husband won't allow adoption

[Shantess]

Sorry my update didn't come sooner! We did go to the RE on the 24th and we both had blood work done. We're still waiting on those results. The RE did stress that he would need to give a SA and depending upon the results we could talk about what step to take next. He still hasn't given the SA. I feel like everything is pending upon this...dh's sexual health/sex life, my sex life, the possibility of children/no children (adoption is still out of the picture), or any other possible complications. I have to call back when my period starts to set up an appt for an HSG. We couldn't really talk about any options until he provides the SA or has it extracted. He said he wants to provide the cup sample.

TheWildOne1 thank you for your response. I agree that it's going to take some time to learn how to trust him. If it should turn out that he doesn't give a SA then I don't see things working out well. I'm truly hope that he will give it though. I just don't know how much longer to wait because I don't want to make him feel insecure, but at the same time I've been waiting years for him to do this and now I'm 31 years old and feel like it's about time.

Hi maljado. It's been a while since your update...how did your HSG and follow-up to the blood work go? Was your DH able to provide a SA? Have you guys been able to get into some counselling? I hope things are going well for you both.

I do a lot of couples counselling and I just had to comment on one thing you said: "I just don't know how much longer to wait because I don't want to make him feel insecure." You are NOT the one responsible for him feeling insecure. That bears repeating - his insecurity is NOT because of you! The only people responsible for our feelings are ourselves, no one else. We are all faced with challenging situations and crappy people every single day that impact our moods and how we see ourselves but at the end of it all, we have the choice with how we respond to those things. I'm not saying this is always easy. However, if it's something we struggle with on our own then we, as mature, rational, adults, are responsible for getting the professional help needed to respond appropriately and do what's best for ourselves and those we care about. This may sound harsh but it's called growing up. If he can't do that, it's not your fault. And you deserve an equal partner in a marriage that is willing to step up and meet you half way, not avoid the pain and the struggle altogether.

I wish you the best of luck.