What's going on?

[deborahlou]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now.
He spends numerous hours on the internet (playing a game).
I spend Fridays, Saturday and Sundays with him and sometimes I come over during the week. For the last past couple of months, he doesn’t seem to be much into sex.
I’m starting to wonder if he’s even attracted to me anymore. I try to wear cute outfits and I try to seduce him but nothing works. We used to have lots of sex in the beginning but
Lately it only happens once or twice a week. He gets erections when he’s laying next to me at night, but when I try to touch him or start anything he says no. Is this normal?
If he has an erection why not have sex?

[queenbuzz]

Eek! This does not sound like a good situation. It's really not you, it's him. Maybe he feels pressured or something. My honest, non licensed opinion is to back off and go out and do some things you enjoy without him. Maybe the lack of pressure will make him more interested.

[Pattyannruss]

could be physical or mental.

Has he been visting "other" sites than the game places?
If he is self pleasuring, that could be one reason.

Might be time for a talk about life, hopes and goals.
See where he stands(or sits )

Good luck...tough talk awaits you.

[Bratttchick]

This sounds exactly like my last relationship only it was the guitar that took his atention, not the computer. I would cry when he told me no.He made me feel so unloved I withdrew from him and ended up leaving for his best friend.The cool thing is he understood and all of us are still friends. my advice go to a counseler.My ex did say I should have just left and then he would've woke up and changed. But now I finaly have the guy I always wanted so it doesn't matter.

[Shauna23]

Not to make this sound bad or anything, but I was experiencing the same kind of stuff with my ex about 3 years ago, we had been together for 4 years. And after we broke up, about 5 months later, I found out he was gay. Now everything that happened that last year of our relationship makes sense, and its also nice to know that I didn't do anything wrong, I just wasn't "his type". But it took him all that time to come out, now I am engaged to someone I love very much. And I now know how men are supposed to act. I had no clue with my ex, sex started out great, once a day or more, but got down to once a week or less. And everytime I wanted it I would ask and he would tell me no, then I would cry and feel really depressed like he didn't want me. Now I get it twice a day or more, even if I don't want it. So there is a really big difference in the two. But hope things work out in the end, they usually do.

[deborahlou]

My post keeps getting mooved....I finally found it hehe

Thanks to all for your replies. My kind of scared because most of you talked about these relationship and they're all in the past =(
I love my boyfriend and sometimes i think that maybe I'm the one that wants it too much. We did do it a lot in the beginning but my friends tell me that sex always dies down after a while.
I know I have an overactive sex drive. He plays this dumb game online ( i posted this once) it's an online game (world of warcraft) and most of the time i come to visit he's playing...i endup falling a sleep and he's still playing. Sometimes he wakes me to have sex and others (he says he felt bad waking me up). Out of the four times a week that we see each other we have sex once or twice.. I would be very sad if he's not attracted to me anymore of he was gay hehe. Do you think i'm overeacting?

[shades of grey]

oh my gosh

this is ExacTLY what my friend is going through right now.

she had been dating her now fiance for a year and he asked her to marry him after being together for a year. since then, he has gotten way more relaxed and plays world of warcraft and barely pays attention to her when he is over.

they used to have sex daily and she has a really big sex drive and now they are lucky if they do it once a week.

She is afraid to talk to him about it because she is a very meek girl and doesn't like to cause any fights. but I just don't know what to tell her.

she also makes excuses that he is "getting it out of his system" before they get married which I think is bunk.

Hmm WoW is really bad for relationships!

[deborahlou]

Hi me2!

Yeah, wow is very bad for relatioships. I have found websites that talk about games such as these and how they break up relationships. Tell your friend to talk to her fiance. I talked to my boyfriend about it (about the sex and the game) and he keeps telling me things will change....I'm still waiting.

[shades of grey]

can you tell me what hte site is? I want to send it to her! I wish you the best and please keep us updated

[butterfly77]

deborahlou

Sorry, that you are having a tough time with your boyfriend. I may be the wrong person to respond to this because I think I'm more cynical because of what has happend to me. I was with my ex for years and for most of that time he had a high sex drive. It started to slow down, but I thought that was normal since it had been six years. The reason it slowed was because he was cheating on me. I hope that's not the case with you, but it does seem strange that he will have an erection and not want to have sex. What does he say is the reason when he doesn't want to have sex and has an erection lying next to you? My friend and her boyfriend used to argue about him playing computer games and spending less time with her, but he never had a high sex drive to begin with. I hope every thing works out for you.

[deborahlou]

Oh my! I hope he's not cheating on me =(
I don't get why he gets erections when he's with me and yet wont try anything....this is beyond me to be honest. I'm so upset with this- it's really starting to bother me. I even asked him last night, if it was me....are you not into me anymore? he told me that he was still into me but he didn't know why he felt that way.
I don't know what to think. he says that lately he hasn't been in the mood or doesn't have the "urge"... The thing is, he watches porn when i'm not there- he's been watching porn since we started dating! so what kind of excuse is that? And my question to him was, how can you not have the "urge" but yet masturbate? I don't get it....but he has no answers for me...I'm so confused
He says he'll stop watching porn to see what happens but i don't see how this will change.
We don't live together- how would i know if he's cheating?
i basically know where he is at all the time...but guys can be sneaky :/

[butterfly77]

I'm sorry to put that in your head. I don't want you to feel that way, because he most likely isn't. It's just what I thought of, but that's probably because that's what happened to me. My boyfriend was very sneaky. When I was at work he would be with her and he would even have her in our apartment when I would call. He would just go in the other room and talk to me. So, I thought I was safe. I even had a roomate, so he had to get passed both of us. Your boyfriend probably isn't cheating if he is there with you instead of making excuses going other places. My boyfriend claimed he was going over to a friends house to work on our car and he would get defensive when I didn't want him to. So, the fact that he's not going anywhere on those nights is a good sign. How long have you guys been together and has your looks changed at all during this time? Is there a certain type of porn that he watches, because maybe he has a desire for something but is to scared to ask you for or to do. Good luck.

[deborahlou]

About the porn, I don't know what kind he watches because he doesn't like to watch it with me. He says it's kind of personal and he'll rather watch it alone. I dislike porn..i find it disgusting but i've even offered to watch with him just to please him. He's very shy about things so I know that if he has a fantasy he wont say it because he's too embarrased. I'm going to see him tonight. I'll bring this up again.
I think it has to do with the game...all his time is spent playing that game and by the time he comes to bed (when i spend the night) I'm already a sleep and he wont wake me.
thanks for your replies. I'll keep you post.

[glowingpurpleaura]

i say ignore him. when hes on the comp go out with friends.. dont try to intiate sex.. he quickly realise that your not going to come to him and he might change his ways..but dont take it too far in that you grow apart because of it. Have u told him how you it makes u feel?
other than that im at a loss sorry i couldnt help more