So we miscarried this week and I had a D&C on Wednesday at 14 weeks. We are going to take 3 months off of TTC to get better and heal physically/emotionally. I went back on my prenatal vitamin and metformin today to help my body be as regular and healthy when we are ready to start trying again. We have known for a few weeks that our baby had a catastrophic defect and it wouldn't make it so we are relieved to be able to physically move on from this now. I had nightmares that my baby was in pain given the multiple organs that were involved. I found some comfort today as I am one day closer to healing physically, one day closer to trying again, one day closer to have the family that we dreamed of. My husband and I grieving together and seeing a grief counselor. We are working really hard and have been since we found out to be open and honest with how we handle this together. Its not easy but we are doing it somehow. There are days I can't believe this is happening and days when I just take a deep breath and be thankful my baby is no longer in pain or in distress.
I have had a few friends send flowers and offer condolences, mostly positive, some insensitive. I guess i don't understand that people assume that since you miscarried that you are not parents. We lost a baby, one that had a hb, one that I saw kick, that I watched on the u/s, the doctor couldn't find the feet one time and I told them to look for my bladder cuz the baby liked to tap dance there (I couldn't feel it but I peed enough during the day to know it was doing something), sure enough there the feet were kicking away. The baby died as peacefully as possible and didn't have to know a life of surgery after surgery, hooked up to a ventilator. We are thankful but it doesn't take the pain away from the loss we feel. The hospital gave me a memory box with its footprints, (it makes me smile as the baby had big feet like my husband). We will be getting the baby cremated as we couldn't let the hospital dispose of the baby like medical waste. We will have ashes that we are going to spread around a tree we are going to plant in its memory. We are not going to name the baby, we just call it our little dragonfly as that is how we had decided to decorate the nursery before we had lost the baby. Why do people assume that you are not parents because you lost your baby, we don't have a baby to take home but we grieve for the loss, we had to sign a paper naming ourselves as parents to release the body. We had pack up all of our maternity clothes, all of our baby books, all of our dreams for our little one.
Sorry for the rant, I just got mad that one of my friends that is a new mother told us that one day we will have a baby we will understand that joy that comes with being able to hold a baby "when we are parents." She sent me this note the day after I was released from the hospital after losing our baby. I just wanted to scream, I know that she was trying to comfort me and sent the note because she wanted to feel that she was helping us in our time of mourning. I just found it insensitive. I didn't respond and I won't respond as anything I send right now would be emotional and angry but I AM A MOTHER. Unfortunately, I am a mother that has had to bury my child rather than hold it and comfort it. I will eventually get my chance but not right now. It just sucks all around to have to feel that people don't respect that about my husband and I. I feel fortunate that we found out as soon as we did, some parents with children that have this defect dont usually find out until 18+ weeks and have to go through labor and delivery at that point to a stillborn child. BUT at the end of the day it is still a loss and it still sucks Thanks for letting me rant and say all the things I can't say to everyone else. There are only a few people who understand what we go through. Thanks ladies!