as i am a dh of a cyster here i can defiantly relate, i know this is the hardest thing to do, and i'm not saying i'm good at it, far from it most times, but sometimes everything we try to do to make her feel better just makes it worse and yes this does get us guys, or at least me, very furstrated and it can be misread as anger. just try and reasure her that you are not mad at her and if you need to, just go get some air, whether it is literaly going out and going for a walk around the block or just go to the other room and do something else. i'll be honest, it seems like you're a caring guy like i think of myself and i think it is the hardest for us guys because we try to help and when we try and fail we take it as we failed and get upset with ourselves which can end up being vented poorly. as far as the comment about telling everyone about her personal business, i got the impression she is posting here as well and therefor is doing the same thing, if anything she should be happy you are trying to get help
__________________ doing what i can to be a supportive husband
You are one insightful man. There are times in my relationship that the more he tries the more I pull back. Sometimes I don't want him to get too close especially when I am in one of my "moods". I'm sometimes afraid that I will get upset with him and let my temper out and hurt his feelings. I never let him know when I am upset because he automatically assumes he did something wrong and 9 times out of 10, he didn't. Its just me being frustrated from the day, kids, what have you.
Great post as usual!
__________________ Georgette(32)
Diagnosed 2/07 Mom of Caitlyn(9) Tristan(7) and Heather(6)
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Thanks for all the encouraging words. I have been trying to give her space as you all have advised. She has decided that it is time to move on in her life unfortunately. I have come to the realization that as much as I love her I have to let her go. She has been gone a month now. Yesterday was our 3rd anniversary since we met. I miss her a lot. I met with her for lunch yesterday to decide what we should do with our finances which we have together. Of course the conversation was emotion filled on my part. I am like a roller coaster when I talk to her. She does not deal with that well understandably. We ended everythign on a good note I think and agreed to settle everything by a certain deadline. I am sitting here at work now thinking as I have been for the last month. We have had many rocky times, but we have had many good times too. I can't help but get upset that I have lost her. Over the last 3 yrs she has been the best thing that has happened to me. When we talk nothing I say comes out right and she takes it the wrong way. So when I am finished talking to her I send her an email as I think my words are clearer in that form. She has and will always mean so much to me. As I was sitting here planning to write this post, I got emotional and the waterworks started and wouldn't stop. Pretty manly of me while I am work I must admit. i wonder what I could've done, what I should've done and what I didn't do for her throughout our time together. I feel like I have failed her not to mention myself. It is very disappointing on so many levels. I know I have to move on from here. I don't want her to forget about me. The bad times are not something I want ehr to remember as hard as they are to forget. I jsut hope she doesn't think I am a bad person for the big mistakes I made during our relationship. I will definitely not forget her. She is a great person and all I can wish for her is the best. She deserves that. I wish I could've given her that. If nothing else, I hope for a good friendship. Maybe I am asking a lot for that, but I still want her in my life.
You may still want her in your life, but obviously she has other thoughts and feelings on this subject. I really wouldn't contact her for anything personal other than financial issues. Let her come to you if she wants to discuss anything personal. If she wants anything more, she will come to you. You could be too clingy for her and that's why she isn't comfortable. All I can say is keep your chin up and good luck!
__________________ Georgette(32)
Diagnosed 2/07 Mom of Caitlyn(9) Tristan(7) and Heather(6)
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I know how your girlfriend feels... Our bodies start to feel empty inside because of PCOS.. My body wouldn't work right to become pregnant and have a baby. This has changed me inside and out. I don't like the person I have become, and compared to what i used to be I can see why she is upset... Space is ok but remember really all in all, Be there for her and support her and take her out and support her... Don't be controlling and most importantly be spontanious with her... Trust me my hubby has forgot some of the romance he used to have and when I don't feel like he is paying attention to me in the way I wan it, I shut down to... Jen
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ~~~~Jen Harvey Bring me the baby dust~~~~~~~
You may still want her in your life, but obviously she has other thoughts and feelings on this subject. I really wouldn't contact her for anything personal other than financial issues. Let her come to you if she wants to discuss anything personal. If she wants anything more, she will come to you. You could be too clingy for her and that's why she isn't comfortable. All I can say is keep your chin up and good luck!
Actually, you really remind me of my EX-bf and that is exactly why he's my ex...and he did was work work work and then sleep sleep sleep all the time.......he was boring as heck and it got on my last nerve...we had went through this once before and he changed for a hot minute then right back to the same ole pattern.........I left him high and dry and moved on to marry the "Love of my life" and I'm glad I did
are you willing to do the work it takes to keep the relationship going? if not leave that poor girl alone
Well said singingdiva....well said....I just ended a relationship with a man who couldn't handled MY outbursts and rage....even though most of it was caused by his lack of support and inconsistent and conflicting signals.
He too wanted a friendship after. He's someone I've known most of my life but after the things that were said and done, there is no way I could allow this man to be a part of my or my daughters life now.
For all of you out there reading this that are in relationships with women who have PCOS, please remember that if you think its frustrating for you, imagine how it is for us! Being supportive is hard work, its not easy. But in the end it will strengthen your relationship. If what your doing now isn't working for you, then seek help, a counselor, a religous person, a support group. Go TOGETHER. Let her know your there FOR HER, AND FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP! This is more important than you know.
And for those of you reading this that believe you were in relationships with women who had PCOS and were undiagnosed, and have moved on, all I can say is send your ex loving thoughts and feelings, and wish them wellness. If she's a friend of yours now, be kind, be supportive. Listen. If she's no longer a part of your life, know that there are some parts of your relationship that were affected by PCOS, forgive yourself and her, and move on.
Well said singingdiva....well said....I just ended a relationship with a man who couldn't handled MY outbursts and rage....even though most of it was caused by his lack of support and inconsistent and conflicting signals.
He too wanted a friendship after. He's someone I've known most of my life but after the things that were said and done, there is no way I could allow this man to be a part of my or my daughters life now.
For all of you out there reading this that are in relationships with women who have PCOS, please remember that if you think its frustrating for you, imagine how it is for us! Being supportive is hard work, its not easy. But in the end it will strengthen your relationship. If what your doing now isn't working for you, then seek help, a counselor, a religous person, a support group. Go TOGETHER. Let her know your there FOR HER, AND FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP! This is more important than you know.
And for those of you reading this that believe you were in relationships with women who had PCOS and were undiagnosed, and have moved on, all I can say is send your ex loving thoughts and feelings, and wish them wellness. If she's a friend of yours now, be kind, be supportive. Listen. If she's no longer a part of your life, know that there are some parts of your relationship that were affected by PCOS, forgive yourself and her, and move on.
i dont know, ive been reading this thread since its beginning and since day one have been trying to come up with a response that doesnt make me sound like a total a$$ but dude.... its over, give it up, move on, quit whining about it, does she have to draw you a picture?
blame it on pcos, blame it on the moon, blame it on whatever, it doesnt matter. please shut the hell up and move on. i really do hate to seem cold and uncaring as thats not really my intent. this husband/boyfriend section of the site i do not think was intended for you to wallow in your self-pity and drag all of us into the emotional pain your are subjecting yourself to. if all you want are the female pats on the back and hugs telling you all will be okay then find the other areas of this site to solict that. youre in the one little corner thats allocated to us guys so ill talk to you like one. shut up and be a man. its over, deal with it, and move on.
ive been there, done that, watered down my glass of scotch with futile tears. took someone close to me to figuratively slap the teeth out of my mouth to realize i was acting like an idiot, embarassing myself, and keeping myself from being happy. im not being rude or cold, im being pragmatic. its not your heart that hurts so much anymore, its your pride. accept it and move on. the PP was right, you will do better... get off the pity pot and seek elsewhere.
wow, I've got to say, I'm surprised at how uncaring some of you are! Like you ahve never been at a low point. Everyone handles it differently: some of u post online for a little solace, some of us rant and rage, some of us drink our cares away, but NO ONE can judge how someone else gets through their fear, doubt, and pain. I'm surprised that so many are so quick to forget what it's like to be left behind by someone that we truly care about.
That being said, I would like to say that I agree about moving on. You say it has been a month? well, if she wants to come back after a month, it won't be because you called or didn't call, it will be because she realizes something all on her own.
And for ALL you guys out there who are trying to support all of us crazy gals with PCOS, jsut know that sometimes, we are looking for a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just a brick wall to beat our ideas against. I know it's your nature to try and fix everything, but DON'T unless we ASK for it. Just LISTEN. we appreciate that more than you know.
Aaron -- take what you can from this and learn from it. Even if that lesson is that you don't want to date any more women with PCOS
__________________ Melisa (22) and DH Nate (22)
October 28, 2004
Hope to be a MOM soon!
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as stated in another thread in this little section its requested that the guys corner be left alone. the whiny posts were made here, not elsewhere. if i post in the other areas of this site of course im all sweet and compassionate and as i respectfully should be. guys posting whiny stuff in a guys area? no way, i stand 100 percent behind what i said.
stop snivelling like a little girl, grow up, be a man, move on. its over.
she's trying to be decent and not just totally blow you off in a mean way,, give it up.
and just an FYI.. when guys talk to other guys, we do NOT talk to each other about feelings and share tender moments like is seen on oprah.
short sweet and to the point. makes life easier.
