What do you tell people?

**Mavi** · 03-26-2012, 12:19 PM

Hi Ladies!

I was diagnosed with PCOS a few months ago (though I always suspected something was off for years but being in the haze of BCP, symptoms can be so easily dismissed or ignored). I'm working hard to follow a low carb diet and lose weight and most importantly, I'm working hard to keep a positive attitude. I haven't really told anyone except my husband about the PCOS. But I am constantly getting questions about getting pregnant, having babies, etc. Of course I would love to have a child and I'm "that age" where everyone I know is either pregnant or has a child. I am a complete loss as what to tell people. So I'm wondering what do you tell your family and friends? Do you tell everyone all the details? Anyways, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

**defygravity** · 03-26-2012, 12:55 PM

Eh, it depends. I've become more open about it in the past six months or so. Close friends and my family know more or less the details. DH's family knows nothing about what we're going through for a variety of reasons. A few coworkers know the details, one is my best friend and another is the husband of one of my close friends. My boss knows because I have a good relationship with him - he doesn't know all the details/history, but he knows I'm seeing an RE to get pregnant.

Random coworkers and not close friends, when they ask, get a generic response along the lines of: "Eh, maybe next year." or "I have a DH and a roommate - I'm pretty full up on kids at the moment" or "As soon as I can get my vacation addiction under control!" It just depends.

Different people will have different responses to this question, and you'll find your own balance. I'm normally a very private person but talking about my fertility challenges has actually been somewhat liberating. One of my friends, who I had expected to be the most judgmental, actually ended up being very supportive.

**KittyPurry** · 03-26-2012, 02:09 PM

It depends. My close family knows and a few friends. Usually, if someone asks about kids, I say "We're working on it

" and leave it at that

**ItalianPrincess** · 03-26-2012, 04:43 PM

Only my mother, husband and best friend knows, I haven't told my other friends because they don't understand and they will just tell me how "sorry" they are and that just makes me feel worse. They only reason I told my best friend is because she doesn't want to have kids and she is very opened minded so she tells me how "lucky" I am and always makes me feel better about it.

**Ashley B** · 03-26-2012, 05:32 PM

I found myself being embarrass about telling men ( other than my dad and hubby) but When it comes to woman Im able to talk more openly. I have ran into a problem lately with other peoples reactions making me feel defective. People can be insensitive and flat out rude. I'm thinking about being less open at least until I can get thicker skin. Lol

**Ashley P** · 03-26-2012, 06:13 PM

It all depends on who I talk to. My family knows all of the details, DH's too. Our friends know that we are being referred to a fertility specialist, but they don't know all of the details about my pcos. If we're asked the usual questions, we just reply, "We're working on it." Although, I'm becoming more open about my pcos with close family.

**NeverGiveUpHope** · 03-27-2012, 09:49 PM

I dont tell anyone

**defygravity** · 03-27-2012, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by NeverGiveUpHope

I dont tell anyone

Any reason why? Just curious - not trying to be judgy.

**Mavi** · 03-28-2012, 04:11 AM

Thanks Ladies. Glad I am not alone. I almost broke down in yoga class yesterday. We had to do a camel pose and when I tried to do it I got so dizzy. I asked the instructor if that was normal and she said it was normal for people who have a lot of stress/emotional issues going on. I had to fight back tears, it was like she knew. Maybe being more open about it will make PCOS less of an emotional burden. One step at a time, I guess. I'm going to start with telling my Mom, I know she will be supportive.

**KatCarney** · 04-05-2012, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by Mavi

Thanks Ladies. Glad I am not alone. I almost broke down in yoga class yesterday. We had to do a camel pose and when I tried to do it I got so dizzy. I asked the instructor if that was normal and she said it was normal for people who have a lot of stress/emotional issues going on..

The EXACT same thing happened to me re: Camel Pose a few years back, and the instructor told me the same thing!

When I finally dealt with the issues, and my stress levels dropped, I was able to do Camel with NO problems.

Very interesting.

(And yes, I tell people... I don't make it a 'heavy' conversation, however. )

**Stormy77** · 04-05-2012, 06:28 PM

I'm very open about my PCOS. I want to inform people about this issues. so many dont even what it is. Because of my openness I have 2 riends that got help from different doctors after they were told nothing was wrong. One of my friends is having her 1st baby a wk after me. she struggled for 5 yrs with no help. got a good dr and finally got help.

**Audi10** · 04-05-2012, 06:41 PM

I too am very open about it, and man I am so glad that i have been. so many people dont understand and when they say stupid stuff like well you just gotta stop trying and it will happen, or one of the many other dumb comments we have all gotten I tell them actually no it wont, you cant get pregnant without ovulating and that is something my body doesnt do. It usually leads to more questions ect ect and i answer them. since being so open about it and getting pregnant fianlly i have had several people come to me and ask questions because they too are having issues... I had to learn and deal with this all on my own (minus websites like this) and it feels good to be able to help these friends and family members of mine. I really wish I had someone in real life to talk about it and now they do, anything I cant do to help makes every vulnerable conversation I ahd about this a million times worth it!

**MB5** · 04-05-2012, 06:49 PM

I also decided to tell people if asked. Mostly family and friends. I have three daughters and I really hope that they will not end up with PCOS but if they do with my being open and honest with them and other people I hope they will never feel ashamed or feel a stigma towards them. When I was a teenager I felt terrible that I complained about painful and irregular periods. I even went to a doctor when I was 18 to get help and I find out what was wrong with me and she told me to get over it and don't come back until I wanted children. She did not explain that I had PCOS and made me feel extremely ashamed and embarrassed for bothering her. I did not find out that I had PCOS until I was 28 when I couldn't conceive. I joined this site to find out as much information as possible to help my girls if they need it. One of my girls asked why I don't eat French fries and bread and I exercise a lot and I explained that I needed to do that to help with PCOS but I also explained that everyone, whether they have PCOS or not, should make healthy choices for good health.

I also have a friend who benefited from my being open with her and she got the help she needed and now has four children.

**sam_w** · 04-05-2012, 07:35 PM

I'm not at all afraid to tell people I have PCOS, but when it comes to talking about having children, I think it is extremely rude of people to ask "when?" I mean, it's just really not other people's business. If you're not pregnant already, it's only logical for people to conclude that you are either (1) waiting because you're not ready for kids yet, or (2) having problems conceiving. So, really, I don't see the point of asking. All it does is make the person feel awkward or depressed. That's just my thoughts on the matter. When people do ask me, I try to brush it off, or if DH is around he does something to veer the convo in another direction because he knows I'm on the verge of crying.

I have confided in a few people (my mom, my best friend) that we're trying just because it helps to have some support. I've also had to tell a few people out of necessity (e.g., my boss) because sometimes treatments/surgeries take me out of commission for days/weeks at a time. It's easier for me to tell people I have PCOS than it is to admit we're ttc. I just don't want the extra pressure of people wondering "Are you pregnant yet?" Some people know enough about PCOS to conclude that I'm probably trying to get pregnant, but other people just see it as a medical condition I'm dealing with.

I would say my Mom (and DH, obviously) is the only one who knows "all the details." To spare lenghty explanations, I tell most other people that I have some cysts on my ovaries that make it hard for me to ovulate on my own. Maybe not entirely accurate, but simple enough for most people to understand and then stop questioning me.