Miscarried pregnancy # 1

[Willow1984]

It's funny, before I became pregnant and while I was pregnant I avoided looking at this board like it was the plague. Well, I guess I belong here now. I got unexpectedly preggo after what we though was a failed round of Femara. I could believe our luck on our first round with the RE. I didn't allow myself to get excited after the great betas but couldn't help but feel very hopefully after seeing a strong heartbeat and measuring on time at 6 and 8 weeks. RE thought everything looked good a discharged me. After a few weeks I got into my ob of choice and did all of the pain in the butt intake only to discover that the fetus has stopped growing at 9 weeks. Missed miscarriage. It was a shock but felt like something expected at the same time. I don't think I felt a thing (emotionally) until a few days later when the bleeding began naturally. Thankfully the miscarriage itself was not very painful and completed itself within two weeks. Now.... well, I guess it's back to ttc after one cycle off. Meeting with RE in a few days. It's just so ****ty. I can't stand pregnant women and babies anymore and I think the MOST horrid things about them. Suppose it's normal at this stage. I hate all of this. Spending thousands of dollars on a baby that very well may never come, seeing my husband so sad and disappointed, having people look at my with "sad face". I don't even know why I'm posting this, commiseration I guess. I just hope that this will be my only not my first of many.

[DiamondInTheRough]

I'm sorry, Willow. It must have come as a shock to you, especially after seeing the heartbeat. Hopefully this was not related to PCOS and just one of things that can affect any woman, no matter her struggles to conceive or not. We put so much effort into getting pg, we can't imagine it not being a sticky, but unfortunately there is always that risk early on. I'm glad you were able to get through it naturally and without a lot of pain. ((hugs))

[previouslybutterfly3861]

I'm sorry for your loss. I m/c my first pregnancy and wasn't sure how I was going to go on. I got the strength a few months later and got pregnant fairly quick...I hope when you're ready it happens fast. Everything that you feel is completely normal.

[Chula]

Your post makes me so sad and at the same time I want to give you (((HUGS))) and wish you luck on your next round you can do this.

[Honey3511]

I missed miscarried at 14 weeks a few weeks ago and had a D&E (baby had a severe defect that didn't the doctors didn't detect). We had just told all of our friends as we had passed the first trimester. It was the most horrible experience and now I have to go back to work in two days after 3 weeks off. I don't want to go back. It is never easy but it does get easier. I have proclaimed a year off of having to go to baby showers and hanging out with friends/family with infants. My mother thinks I should "just get over it". I haven't even stopped bleeding yet after two weeks and I still have to go with dh and pick up the ashes tomorrow. There is no "just get over it" when you lose a baby no matter how far along you were. Take all the time you need, its ok to be angry, I'm angry and its just a part of grieving. Just don't get stuck in that part, it isn't healthy to be there too long, or so my grief counselor tells me.

I hope you get a sticky BFP really soon. I have to take another 2 months off of ttc, but I'm not looking forward to starting again, though I desperately want a baby but we have no idea if my cycles will resume and I don't want to think about all the pain and grief we went through when we were ttc and to start over isn't my idea of good time. dh and I said that we will give ourselves a few months of "not trying/trying" meaning once we are cleared to ttc we will just let things happen for a few months and if we aren't successful we will reconsider our options if we need to go to an RE. Good luck with everything, I hope you don't have to wait too long!

[Stormy77]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had 2 chemical pregnancies before having my DD. I havent experienced your type o loss because I knew mine were doomed before I could get excited and hopeful. I had to take some time off from baby shower and infants for a while. It does help. Take your time and deal with it your own way. Dont let people pressure you into getting over it. You have lost something very special.

[jmkgoose]

i'm so so sorry! (((((HUGS))))) to you. Oh, the shock and pain of finding out when everything is going well, it's so horrible. And no one who hasn't been through it can understand. Their lives roll along and they can care about the weather or the latest movie or what their going to eat for dinner, and all you can think is "my baby is gone" over and over.

a lot of pp have said that time helps, and they are right. it does help. i found myself resisting "feeling better". I felt so offended when people asked me "are you feeling better?" I felt like saying, "WHY? SO that you can feel better? because my baby died and I don't feel better and i'll never feel better". Holding on to my sadness was holding on to my baby and it was something. It's been two months since i lost my baby and just this week, i'm turning a corner. and it doesn't feel as bad as i thought it would feel. i don't feel like i've abandoned my baby, it's still with me. But i do see the color on the trees and can appreciate life things a little bit.

You are going to have a baby. The only thing that will stop you from having a baby is if you stop trying. And if you tell yourself that you'll never give up, then it will happen!! It has to! You are going to have your baby and you are going to love it so very much.

Wishing you the space to feel however you want for however long you want and lots of sticky sticky baby dust.

[cypher.kelly]

You have every right to feel angry/upset and need to take time to vent. People will understand and cope if you snap at them, u lost a baby and only someone who is cruel would expect u to 'bounce' back from that. My heart goes out to you and I hope when you feel ready to try again, you will be successful and have your baby in your arms. Take care of yourself xoxoxo

[ejcelli]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are sooooooo normal!! We all feel them! Seeing the heartbeat used to give me relief but when I lost my daughter after seeing the heartbeat, I now know it takes more then that. I am so sorry.

[Apple Blossom]

Hi Willow, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been through similar losses, and the pain does lessen over time. I agree with what the other Ladies have written: your feelings are normal and you shouldn't have to hurry through the grief process to make anyone else feel better. Take time to take care of yourself and your husband. The two of you will probably grieve in different ways, so you'll need to be sensitive to what you each need from each other, and put extra time in your relationship. You've had a beautiful blessing taken from you too soon. You will never forget this baby, but hopefully you will have a healthy baby in your arms to celebrate the gift of life very soon! Hugs!

[Tina Castle]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[jamie_rn_80]

Sorry for your loss *hug*

[SheriKCMO]

I'm very sorry about your loss! You are in the right place. We all need to vent sometimes, and the grief comes in unique stages for every mom. (((Hugs)))