It seems like it's not meant to be. (LONG RANT AHEAD. LOL)

[angrypcoser]

Every time I set up an appointment for our house inspection and drop off of the homestudy paperwork, something happens financially to us.

I kid you not. Late last year, we were going to start the process, and set up an appointment, and I had been sick from an on the job illness (mold exposure), and was subsequently fired over it.

So, with no job, I cancelled the appointment, not wanting to start adopting without both of us having a job to where I can build a savings account to have a buffer...as I will be SAHM and eBay mom when we adopt.

Well, I had an appointment set back up for February 23, 2005. 2 weeks before that, I got VERY sick with an Upper Respiratory Infection, while working at a new job. It was a set back from the mold exposure, according to my Dr.

So, I on a hunch, I cancelled the new appointment, with barely a voice, because I told the CW that I felt that I would get fired because I had missed 8 days and had only worked there 4 months. And, I was too sick for her to come over anyway.

So, sure enough I did get fired again. Now that job wants me back. LOL

So, here I am again, and sometimes it feels as if I am the only one wanting the adoption.

My mother always sighs or rolls her eyes when I bring up adoption. She doesn't want me to adopt, because of the way my other 2 sisters turned out. She says "all the child will do is grow up to cause you nothing but misery and heart-ache".

It's not MY fault my sisters cause mom such problems, and it really hurts my feelings to see that she's trying everything in her power to make me NOT adopt a child.

See, I'm her baby, she is very controlling, and I'm the only daughter she can count on with her mother getting old, her with a botched knee, etc...so I'm thinking the REAL concern of hers is that I will no longer be able to jump when she says jump if I have a child and family of my own.

My husband, OTOH, would like to adopt, too, however, he's like me...we want to make sure I have a steady job I can count on and get a savings acct built up first before we bring a child into our home.

So, what do you think? Told you this would be a long rant. LOL

[Esmeralda0328]

Your mom sounds bitter and angry. I would suggest you not listen to her unless you want to end up like her. I am a firm believer that children turn out how you raise them 90% of the time. It seems like you were the very rare exception to this rule. My mother is also very controlling and manipulative to add to that. She tells me if she had to do it over again she would get dogs instead. For the longest time I kept trying to figure out what I did so wrong. I'm very self sufficient, I've put myself through school, I have a good job, I have a home, very decent furniture, and when people get to know me they are just amazed at what I've been able to do. Why can't my mom see that? I too thought about (or rather am still thinking about) adoption. I got the speech about why in the world I would do that if I have my own children. I would do it because.....that little kid needs someone to love him and take care of him. That hits me so personal because that is something I never had. When I really start thinking about things.....my mom isn't someone I want to end up like. So go with your heart and don't shut out what you feel in your heart.....I think my mom did and then she just turned cold.

[angrypcoser]

I appreciate your reply. See, I don't have ANY children yet. I have lost 2 pregnancies (unknown how many children, as first pregnancy was an unmedicated multiple).

I know she thinks my other 2 sisters are a drag. They are. See, mom's mistake was raising all of us with high standards.

She was not the type of mom to share mistakes in the past, because she believes, as do I, that what I did in the past is none of your business if it is not affecting you now.

My other 2 sisters are habitual liars and wanted to "fit in" and not be considered "prudes", so they made up all sorts of stories and got into all sorts of trouble to prove they were part of the in crowd.

So, yes, they turned on my mother. One of them finally got smart enough to realize that mom was pregnant when she graduated high school, but just barely, and mom didn't know it yet.

So, they felt that was a license to say "even our mom's not perfect", yada yada. UGH

So now, she takes it out on me, the one who felt duty bound to make sure she had at least 1 child she could depend on, and now that is backfiring. LOL

What's worse, is my youngest niece had her baby in December. She's the anti-christ compared to me. LOL

Yet, mom oohs and aahs about her great grandchild, yet doesn't want me to have one, naturally or adopted. *shrugs* Just doesn't make sense. LOL

Ty again, I'm glad to know, but sorry to know, I'm not the only one out there.

[Esmeralda0328]

That's because she wants you to take care of her. You having a child would interfere with that. I think a lot of parents make the mistake and think that children are here to take care of the parent. That isn't it. You bring a child into this world to love it and care for it. It's about what you can do for it....not about what it can do for you. It really sounds like your mom has a lot of codependancy issues and probably even plays guilt trips. All I can say is....go for what in your heart makes you happy because you are never going to make her happy. And the truth of the matter is, we are each in control of our happiness. None of us have the power to make anyone else happy. Don't let anyone hold you back on that because you will really regret it later.