Sexuality/gender confusion - Page 4

juliebird · 04-24-2009, 08:05 PM

Wonderful thread everyone and thank you all so much for sharing your stories. I am straight but have girl crushes from time to time, generally rooted in a sense of wanting to protect her. (My girl "type" is petite and "cute". Ironically my guy type is big, tall and protective and my DH is 6'5".) In my twenties I always felt more assertive than most girls and had more guy friends, etc. I also went through a time when my sexual urges would get so strong I felt almost predatory, like I would bang any guy just look at me the right way and I would be yours! It was dangerous and I fought it, lol. But I kind of feel sorry for teenage guys. Thank goodness now my sex drive has calmed down. Anyway, all this reminded me of a great article in Oprah Magazine. I don't think I can post links yet so I would just encourage you to Google "O Magazine Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women" to find the article. Great stories!!

elocinintherain · 04-24-2009, 09:31 PM

I am bi.
I was always one of those girls who wanted to hang out with boys, who did really mean things to barbie (lol), who dressed like a boy, and who made swords in the backyard out of broomsticks and spraypaint. All of my best friends have always been guys.
I knew from an early age that I liked girls too. All of my first sexual experiences were with other girls. Yes, I have dated guys too, and while I enjoy sex with them (sometimes, lol), I feel more "intimate" with other girls. I don't think it's a matter of testosterone, my levels were still in the normal range. I think it's a matter of sexual preference and personality.
To the original poster: do what makes you happy. Don't try to box yourself into labels, especially at your age. You don't have to be straight, bi, or lesbian, you just need to be YOU.

mkkelly · 04-25-2009, 05:40 PM

i always think labels are such a silly idea- but i get why they are used. There is a comfort in being able to identify what makes you different. if there is a name for it, than it normalizes all the things you're feeling. The problem with labels is they can be confusing. What a one label means to one person might be completely different to another. I often find that when i don't have the energy to get into a debate about these intensely personal and intimate things, i will tell people that i'm queer in some way, and leave it at that.

squidge63 · 05-07-2009, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joyblack

So what is the testosterone going to do for you if your voice has already dropped and you can grow a real beard and I think you said elsewhere that you already have a large, erectile clitoris? Will it help your clitoris enlarge further? Will they release the shaft of your clitoris or is it already free?

How have your relatives and longer-standing friends and colleagues taken your transition -- or how much do they know of it?

Joy, not sure what the testosterone injections are going to do for me to be honest as I have already gone through all the masculisation already thanks to my own testosterone. I have no idea if it will increase clitoral growth again, possibly my voice will drop even lower and I presume I will just get more hairy but who knows... if i can get off the spironolactone then i will get my hairyness back again, I have to see my GP about that as my dr at the gender clinic has written to her about it...

My friends are fine with my transition, even if they dont quite understand it they are happy that I am happy. I havent told my dad at 87 dont think he would take to it real well, and to be honest the only thing i do when i go see him is shave, my looks havent really changed that much, as I have always looked masculine.

joyblack · 05-08-2009, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squidge63

Joy, not sure what the testosterone injections are going to do for me to be honest as I have already gone through all the masculisation already thanks to my own testosterone. I have no idea if it will increase clitoral growth again, possibly my voice will drop even lower and I presume I will just get more hairy but who knows... if i can get off the spironolactone then i will get my hairyness back again, I have to see my GP about that as my dr at the gender clinic has written to her about it...

I guess since you're already passing as male it won't make much difference as far as the way other people see you is concerned. Do you have breast problems to contend with? In my teens I never felt properly female because quite apart from having to shave every day, I had no breast development -- just large nipples on a flat chest. On the other hand, without a penis of some meaningful sort I couldn't feel male either. Of course, I think you did say that your clitoris is considerably enlarged and maybe it will reach the size of a small penis. In the end of the day, in my case, I met a guy who was happy with a female with some very masculine characteristics and I'm happy with who I am and function happily a role thats biologically female.

Quote:

My friends are fine with my transition, even if they dont quite understand it they are happy that I am happy. I havent told my dad at 87 dont think he would take to it real well, and to be honest the only thing i do when i go see him is shave, my looks havent really changed that much, as I have always looked masculine.

Do longstanding friends display any curiosity or have they perhaps always thought of you as "in-between"?

squidge63 · 05-09-2009, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joyblack

I guess since you're already passing as male it won't make much difference as far as the way other people see you is concerned. Do you have breast problems to contend with? In my teens I never felt properly female because quite apart from having to shave every day, I had no breast development -- just large nipples on a flat chest. On the other hand, without a penis of some meaningful sort I couldn't feel male either. Of course, I think you did say that your clitoris is considerably enlarged and maybe it will reach the size of a small penis. In the end of the day, in my case, I met a guy who was happy with a female with some very masculine characteristics and I'm happy with who I am and function happily a role thats biologically female.

As a kid I would be called sonny or son or lad so the masculine side of my life has always been with me.. I remember one time when a guy came into the shop we had, and I had my football with me and he called me sonny, my mum said I was a girl but was happy enough to be called son!!! or words to that effect. Even when I was living my life as a straight female my masculinity didnt stop me having boyfriends, but I just knew it wasnt right for me. I remember a couple of times being in make up and a dress and being called sir..lol !!!! Chest wise I am not big but probably a handful lol.. I wear a compression vest to give me a male chest, but even if i dont wear my vest I still am seen as a male, which is great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joyblack

Do longstanding friends display any curiosity or have they perhaps always thought of you as "in-between"?

They have just seen me as being me, I havent really changed but have let my masculinity branch out rather than try to keep it back, if that makes sense.. I am just me and they see me as David, but will always be Liz to them as that is who they knew me as for over 20 years, but they accept me for being who I am, and as long as I am happy... I often get referred to as she and her by my best friend but i cope with that as at the end of the day I know who I am.