize I'm totally uninterested.
I had a very similar experience. For me, it wasn't that I knew I was gay every since I was little. I may have been a little bit of a tomboy, but I still liked girly things, especially when I was a pre-teen/early teenage years. You really can't stereotype these things, ya know? I dated guys until I was 19 years old (almost 24 now), and I was even "boy crazy" during my early teenage years. I know this is TMI, but when I first had sex with a guy, all I could think was - that's it? This is what everyone's talking about? Stupidly enough, of course I felt like I had to do it to keep a boyfriend and well, that's what couples did, right? It just never did anything for me, I just felt like it was something I would "let" a guy do, but I got nothing out of it.
Then eventually, I got involved with girls and haven't really looked back since, lol. It was just a TOTALLY different experience - it was like the missing puzzle piece. Now I finally understood what everyone was talking about with sex, but I only felt that with the same sex, not guys. Also, it's not just physical, but the emotional connection was always greater with girls...I fell in love easily, where as with guys, I don't know what it was. It might have been love, but after being in relationships with girls and looking back, it didn't compare to that love. So I don't know.... just my $.02.
I understand totally! I was always a "tomboy" as a child, I guess my main role model was my grandfather and he always smoked cigars, had a flask of bourbon and drove black cadillacs and wore suits. The older I get the more I realize that I am like him in alot of ways. I have not shopped in the womens section for more than a random item here or there in years. I consider myself androgynous, and I like to be with androgynous people sexually as well. It is my *big* turn on I guess. Now what I mean by my being androgynous, it means Ill wear a pair of loose mens trousers, pointed toe dress shoes, a pyramid belt a womens dress shirt with the girls on parade a loose mens tie and a blazer. To me its both a fashion and a feeling, I really connect how I feel on the inside with what I look like on the outside. I also keep kind of a modern twist on a mid length 80s rocker haircut so that to could swing in either gender.
I am attracted to feminine men and butchy women. My S.O. is perfect to me, first off she is gorgeous. But she dresses kind of masculine and has some traditional male protective traits as well, her hair is kind of inbetween a male and female cut to. I love it. I personally ID as bisexual...but the men Ive been with have been on the verge of being gay themselves or crossdressers...and alot more feminine than me. I still prefer my ladies tho...I could never spend my life with a man thats the simple blunt fact of it. There is just such a much greater connection for me with with women not even just sexually but emotionally as well.
in recent years I feel like I've lost sexual interest in men (not entirely, but it's rapidly dwindled). I always check out other women now. I have a LOT of platonic male friends and a lot of them treat me as if I'm another guy.
It's probably increasing testosterone levels -- or at least a shift in your hormonal balance towards testosterone domination. I think that is often detected at a sub-conscious level, but may actually be evidenced physically in terms of pheromones.
It's probably increasing testosterone levels -- or at least a shift in your hormonal balance towards testosterone domination. I think that is often detected at a sub-conscious level, but may actually be evidenced physically in terms of pheromones.
Just as a point of interest ('cause studies aren't ever particularly reliable), Kat recently posted a research study disproving the whole "testosterone=lesbian tendencies" thing. Check the research articles link.
__________________ Kt (27!) dx: PCOS - July 2007, IR/Pre-diabetic - September 2007, IBS/Hiatal Hernia - June 2008, GERD/Barrett's Esophagus - July 2008 Currently on: Yaz, Met 2x1000mg/day, Activia yogurt+Prilosec OTC 1x/day Not TTC, no DH, just me! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win.
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I started university 2 weeks ago and I've joined the LGBT society, befriending quite a few lesbian girls through it, all of whom are lovely and one or two of whom I kind of suspect might be a little interested ;P. I went out last week for the first time to gay/lesbian bars and I must say I loved it. I got quite a lot of attention from both butch and femme women and one girl grabbed me and kissed me, which was... interesting... O_O Talk about flattering!
Sexuality/gender confusion 
