Just wanted to post and say I know what you're going through is hard! Sorry about that! Sometimes my life gets very low too and I tend to dredge up all of these horrible events (even from when I was 12) where I think I behaved so horribly/stupidly/embarrassingly. When it happens, in my head I take a big letter "D" in red ("D" for depression) and visually put it over the person's face, the event whatever. I know someone, we'll call him "John" and whenever I get really depressed, I re-enact scenes with John in my head. I knew John in college and we were friends. In the end, things did not go well for us and our friendship ended. Whenever I am depressed, the scenes with John just pop into my head and are so bad. They fill me with so much sadness. So, I try to imagine that instead of John's head on top of his body, it is a big, red "D". (Like something out of Sesame Street) to remind myself that this is just my depression getting in the way of things. I do this over and over again reminding myself that those events were not as bad as I am now making them out to be. It is just the depression. It is just the depression. It is just the depression. When things get really bad, it seeps out from every crevice. And you become super-sensitive to those thoughts.