Question about Foster-to-Adopt care

[stirlingk]

I know this is a quiet board. I figured it was worth a shot asking. We have encountered several things in the past year which has delayed or stopped our saving for an RE. I've been saying we will be starting with the RE in the fall. However unforeseen things have come up. We are also stuck in a waiting game, to see if a short sale offer (we are buying, not selling) on a house is going to be accepted. We have discussed Foster care, but mostly tranditional adoption. I am keen on Foster-to-adopt, as I'm in school for social work, and I love kids. My DH would be OK with it, but we do both want an infant. After we're more experienced parents I could see us adopting a young child, or even just straight fostering, but not before we have some parenting behind us. Is it possible to get on the foster-adopt list/program while saving and persuing treatments with an RE? We will likely never afford IVF, so I am fairly certain we will adopt eventually - even if we do manage to get pregnant with drugs. Thanks. :-)

[stirlingk]

Bump. Hoping to hear from someone who might know about this system. :-)

[GSDDiver]

I haven't done this personally so all of my knowledge is from a good friend who adopted 5 kids from the foster care system. She didn't start out with the intention of adopting. She just wanted to foster kids. She fostered 4 kids before she adopted one. He was actually the first kid she fostered. He was 11 months old when she got him. His mom had to complete 60 hours of parenting classes and she could get him back. 2 years later she still hadn't. At that point she got pregnant again. She told my friend if she would adopt both kids and keep them together then she would release parental rights on both. So that's what happened. The other 3 were older sisters who came to live with her and since she was fostering them when the mom decided to release parental rights she was asked if she wanted to adopt them. They had been living with her for 6 months at that point and she said yes. I think she was chosen because again, the mom wanted them together and it would be hard to find a home for 3 girls 2, 5 and 9 together.

That's the background. After talking with her I am pretty confident in saying that MOST (not all) adoptions from the foster care system of babies are done after fostering the babies for several months or years. I think it's different in every state but she said that there should be no problem starting the foster process while working with a RE. But she did recommend starting out as a foster if you can handle giving the children back to their birth mothers in some cases.

Obviously neither she nor I are a professional in this matter so you should talk DCF (Or whatever your child welfare organization is) in your area.

[Stormy77]

I have not done it but was looking into it before getting pregnant. My adopted SIL adopted 2 kids through foster to adopt. got both as NB. One was adopted at 6 mths old after mother signed over rights. Other adopted 18 mths old after paretns failed many drug test. Our state is different than most. there is so many NB in foster care that there is no homes to take them in. 90% of the foster homes run over the gov allowed limit.

I have another friend that adopted 4 kids through the state. brother and sister pair and then 2 brothers. the first were 10 and 20 mths. the boys were 6&7.

[stirlingk]

Thanks for the replies!! SC just came back up for me, so I have a lot of catching up to do!

GSDDiver - Thank you. That was so informative. I have been looking into it a bit myself. I did find a state-funded agency in my area, so at least that is a starting point.

Stormy - Arkansas sounds different from most states.

I live in Ohio, and from what I have been reading, most of the kids here in foster care are older. While I would someday love to adopt older children. As a would-be first time parent, I feel it would not be in the best interest of the child for us to adopt older kids. I suppose only time will tell. I have heard a few encouraging stories of people around here being placed with infants or very young children. But even if the child is a high chance of adoption, the goal is always reunification with the bio-parents. So, I think my husband and I must do some serious soul searching about this. In the end, I want to make sure we make the best possible decision for the child(ren) and for our own futures too.

I also found another agency that handles infant adoptions, and independant adoptions as well. Although, the costs are very high (16,000 - thats just the base cost), and frankly I am not sure we can afford that. It does seem that independant adoption is much less costly, however, its hard to navigate the legalities of adoption on your own, so I don't know. I feel very drawn to adoption in general - even if I got pregnant tomorrow - I would still want to adopt.

[Stormy77]

Our state has a law that says if a woman test positive for drungs while pregnant her baby goes into foster care. Many of the moms wont get off drugs long enough to get the baby back. they just go have another one. Its really sad. My friends that adopted got a 5lb preemie that was addicted to drugs. Her mom already had 3 other kids in the state care. their son was born addicted to meth. Between his parents they had 11 kids in state care. Our county is the meth capital of the world. more meth is made in our little town than any other place. its sad that the kids are the ones that suffer.

[stirlingk]

Wow, that is just so sad! Sometimes I wonder why so many good people, who are level headed and kind can't have kids or afford to adopt - and then there are people who do not deserve what they have, and waste it. :-(

[tillych3]

Just putting in my two cents here- We have recently decided to pursue foster/adoption. We think it is a great option since we don't mind if they are a little older (2-7), and we want a sibling group. But I can also understand why you want a baby. It is completely up to you of course, but I think it is great that you are thinking about it, as so many people still stereotype the kids in foster care as being troublemakers. Also, remember to ask about adoption subsidies. Sometimes social workers "forget" to mention them, or your state may not have the, but if it does it may help out alot on a tight budget.

[PattiePancakes]

I work in the foster care system here in Florida. The main goal here to reunification with their biological family. Normally when a child is taken away, the family is given a case plan that needs to be completed in a 9 month time frame, give or take a few months for issues that normally arise. When the family shows no interest in completing the case plan or consistently fails drug tests, then the child is eligible for adoption. If you received the child as a foster child and they went up for the adoption, then you would have first option to adopt before anyone else and you would pay NOTHING out of pocket!! If you adopted, you would received medicaid for the child regardless of your income until they are 18, and they would automatically get 4 years free at any instate college as long as they met the admission criteria. The monthly subsidy would stop though. Fostering is a great way to get a child without spending an arm and a leg, however you do run the risk of the child being placed back with their family.
If you decide to go ahead with fostering, they do background checks on every member of the household, income verification, home inspections, fingerprints, and will also ask for several months of bank account statements to make sure you are financially stable. Credit doesn't have to be perfect but they want to make sure you are able to take care of your family with an extra mouth to feed. Once you are cleared from that section you normally have to take classes for a few months. The classes will prepare you for the types of children you may encounter, discipline tactics you are allowed to use, and how the foster care system works. Once you finish the classes and are licensed, then you could receive a child as soon as that day.
The overall process takes about 6 months, which is a lot less time than most adoptions. Even though you do run the risk of a child going back to their family, it helps knowing that you made a difference for the time that you had that child. This is how the foster care system works in my state, and each state will vary. You should be able to contact your local foster care agency and attend an informational session. If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to contact me.

[brideofmonkey]

In Ohio, families typically have 12 months to complete a case plan and it is sometimes extended to two years ( but not beyond that).
Adoption subsidies here are becoming few and far between. Also, here children who are adopted from foster care do not receive college coverage. Only those in foster care within a couple years of graduation qualify for school scholarship from the state. It is amazing how much states differ.

[Hannah's Mom]

My husband and I also have had trouble conceiving and decided to adopt about 2 years ago. We were thinking the same thing that we needed to have an infant first and then down the road maybe an older child. We adopted a beautiful 9 year old little girl earlier this year and I can't imagine my life without her. We looked into several agencies before we chose the right one for us. We knew the minute we left our meeting if the agency was the right one or not. Also make sure you look into whether the adoption is open (birth parents have contact) or closed (birth parents have no contact). We also learned that with any of the children your agency and their caseworkers should be able to give you information regarding their adoption status, whether they are completely free for adoption (parental rights have been taken away).

Just remember regardless of what any one can tell you, you and your partner need to make the best decision for you. You will be the child's parents. If you feel you are best suited for an infant, infant adoptions are out there. If you are interested in an older child, they are out their as well. Follow your heart and you will find the perfect child for you.

[mary42681]

My DH and I will be starting classes this month to foster-to-adopt. We have discussed that we would like to try and get a child as young as possible and no sibling groups. Not sure if I could handle going from no children to several! But only God knows! We have always wanted to adopt regardless if we were able to have one biologically or not, but with our struggles with TTC and PCOS - it kinda quickened the process for us! I am hoping that when the time comes that we are placed with a child, that we are able to get a child that will have a high probability of NOT going back with their birthparents. I would be devasted to have a child ripped from my arms. Its my biggest fear going through all of this.

[stirlingk]

Thank you ladies for all your replies. I am just recently getting back onto these forums so I am catching up on a lot.

Its amazing how state regulations vary so much, and the different hoops you may or may not have to jump through!!

Mary - I think that's a wonderful thing you and your husband are doing!! I do believe that you can state your preference on "risk" for the child - as in, the risk of the child being reunited with their birth-family.

ALso, I see you are in TX. I would look into Independant infant adoption as well. As I believe TX is one of the few states that makes this option more affordable. There is a woman on Youtube who is in TX (I believe) and has adopted 2 beautful boys (seperately) as infants. Her story is amazing. The channel is called "Ouradoptionoption". Look her up, she's great!!

[mary42681]

stirlingk - The adoption agency that we chose goes through CPS, which is where my niece was adopted through. But I definitely look into independent infant adoption too. We didn't look too much into infant adoption because of the super high cost! Thanks for the info! Are you and your DH still considering the adoption route as well as the TTC route? We are actually starting injectables this cycle and have agreed that whichever happen first - pregnancy or adoption, that we would hold off on the other for a short while to give our new child tons of attention!

[PCOS in CLE]

My husband and I are foster to adopt parents thru our county in Ohio. It has it's pros and cons of course. We've been trying to get pregnant for 4 1/2 yrs with no success - we don't think we will ever be "ok" with spending so much money on IVF (injectables is even pushing it) I had the idea of trying the foster/adopt route about 2 1/2 yrs ago when we had 1 failed injectable cycle w/ IUI...it almost ruined our marriage so, we thought we would give it a try since it didn't cost any money (our county even pays us to attend the classes which we didn't know until we got the check in the mail) - just our time! In March of 2011 we got the call to take 10 mnth old twin boys and as much as were were freaking out we said yes and do not regret it to this day but...they did return back to their bio parents in Sept. and we were DEVASTATED to say the least! My husband took it very very hard I did not think we would be able to do it again but, here were are just finishing up with our renewal license (in OH you have to be renewed every 2yrs) and hoping everyday for them to call with the right placement so we can have a kiddo or 2 back in the house. It is not easy...they do always have reunification in their minds so that part is hard but, those boys were the best thing we've done so, we just can't wait till we get the right placement that stays forever. If you are the foster home you do have 1st choice to adopt and it doesn't cost a thing and we are helping kids out that really need it!

If you have any specific questions since I am in OH let me know!! Ohio runs it county by county - each county does things a little differently.