what would you do?

[georgy]

To give you a bit of the background...

my pal has PCOS too, she is happily married to a really nice easy going guy, She is overweight (about 14lbs more than me), but is one of those PCOS ladies who has NO body hair, she only shaves under her arms ONCE A YEAR!! Her hubby has neve once passed comment on her weight or appearance, he loves her for who she is (which is a lovely girl with a fantastic sense of humour!)

Anyhoo, her hubby and her were bickering over the housework the other day and he said "well if you got off your fat ass then it would get done!"

She has been very upset since, phoned me crying and told me that she now finds it really hard to forgive. He is very very apologetic and said that it wasn't meant the way it came out - it was just a 'turn of phrase'. she's starting to calm down but she says that she will just always have it at the back of her mind that he really does have an issue about her weight no matter what he has said in the past...

I just don't know if I could forgive Stephen if he said that either. I trust him 100% and if he hurt me like that I would be so upset, I mean, I have battled other peoples nasty comments and prejudgments all my life so I don't know if I could cope if he turned on me too...but what would you do?

isn't it crazy how people say such hurtful things in anger?

[Lfgd20]

Ooh I would be mad. GRR!!! I am not exactly sure what I would do, but I would have a hard time forgiving at first. I know that I could forgive them eventually, but it would be difficult!

[georgy]

yeah, I'm with you.

I mean, like we are not neurotic enough about our weight without our partner making comments like that!

the more I think about it the worse I feel for her. It might seem trivial but if I put myself in her shoes then I get angry...but I don't know how I would deal with it.

[Maddy]

Well I suppose if you turn it around and imagine you said something in anger to your DH which really upset him - you would be extra nice for a while and make sure you didn't say it again. This is what he needs to be doing ~ he hurt her and now she feels vulnerable. It will take a bit of time but I'm sure she will recover (provided he doesn't put his food in his mouth again)

[georgy]

yeah, I agree there too - but I think she feels that deep down he really has issues with her weight, and has been 'lying' to her all this time. I dunno, maybe she feels that her trust has been dented a little.

The funny thing is that he isn't exactly an adonis with a 6 pack

[tariana]

I don't blame her at all for being very hurt. I would be too! I'm not sure what I'd do, actually... but I think it's fine for her to be mad for a while.