It shouldn't be so $$$$$

Alensmom23 · 10-30-2005, 05:55 PM

Why is it that there are SO many children out there who need homes, and SO many loving parents who want to adopt, but unless you're loaded, it's really hard!
DH and I have been dicussing adopting but we're on the lower end of middle class since I'm a SAHM. Some friends of ours recently adopted a wonderful little girl from China and it was over $18,000! That's not including the 3 trips they had to take to China before they could actually bring her home, and not counting all the unpaid vacation they had to take to go to China!

Lisa67 · 10-30-2005, 07:42 PM

ITA about what you are saying regarding expenses and the abundance of children available for adoption, as well as many parents out there waiting for their children.

Yes it is expensive, but no you don't have to be "loaded" to adopt. We are not rich, though financially we are comfortable. We do so by budgeting, planning, and taking advantage of the very welcome federal tax credit.

Why did your friend take 3 trips to China? There is only one 2-week trip needed to adopt from China so she must have had something different happen. I've never heard of anyone needed to go 2 or even 3 times. That's kind of odd.

If you don't have the income to adopt internationally there are plenty of children available domestically through foster care and through state agencies. Maybe you could focus your attention that way and it might suit you better. It's worth a thought anyway.

Best of luck

Alensmom23 · 10-30-2005, 07:54 PM

I'm not sure why they had to go so many times. I didin't ask. I'm totally not dissing the whole process, and not trying to sound rude to those of you who have adopted. If it came out that way, I'm SO SORRY! It's just frustrating to know that we would love to bring a child into our family from China or Korea and give them a loving home, but we can't afford it. I mean no disrespect.

dna · 10-30-2005, 08:34 PM

I cant speak for Lisa but I dont think any was taken its just unusual to have to take anymore than 1 trip to China thats all...

Domestic is an option for people who dont have the $$ and the babes here need homes just as much..

However I do agree it is ALOT of $$ to go international but I guess I have just accepted it as it is coz I sure am not going to be able to change it

Again, Best of luck in your journey

~Traci~ · 10-30-2005, 08:34 PM

We're definately not rich at all! We've been fortunate enough for DH to pick up some extra work and have been saving for our adoption for years. We're like Lisa that we live comfortably on DH's income by budgeting, planning & we're using the tax credit (which will come in very handy since we pay our own taxes every April).

We're adopting from China. I too have never heard of anyone going to China 2-3 times for the same adoption. Now if you said Russia then I would agree w/ that b/c you do have to go there twice as well as some other countries.

I agree that there are so many children out there and not enough adoptive parents. There is a $10,000 tax credit (that you get after your adoption is final). There is also adoption from the state or foster to adopt (some cysters are doing this) which is cheaper. It's when you get in to private domestic adoption where it's even more expensive than international.

Some couples take loans out, sell things on Ebay, make jewelry & crafts (I'm going to start doing this @ the 1st of the year & when we get home from China to save up for the next one which we're starting in 2007 & will travel in 2008).

Traci

jnalowd · 10-30-2005, 08:50 PM

It does cost a lot. That has been DH's biggest concern. He's working a lot of overtime, and I'm starting to tutor. The tax write-off helps, but there is still the upfront costs that have us worried, especially if the birth mother changes her mind (we're considering domestic independent adoption). That's another concern, to pay for expenses, and then have them change their mind. You get emotionally and financially invested, then... I guess that's my biggest concern. But, it's worth it in the end when I finally become a mom!

Jewels · 10-30-2005, 08:53 PM

I kind of think the other thing to think about its that in some cases it's not all at once you have to come up with the money. Also depending on where you are located cost can vary. I have a girlfriend who got her homestudy done for $375 but we paid $1850 I think for ours. So that's a pretty big difference but she lives in NY and I live in CA.

You know if you guys really want to do it, I'm sure you'll find a way to make it happen. I've heard of people doing fundraisers and asking family to help. We actually did a refi on our house which worked out great anyway. Plus you always have the tax credit of $10,000 you would get back at the end of the year.

My best wishes for you! and yes I agree it stinks that it costs anything. LOL
Julia
www.definitely.com
www.adoptionboard.org

Lisa67 · 10-30-2005, 09:08 PM

Oh no--don't worry--no offense taken here. Just wanted to state my view

Please don't worry

HUGS!

Alensmom23 · 10-30-2005, 09:53 PM

Wow, thanks for all the insight, ladies! But I'm super disapointed b/c after I posted my 1st message, dh was like we're not adopting, I've changed my mind. If we can't have anymore of our own then I guess we weren't meant to more.
I can't believe it! He alsways agreed with me about adopting . . . maybe that's b/c we were told we couldn't have any kiddos of our own, and then I got preggo. But that doesn't mean it'll for sure happen again!
And not just that, but I've always wanted to adopt, wheather or not I could concieve.
He's always doing stuff like that. Says one thing and then out of the blue changes his mind for no apparent reason. MEN!!!

Bertiebugg · 10-30-2005, 09:56 PM

I was worried that adoption would no be for us because we are not rich and no where near it! What we found was an agency around us that will help us adopt with really very low cost to us. Yes we are doing domestic, that is just what we had decided on doing. We pay our own lawyer fees (which can vary) we found one for 400 (including all filing fees, we pay for our weekend retreat (PRIDE CLASSES crammed into one weekend) thats 175.00, and there is one additional class have to pay for which is 35.00. I figure if there is any extra cost that come up (sibling grp cost more to file for adoption) we might pay out maybe 700.00-900 for our whole adoption. Which with us not being rich... we can afford. That way also we can spend the rest of our money on the things our children will need! Although the wonderful thing is even though we decided to adopt domestic, if a child comes over here from another country and for whatever reason the adoption of the child is not successful we could also get that child place with us. (according to my agency there is a good amount of children that are domestically adopted who were once an international adoption gone bad.)

Cassandra Gayle · 10-31-2005, 12:07 AM

Both of my children are Domestic/international. I prefer not to use the term "GONE BAD" It is a disrupted adoption. And I am sure I might get my head bitten off for this. But your agency shouldn't be telling you that there are alot of "gonebad" adoptions. All agencies should be keeping that private, because if your agency has "bad" adoptions, I would look twice at adopting through them. It means they didn't do their homework before letting those parents adopt. Both my girls were a case of that. And my children suffered greatly from it. And disrupted adoptions aren't normally cheap. My first one was $7,000. Sure that is alot cheaper than a Guatemalan adoption, but not as cheap as some would think. Domestic adoptions are just as expensive. My friend just done one and I filed her paperwork it was well into 18 thousand. So domestic isn't cheap either. I am sorry Roberta that I went off. I am kinda touchy on "gonebad" adoptions.

ashleyxcrashley · 10-31-2005, 01:03 AM

Thats why im so worried about if I ever want to adopt because of the cost.. I dont know if i would ever be able to afford it.

Bertiebugg · 10-31-2005, 04:16 AM

The term 'gone bad' might have been a wrong choice of words. And yeah disrupted adoption is a better term... but most of these children that I know of that were domestic adoptions after originally be an international adoption were disrupted because things were seriously wrong, its not just simple little glitches.

There is nothing wrong with them telling me that because they are not acutally an international agency. They are a domestic agency. Its other agencys that are not doing their homework and then the domestic agency are having to find homes for these children. And for some reason a good number of them have gone through the few agencys I checked into. The agencys that I talked to simple have told me stories, no names, no faces, theres nothing wrong with them explaining to me how some children come be with their family!

tariana · 10-31-2005, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashleyxcrashley

Thats why im so worried about if I ever want to adopt because of the cost.. I dont know if i would ever be able to afford it.

Ditto. I love the idea of adoption, but not if it's going to take us til we're 90 to save up the money to do it, which with DH and I's income, it likely would.

~Traci~ · 10-31-2005, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jewels

I kind of think the other thing to think about its that in some cases it's not all at once you have to come up with the money. Also depending on where you are located cost can vary. I have a girlfriend who got her homestudy done for $375 but we paid $1850 I think for ours. So that's a pretty big difference but she lives in NY and I live in CA.

Julia brings up a very good point!

I just looked at our financial excel sheet (if any of you know me, you know I have everything in excel!

) and our biggest cost just happened (besides the trip to China which I'm told I'm over budgeting but did that intentionally), that was $2,900. Up to now it's been $1,000 for the Homestudy (which some areas are a lot cheaper than that). Another $1,000 for the Post Placement fees (again, some areas are cheaper than this & you have to pay these before you actually go to China, In fact, our Home Study Agency refused to send the signed document to our Adoption Agency that they were doing our Post Placement until we paid it). The rest has basically been document fees (getting copies of documents) and all under $1,000 and here and there as well as the approval from USCIS (INS). The document fees really depend where you're getting the document from. It ranged from a few dollars per copy (TX & NV) to the $20/each for birth certificates & divorce decrees (MA) for me (outragous for a piece of paper!). We've spent a little more b/c we've had to do some extra paperchasing thanks to a traffic violation that DH got 12 years ago but normally (as long as you don't have a criminal husband!

) You know all the fees up front and you generally know when you'll need that $$ (at least we have and I've been figuring out when this and that will happen and I've been right on so far) so you can figure out how much you'll need to save (I'd go ahead and try to save a little "cushion" just in case you need it a few weeks early) for that amount.

Believe me, we're definately not rich! In fact, DH made us wait WEEKS before turning in our financial forms until he got a check that was completely going in to saving to boost our debt to income ratio and show that we had more money.

HTH's and I hope you'll be able to talk to your DH more about adoption.
Traci