Should I do something??

emmytons · 08-23-2006, 02:22 PM

One of my best friends has a sister w/ PCOS, so I can understand what she is going through there. She has been using fertility drugs and was able to conceive and heard a heartbeat and everything but was told that something appeared to be wrong and they would have to wait it out. Well, she went in again yesterday for a sonogram and there was no heartbeat so she has to go in for D&C. She's extremely distraught, which I can understand having lost a baby myself and my friend is trying to be there for her sister as much as she can just like she was for me.

My question is should I say or do something or anything for the sister or the family? I don't know the sister directly but I feel bad for my friend b/c she is really shouldering the load as much as she can. Has anyone else been in this situation?

ChocFish · 08-24-2006, 05:45 AM

Emmy, that's a tricky one. Your heart goes out to the person hurting and you wish you could do something to ease the pain. The reality is you can't, but I know I always appreciate a gesture of support and friendship in hard times, whether its a phonecall, a bunch of flowers or a card in the mail. I think that its very kind of other people to think of me. However, I know some people are very private in their grief, and could view it as an intrusion. I had a similar situation with a friend-of-a-friend who lost her baby to SIDS (cot death). At first I wasn't sure whether I knew her well enough to do something, but DH decided for me and sent flowers. She really appreciated the gesture and was so thankful the next time she saw us she gave us both a huge hug - it was definitely the right thing to do. When DH's brother died in tragic circumstances DH really appreciated all the cards and letters he received, particularly from people who had experienced a similar loss. Some were from people he barely knew. Perhaps you should check with your friend whether it would be OK to do something for her sister? As far as your friend herself goes just being there for her to lean on and talk to will be a big help.

I hope this helps.

emmytons · 08-24-2006, 01:51 PM

ChocFish, I think you are right. Some pppl are more private in their grief than others. And, some other ppl want to have their experience acknlowedged and want to know that other ppl have gone through the same thing. I think I will talk to my friend and see what she thinks her sister would like. And, as of right now she is being very supportive and trying to help her out as much as possible too.

ChocFish · 08-25-2006, 12:07 AM

Good luck.