17 week loss

[XicaChica]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to introduce myslf and tell my story. I was diagnosd with PCOS in Feb. 10 days after the start of met, I got pregnant. Everything was great, I started to show, but in mid-June, I started to feel cramping. We had heard a strong heartbeat 1 week before. I called the doc, who said it was probably nothing but to come in for a check up...I had no bleeding and my cervix was closed, but when we checked for the heartbeat, it was gone. The nurse kept saying it's rare to miscarry so late in pregnancy....well the u/s confirmed my baby had died and I had a d/c the next day, 6/17/05. I had a feeling the baby was a girl and we named her Naima a few weeks ago.
Needless to say I was devastated, I wanted to die, and poor DH had to deal with the loss of his baby and me being a zombie. It's been 5 weeks and although I do not cry every waking moment, all I think about are the events, the sadness, and WHY? I am very angry at the world, at pregnant people, at everyone. I feel like an alien. All I see is happy people around me and everyone seems to have moved on, except for me. Aside from wanting my baby back, I want answers, but that, I will never get. The doc said the baby was 15 weeks in growth, so the growth was slow. I am being tested for lupus, ana, the works, so we'll see what happens. I just ovulated on 7-17 so I am waiting for AF. I am sorry to ramble on, but I am so devastated. I miss my baby, and I am afraid I will never have babies. But we are not giving up...we'll be trying again next month. Well that is my story, the short version, because I can talk about this til the end of time. I do have one question....could PCOS have caused my miscarrige? I had always read it resulted in early miscarriage...I just want some answers because I feel it's my fault. Someone please help me.

[omcv]

XicaChica - Please do not blame yourself. Being pregnant though a happy experience is fraught with anxiety. You’re always waiting for next u/s or to hear the heartbeat. Then when you hear the devastating news, you feel numb, unable to feel anything. I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but I want you to know you are in our prayers and we are here for you!

[JESS4HOUSTON]

I'm so sorry for your loss!!! ((((((HUGS)))))) I felt the same way you did! I still do! I wish I had some majic advise or answers for you but I dont!! All I have are (((HUGS & TEARS))) I'm so sorry for your loss!!

Jessica

[Mich831]

I am so sorry for your loss. We all know too well the pain that comes from lossing a child.

Take care of yourself. Take all the time you need to grieve. It will get better but it takes time. And you never stop thinking about your angel. My due date with my angel is coming up (July 28th) and it's all I am thinking about. My baby would have been 2yrs old.

It's good that they are testing you for everything. I don't know if PCOS could have caused a 2nd trimester loss. Were you on Met at all? I know they say it helps during the first trimester.

We're all here for you whenever you need someone to talk to and understand.

Michele

[*pEaNuT*]

((HUGS)) I am so sorry for your loss!! I will keep you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers!

[JuliannePCOS]

So sorry to hear about your loss.

I struggle with the same things. I do feel that it helps to talk to others who understand, though. I don't know where I'd be without all of my internet friends whose lives and similar stories touched my heart in my deepest moments of sorrow.

Did they do any testing on the fetal tissue or the placenta? Had you had a Quad Screen (AFP) done?

*hugs*

[enits]

XicaChica,

I am so so sorry for your loss. (((hugs))) I understand how you feel as I lost my baby at 17 weeks and 5 days last February 7. I wish there is a magic pill I can share with you that will make your pain and anger go away but there isn't anything like that...if there were, I'd be so high on it! I also want you to know that it wasn't your fault. Please try not to blame yourself. Just like you, I want answers, and I've searched for them with the help of my doctors, and all I have are just speculations. It's so hard, hon, so please remember take care of yourself. I wish you well. (((hugs)))

[jlmcquade]

XicaChica,
I am so sorry for your loss. Lots of (((((((Hugs)))))))) to you and your family. I can understand the feels of guilt, anger and absolute devastation. These are all normal feelings. It will be 1 month tomorrow that I lost my baby and I still think about him all the time. I too have a hard time going out places because it seems as though pregnant women are everywhere. It's very hard no to break down in the middle of the mall or anywhere else.
It is good that you are keeping a positive attitude about trying again, I feel the same way. I can not give up either.

Please know that we are all hear for you whenever you need us.

Take Care and God Bless
-Julie

[XicaChica]

After the d/c, they did not test the placenta. The AFP came back with no ploblems. I want on Met until about 2.5 months of my pregnancy.

[SheriKCMO]

I am so sorry for your loss. (((Hugs!))) It might not help you feel better at all, but it might help you feel like a normal mother to know that practically all of us here have felt the things you are going through right now. I especially remember replaying the events of my loss over and over and over in my mind. There must be a reason for it, like it's a part of the grieving process. Give yourself plenty of time, and you and hubby hold on tight to each other. Your love is where this little girl came from, and it's where she will be remembered and honored the most. Don't hesitate to take your medical records to a different doctor if you think someone else might have more answers. Unfortunately a lot of these remain a mystery. Pcos might not be involved this time, though I have no idea. In any case, it is not your fault... this happened TO you. I hope that your heart can heal some as time passes. It's hard, but we'll be here for you!
Take care,
Sheri

[VivC]

((Xica)). I'm so sorry.

I don't know whether PCOS can cause this type of loss...I do hope they find out the cause so you can treat it next time.

I think everything you're feeling is perfectly normal. Be gentle with yourself.

[Gnzls924]

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you right now. (((hugs)))

[GabrielsMom]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[karynh]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I am also new on here, but so far the support I have been getting is amazing. Remember let yourself feel sad and it is okay to cry

[saluki_fan]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am not sure if PCOS would contribute to a 2nd-trimester loss, but I know there are other issues (blood clotting problems, like you mentioned being tested for) that can lead to PG loss, especially if untreated. I hope the testing gives you some answers and a treatment plan.

(((Hugs)))

Meghan