Feel weird about the Mommy board

[VivC]

I miss all of my friends from the Pregnancy Forum, and they're all over on the Mommy board now. I don't hear from those that I use to e-mail back and forth with (I guess they don't want to think about the MC/IC/PTL bullet they dodged). I know that Adrianne goes over there, but I feel weird about it - I'm not even TTC, I have no baby advice to offer, etc.

Anyone else feel like they've lost an entire group of SC friends? IRL, this happened, but for some reason I never expected to see it HERE!

Don't know - maybe I'm just extra-sensitive since my two best friends both have 8-month-olds. Whenever we all get together, they talk about their babies all night. They don't do it on purpose, and one-on-one we talk about other things. I worry that maybe we're in such different places these days that I'll lose them, too. They already hang out more together than with me. It's just that they have the baby thing in common, and I'm left out. And they're the only friends I have left after losing Rivi.

[Catylou's mom]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry, you seemed to have lost your friends here. Alot of the time people just don't know what to say so they figure it's better to just not saying anything. I know that's not right but it happens. Hopefully your friends will start contacting you soon. I have followed you for quite some time and was very sorry for you loss, but I'm one of those people who never know what to say so I probably never even said that much before. I hope everything goes well for you in the future.

[kwannabee]

You know Viv its sort of 'funny' you wrote this now cuz i've been thinking the same thing sort of...not about the mommie board so much but about you guys here...on the preg loss board. I cant give you guys up...it means so much to me to try to repay in any small way the support and encouragement i got when i lost my girls...but i feel akward sometimes dipping my toes in here with a preg ticker in my siggy

Its hard being happy on one end and still grieving on the other...you want to be supportive and senstive...but at the same time youre trying to think positive...its emotionally exhausting. i dont think people are avoiding you...or leaving you behind...i would answer any question and share anything i could to help out cysters here because i know how important it was for me...i just dont want to make anyone uncomfortable either. i think its hard to decide if you are being insensitive or not...kwim?? I know there are cysters on the mommy board who have moved up together...and they started here first...you all know that bond can be special even though no one has ever actually met before...we might we stuck in different potholes but i like to think we're still on the same bumpy road together...sorry i'm getting sappy...i just send out hugs to you all and i hope you dont mind me peeking in every once in awhile...and the mommy board and prg boards are waiting for you when youre ready...hugs hugs and more hugs...

:o

[VivC]

You BELONG here, too. You paid the admission a long time ago. You still give great advice, and I honestly don't pay attention to siggies except to find out when/how many were lost (depressing, I know). So your siggie doesn't bother me. I'm actually thrilled when one of us graduates - I hope someday to do so myself.

Besides, if you didn't peek in, I'd probably think I'd lost you, too! Then I'd have to stalk you around the boards...it could get ugly!

[VivC]

Thanks for thinking of me! I just miss everyone, IRL and here.

This forum's the only one I feel like a member of now, and sometimes I think I have a big red IC pinned to my sleeve that keeps me from fitting in on other parts of the board. Who cares about excess hair or weight loss or anything else? None of that's really important anymore (although Met is helping with most of it).

I'm just bummed out today.

[loriette]

Viv~

I just wanted to send you (((hugs))) and tell you, you are not alone. My baby was due 12/23/04 and still kept track of the Dec Due daters after my m/c and now I check in on them in the Mommy board. Granted, I just lurk and never post but I was so happy to see them move on and now to see their little ones doing their firsts. I won't say it is easy some days...we all have bad days but more times then not I truly am happy for them.

It is hard sometimes and I have friends and even some family members that won't even talk about my m/c. Alot of people don't know how to comfort us and feel better by just not saying anything at all. In reality, we want aknowlegement for our little ones some just don't understand talking about them can help through our grief.

Hope you feel better soon.

Lori

[GabrielsMom]

Hey Viv, I sort of know how you feel. Fortunately, most of the people in my life are supportive, but I have one close friend that has not contacted me AT ALL since she found out about my son. Someday I might confront her, but right now I just can't deal with it.

About the Mommy Board, I decided to NOT look there after all the drama that went on. MOST of the cysters on there are extremely supportive, and I love them... I really do. I am just not in the emotional frame of mind to deal with the handful that aren't so nice and sensitive. Plus, my due date is coming up and I just don't know how I'll deal with birth announcements. I should be having one! It's just so difficult to deal with.

I keep reminding myself that this is not forever. I do believe that one day, we all will get back into things and restore relationships and even make new meaningful ones.

Feel free to email me if you ever want to chat. You can do it through my profile.

Love and hugs,
Adrianne

[PJC]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down, like you're losing your friends. My own sister doesn't even mention Anna. We just put our dog down 2 weeks ago after a long illness and she has never mentioned him either (not to reference our babies to my dog, but ykwim!). She also loved the dog. It's like life just goes on and if we don't mention it, then we'll forget about it. Yeah, right!

Anyway, I had my appointment yesterday with the high risk ob and I'd like to update you on the issue with the no twisting of the umbilical cord. After all I've read, she said that she wouldn't worry in the slightest about it (easier said than done!). She said that she didn't think that it had anything to do with Anna's early arrival. Babies are born with twisted and non twisted cords and have good and bad outcomes, not in relation to the twisting. She's the second doc who basically said the same thing, so I'm not so worried about that. It's looking like I also might have IC, but we'll never know for sure (we don't know which came first-the dilating cervix or the contractions). I hope this helps.

Hugs to you!

[~Traci~]

Viv {{{{HUGS}}}} I know exactly what you mean. For a time, I didn't know where I belonged either. I still lurk (& post sometimes) over on the TTC forum, avoid the pg & mommy forums & post frequently on the adoption forum. Although I hardly ever got to the pg forum w/ any of my pg'cies I still was there & talked to lots of cysters that were due the same time as me. I do think about it a lot but I don't go there to find out what's going on b/c it still hurts. Right now, I feel most comfortable here & over on the adoption forum.

I don't talk to anyone IRL about my m/c's b/c everyone avoids me (except for DH & @ times he even avoids the subject). I don't have any friends IRL either b/c everyone avoids me now...

TTYL
Traci

[shorty1kanobi]

I just wanted to say that I'm interested in talking with any and/or all of you and I can and will talk about things other than pregnancy/babies unless that's what YOU want to talk about.

And if you want to talk about your losses, I'm still open and willing. I know I can only imagine what you've been through and even then it will simply be a glimpse of a fragment of your grief.

I wish that none of you had to experience this type of grief, but as it is too late for that I simply want to extend an offer of friendship on whatever level you are comfortable with.

[ReneeBeth]

Aww, Viv...I know what you mean.
I kept an eye on the pg board, and watched those February due daters announcing their happy new arrivals. It hurt. But I wanted to see how I might have felt if that happened to me. If I had a happy ending, too.
I still talk to 2 of those gals, who are also from this board (Hey Aviva and Sheri!). They had loses, same as the one I did, and went on to have happy, healty babies. I guess with them, it was easier to handle their success. They already went through the horrible loss, and went on to have the joys they have now.
I feel kind of weird posting here, or the pg board. I feel like I shouldn't post here cuz I'm pregnant again, and should post on the pg board because I don't know how this pregnancy will go. I worry like there's no tomorrow...and some of the women on the pg board with me just don't understand. They don't know what it's like to lose a baby when we all did. Which is a great thing, no woman should have to experience that, but it's hard to relate to them sometimes.

Anyway, just letting you know...talk to me anytime I might be pregnant, but I'm still just...waiting. I honestly try NOT to remember I'm pregnant. It's the only way I get a moment of not worrying about things.
And I still don't know if I like the idea of possibly having this baby on or around the date of Daniel's birth day. You had your baby just 2 days after me...how do you think you'd feel about that? And how is everything else going for you? Keep on posting here..and if you ever want me to shut up, just let me know

[Pamela]

Viv, I just wanted to give you a ((hug)))
I had a loss at 13 wks. It doens't even come close to all of you gals. But my heart aches for each of you.
And Viv, even though you don't have Rivi in your arms, You are STILL a mommy!!!!!!
Pam

[Tetley]

Oh honey, sorry to hear you're feeling bummed out. Must admit I haven't ventured into the TTC / Mommy Board areas yet, can't bring myself. Especially as I'm now in the anniversary zone. I've got two friends who are TTC at the moment. I'd would be genuinely happy for both of them, but I'm kind of dreading it too. I can sense that they are pulling back from me because they feel awkward and I'm pulling back because I'm still raw.

I hate the variety of ways PCOS can mess things up.

Thinking of you.

Hugs from across the Atlantic

Luv

Tetley X

[AvivaElona]

Hey Viv, I'm sorry you feel like you lost your friends. They are all still there I'm sure though, waiting for you to take the lead. I've been missing from this board for a little while, I needed to spend some time focusing on Japhet, but I miss Isaac still and will always be his mommy too. You are a mommy and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Hugs, missing Rivi with you.

Aviva

[SheriKCMO]

Now that I've got one to take care of--- finally!!--- my online time has been limited. I love hearing updates, even though some of them aren't great, because I can see that you and others are getting through this muddle. I will always care, even when I don't have a chance to email or post here. One of these days, I'll be organized and be online a little more. [It's been three weeks, and I'm still trying to get my birth story up!] You haven't lost us...

I feel similarly to some of you about the original due date group I was in. Those babies are turning one, and I haven't lost sight of several of those sweet cysters. They still keep an eye on me and are very happy for me (hi Pam!). It helps, but there is still the awful feeling that I don't belong and that I should have a one year old this month. I really wonder what it would feel like to have no knowledge of this pain whatsoever. I wouldn't have fallen out of the crowd I was so fond of. It does feel like limbo.

Viv, just remember that the future can be very bright. All of us wish that for you. ((Hugs))
Sheri