Would you say something to a stranger about their facial hair?

[pleasantlyblew]

The other day I passed by a woman on the high street who had terrible facial hair on the sides of her face - not a stubble but full on long sideburns. I really felt that I wanted to say something to her about it but couldn't bring myself to. She looked like a typical PCOSer and part of me wanted to just give her this web address but then I thought how humiliated she may feel, plus who am I to say anything? I mean if she does nothing to disguise it then maybe she is accepting of it and maybe that makes me the one with a problem? But then I thought back to how desperate I felt a few years ago and I would have been so grateful to hear about any support. I walked away and then two minutes later I decided to walk down the street to see if I could spot her and gently say something but she was gone. I mean how on earth do you say something like that without appearing patronising? Especially as my symptoms are pretty well controlled now. It's like a thin person saying to an overweight person, 'Oh I used to be like you until I found ....' I have been dwelling on this for days now. What do others think? Would you have said anything or is it best left alone? Would it be different if you knew the person a bit rather than a total stranger? Was I just being cowardly?

Nikki x

[astrophe]

I'd leave it alone if it is a complete stranger.

If it is a friend, then I might say something if I felt like they were in a receptive mood.

A.

[Ammaarah]

I know how you felt and the conflict. I wouldn't say anything, but I did recommend SC.com to some women in my life who showed symptoms and one of them got DXd soon after.

I hope that lady gets the help she needs! You are kind to care about a stranger like that.

[girlygirl522]

I probably wouldn't say anything unless I knew her extremely well. I know how mortified I would feel if someone pointed it out to me. I try to keep my hair under control; but I don't wax my mustache as often as I should, and I try to leave the long, but blonde and soft hairs alone. I am sure someone can see them when the light hits it right. However, I would rather believe that no one knows.

I don't think you were being a coward. I think you were being discreet. Telling her about PCOS might have been a good option. But that would probably be easier with someone you knew at least a little.

Take Care,
Tracey

Only one time did someone ask me about it. She SAID she could barely tell I had a facial hair problem and wanted some tips for her daughter. I told her all about PCOS. I figure that if she could embarrass me, then she had to listen to my presentation. I DID end up giving her tips though.

[Anonykat]

No, no, never a stranger. She HAS to know that she has them. And she HAS to know that it's not normal. And if she has half a brain, she has to have sought medical help. I think most people would be mortified, if not at least terribly awkward, if someone pointed out something like that, even if they tried to be very kind about it. She's either handling it, or she's not ready to face it and would rather pretend it's not there. In which case we should allow her that.

I used to work with a woman from Guam who had the kind of sideburns that John Travolta had in the 70's. I'll be honest - looking at her REALLY bothered me and I dearly wished she would do something about it. But, she seemed really into her indigenous Guamanian stuff, so maybe her tribe saw that as okay?? I don't know. Or maybe she was trying to work on it. Or maybe she just didn't care. Either way, I didn't see how any words from me would help.

[sleepydumpling]

My advice is to NEVER say anything to ANYONE, stranger or friend unless THEY bring the subject up. And that goes for weight problems too.

I suffer from both and I cannot tell you the humiliation and embarrassment that I have suffered by rude people that think it is their right to "tell" me that I'm overweight or hairy. Even when they're doing it with good intentions, it hurts like hell.

Anonykat - I agree with you that a woman has to know that she has facial hair - but that doesn't mean she's sought medical attention, help from a beauty therapist or such. Maybe she's just too embarrassed and humiliated. That doesn't make her stupid or anything. And maybe if she DID seek help from a doctor, they might have not actually given her any help. I personally had doctors tell me it was because I was too fat, because I was "like a man" and that "nothing could be done about it." before I found my lovely current doctor who has been so helpful.

But what my point is - no matter what her circumstances, stranger, friend or family - it's HER issue and should be left to her to bring it up if she wants to talk about it. We all know how much we hate being told we're overweight and that we should do something about it - and it's no different to be told we have facial hair and that we should do something about it. Just treat everyone with the same respect and manners no matter what their physical appearance.

Cheers
K

[LaurAnnHere]

I can tell you that I am mortified by all the stranger who come up and ask about my face (acne) and give me suggestions on how to fix it. I think to myself "You idiots, don't you realize I know that I have acne. Don't you think I have tried everything to fix it?" People's good intentions can be just as painful as people who are cruel. I'm glad you didn't approach the lady. It might have really hurt her feelings and left her embarrassed about her hair. I know that after I leave the house unless something happens to remind me of my physical flaws I usually don't think about them. I don't need anyone to point anything out to me and remind me.

By the way, I wasn't calling you an idiot. I know your heart was in the right place.

[lil lizzie]

I am always wanting to talk to people when I notice ANY symptom, especially the facial hair. And it absolutely kills me because I know that they would be so embarassed! I think it would be a lot different if you somewhat knew the person. Then they would probably realize that you were genuinely trying to help, not just being mean. I don't know.

Amber

[Mickey 99]

If it was a stranger then I would not say anything.If it was a friend I would bring it up some how in a conversation then I would tell them to check out soul cysters.

[~Julie~]

absolutly not! if someone i didn't know came up to me, i'd die! now a friend is a different story.

[pleasantlyblew]

Thanks for your replies ladies. I am so glad I didn't find her again. I thought at the time if I couldn't find her again then it was not meant to be. I don't think I could have actually mentioned her facial hair directly but in my mind I was thinking that as I am a 'complementary' health practitioner that I could have somehow geared the conversation in a certain way and dropped SC into it.

I guess it was just my wild imagination - I don't think I could have brought myelf to say anything really. I just have this fantasy world in my mind where I want to help everyone who is suffering because it makes me sad if I know there is a possible solution. I think it stems from the fact that a few years back I felt desperately ill all the time and it went on for so many years and it seemed that nobody (medical wise) cared and I felt so helpless and alone. It was only through my own research that I discovered SC which gave me the knowledge and strength to fight the system which is why I am now living a good, happy and healthy life. But you are right it is not appropriate to say anything uninvited.

I wouldn't dream of making rude comments about anyone's appearance to them, either about their weight or acne or anything. But I do know that although I would have hated someone making comments to me about my appearance, I wish someone could have said to me 'Have you ever heard of PCOS? Do you think you may have it?' and then I could have maybe found out about it much sooner than I did instead of wondering what the hell was going on with my body

Nikki x

[jun keater]

This is where the business cards from the campaign come in handy! I carry them with me wherever I go - I put them up on boards & leave them in the doctors office. If I see the need, (which I haven't yet) I will hand them to someone. I wrote on the back of a few, that it is not my intention to hurt, humilate or embarass anyone - I am just concerned and wanted to bring PCOS to their attention.

[sleepydumpling]

I honestly couldn't think of anything more embarrassing or humiliating than some stranger coming up to me and giving me PCOS information because they can see my facial hair. That would be SO humiliating!!

[jun keater]

I on the otherhand would have been THRILLED had someone told me years ago why I have been suffering! I am almost 44 years old and just found out over a year ago - I mentioned it to someone that I know at the gym and she was excited to think that she finally had an answer..... I think it's all in the way it is approached.

[sleepydumpling]

I had a friend give me a business card for a hair removal place a few weeks ago. She was trying to be nice and it didn't work. All it did was humiliate me and make me go home and cry my eyes out in embarrassment. I was so horrified that she even noticed I had facial hair.