Depressed?

[cd]

Ok, well, here goes. I really don't know if I'm depressed. I really don't know. I just really need to say these things out loud. I am so blessed and feel so grateful for everything in my life. I am 100 pounds overweight and my husband still adores me...and he doesn't have a weight problem! I am 41 years old. The endo. doc dxd me last year with PCOS and put me on met. I took the met for 180 days and stopped on my own. Didn't lose any weight. Canceled my next appt. and here I am 3 weeks away from going to see him again . I haven't lost an ounce. I'm embarrassed to tell him that I stopped the meds. I haven't gotten my period in over a year! I am an unfulfilled, compulsive eater. I want to do something with the second half of my life. I feel like I'm running out of time. I worry about health things all the time. I worry constantly about everything. I hate asking for help and keep things in always. Everything for me is either black or white. Everything suffers with that thought pattern. I have no real friends other than my husband. I open up to no one. I trust no one. I hate this feeling. I have many acquaintances and am the life of the party. Everyone tells me that I should be a comedian. Isn't that always the way. I don't feel funny at all. I want to change. I want to do something that makes a difference in this world. I want to be a blessing in people's lives. I want my son and husband to get all of me. I don't want to be depressed. I don't feel normal anymore. I don't know how to talk to my doc. I don't want people to think I'm lazy and have no self control just because I'm overweight. I'm a good person. I'm totally stuck. I need to start exercising. I can't find the motiviation. You would think that having this PCOS (though I'm totally in denial about this) would make me want to get better and be better. I don't know how to change. I eat right and nothing comes off the scale. So then I start to exercise and still nothingl. I can't think of one hobby or talent I have to focus some attention on. I'm screaming inside.

[heather090702]

((((((Hugs to you))))))

You are a wonderful! You obviously care so much about your husband and son and the rest of the world even!

It sounds to me like you might be depressed, as well as have some anxiety issues. Please speak to your doctor. Depression is a symptom of PCOS, and how could it not be with all that we go through!

As for the met....it is not a miracle drug but it is a very helpful tool in losing weight. How many mgs were you taking? Perhaps you needed more. There are also many of us who didn't see a difference until after an entire year on met. After my first year I was able to lose 20 lbs with healthy eating and no exercise because my butt is pretty lazy. But, you need to give the met plenty of time to work. With PCOS, our hormones are sooooo messed up that a pill isn't going to magically fix us, but that was my first impression of met too. I thought I would just take it and lose weight like crazy.

I wish I could just hand you some motivation but I can't. You need to be really ready to make the change, nobody can do it for you. Talk to your doctor, discuss the met, try it again and wait it out to see if your labs improve. Also see a doctor about your depression. Someone urged me to write it all down in a letter, give it to DH and have him give it to the doctor to read and that way I could say all I had to say and not chicken out on saying what needed to be said. It worked.

I really hope you begin to feel better, we are always here for you whenever you need us!

Heather

[cd]

Heather, Thank you so very much for your heart-felt words. I think you're a really great person to respond to me and give me guidance. This kind of thing is what I am missing in my
"friendships." Except with my husband (his name is Mike also!). My doc never told me how long met would take, and he never told me what to do to lose weight. He just said basically that my periods will come back if I lose weight! I will talk to him in a few weeks and try to not be embarrassed that I didn't lose weight. I will definitely take your advice! Thank you again!

[dellwood]

Definitely try again with your doctor.Let him know clearly what your concerns are and see what he can do to help. You deserve to be firing on all cylinders so you can enjoy your family! Good luck.

[loriparks]

I understand EXACTLY what you are going through! I am recently diagnosed and have a wonderful husband and son who love me just the way I am. I'm always trying to put on an act for everyone else (only they know how I really feel). I'm also 100+ pounds overweight. (compulsive eater too!) I agree with talking to your doctor again. I take 1000mg of met a day. (soon to be 2000mg) I've lost about 12 pounds so far. Maybe you just need to be on a higher dose or like the other ladies said give it some time. I know I was in shock to learn I had lost weight because I had not really changed what I was eating. I had tried really hard to lose weight before my diagnosis and nothing worked any more! I hope you get everything straightened out.

[cd]

Oh my gosh...thank you too for responding. I am going to talk to my doc Dellwood and I think I'm gonna use your words of "firing on all cylinders...I love that!

Lori, I'm so relieved to see women in the exact position I'm in! It just makes me feel so much better...although I wish we both weren't in this position! I'm glad that you are losing weight and hope for continued success! I'm just so glad I've found you guys!

[heather090702]

Honey, we're glad you found us too. We will be your friends and provide you with all the support and encouragement and anything else you need.

Don't be embarassed about not having lost any weight. Any doctor who understands PCOS knows how difficult it is to lose weight. Be honest with him about your meds so you get the right treatment. Please let us know how you are doing, we're always here.

Heather

[cd]

Thank you so much Heather. Your words are so nice and encouraging. I'm sending you hugs right back. All of you!

[CRose]

I understand completely. I get the way sometimes. it was hard for me to hear from the doctor " OO you big girl". and then tell me that i need to loose weight to fix the problem. ugh. WHen he finally put me on glucophage and it helped, it felt great and now im back where i started i feel horrible. i just want to be able to go on a diet and loose weight like normal people. it gets old when people look at u like all u do is eat eat eat. i eat when im emotional but dang i dont eat all the time. im not disgusting just because im bigger. my husband is 6'2 and 145 pds....no weight problem at all but loves all of me. he is just concered for my health. EVen my bosses wife keeps telling me all the health food advice like im a pig and dont know what healthy food is. (shes a size 0). UGH so frustrating. i know what u feel!


anyway, im so glad to see BABIES! i want a baby someday and this gives me so much hope that ill someday be able to normally concieve a child!

[pink76mom]

[ I open up to no one. I trust no one. I hate this feeling. I have many acquaintances and am the life of the party. Everyone tells me that I should be a comedian. Isn't that always the way. I don't feel funny at all. I want to change. [/QUOTE]

Wow, those words sound like they could have come from me!! I am so sorry that you are feeling so horrible right now. Definitely talk with your doc about the depression. An antidepressant may be very helpful, it was for me. It may also help with the motivation and lack of fulfillment.
I have always hated talking to my doc or ANYONE about weight/food issues. It feels so humiliating to me. When I finally got the courage to drag me fat but to WW, it was worth it. (I was/am in denial, like no one else knows I have a weight problem!! and Lane Bryant is not a Plus size store!!) I lost 43 lbs and then got pregnant (yeah) I am vowing to go back and lose the remaining 25 after I have the baby. (It may be more than 25 then, but hopefully not too much more!)
For some reason, it is still hard for me to admit that I have a weight problem/food issues. When people compliment me on the weight loss I am often embarrassed because I realize how out of control I had let it get. (I am 5"0 and weighed 191)
Sorry for rambling, your post just really touched me. I tend to be so closed off. Like you, no one knows that I am screaming on the inside. The antidepressant and a good couneslor have been wonderful for me, I still have bad times, but not so horrible. Let me know if you need to talk ever!

[cd]

CRose and Pink....thanks to you too for your great words! CRose I wish you all the baby luck and vibes I could send your way!! And don't you love the skinny people who haven't a clue what it feels like to wake up in a fat body every day...dispense their advice!! I hate that! We'll make it, though. I can feel it.

Pink....I'm screaming on the inside, too! I'm a little nervous to try antidepressants. I tried Paxil twice and it left me with hot flashes and made me more anxious! I'm glad it's working for you and I think it's wonderful that you are having another baby! I'm really glad that you lost 43 pounds...what an awesome feat!!! I hope to be able to say that I've lost 43 pounds someday soon!I would love to talk anytime!

[yesimln]

cd,

I definitely agree with the other ladies here that you should talk to someone about your depression. I think it's clear that it's one of your PCOS symptoms - a phrase that I find useful at SC (although I've never used it before now) is "takes one to know one" and I know you! LOL

Anyway, for what it's worth, I think a combination of meds (MET/antidepressant) can really help a lot in many situations. I've only been on MET a few months and expected a dramatic woo-hoo weight loss - no such luck. In fact I got lazy on my diet and gained 7 pounds! But the one thing that is true about it (for me) is that when I eat really smart and go to the gym on a regular basis it's so much easier for me to lose now. I've dropped 6 of the 7 pounds in about 10 days now. That's not even a possibility in my preMET life. FYI I'm a longtime user of Prozac - this is my second stint on it - and I'd sing the praises on Oprah if I could it makes such a difference in my world. Doesn't work for everyone but I'm glad it works for me.

One of the things that has helped me the most in the last 6 months or so, since I was diagnosed, is that I have really good doctors. My pcp and my ob are awesome and responsive and supportive. My last advice is that you have any "ugh" feelings about going to the doctor, other than usual "omigod i don't want to" reaction, I'd say you should try out a new doctor. It occurred to me that I've never felt like a doctor was on my side weight-wise. This one I can talk to, joke with, and she's even said to me "you don't have to be skinny to be fit. and if i had to choose one of them, i'd choose fit. and for the record you're fit!" I swear it was so motivational I signed on to a nutritionist the next day. So, awesome doctors who are supportive are another key to success.

Good luck, and let us know how your doctor visit goes.

[Sparkzilla]

CD,

I know exactly how you feel. I've been dealing with depression for about 15 years now. I suffered and suffered...on the outside, everyone thought I was hilarious, popular, all that. But inside, I was dying from inexplicable sadness, worry, and no will to do anything. Finally, I decided to get help. I went through three doctors until I found one I was comfortable with. It also took trying several different antidepressants before I finally found the right one for me (Celexa and Well Butrin). Zoloft would make me grind my teeth uncontrollably and sweat; Prozac plum didn't work; Paxil was a nightmare. I've recently gone off my meds, hoping to TTC, and so far I'm doing great without them. Just know that you're not alone in this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
((((HUGS))))