How do you say goodbye?

[Mindijean]

In a few weeks, our 10 month old foster son will be going into full family foster care w/ his birthmom and his newborn sister. I've spoken w/ the "new" foster mom, and she's wonderful. The judge has ordered visitation for my husband and I, so we'll still be seeing our foster son weekly. Still, it's going to be hard to say goodbye to him living with US, you know what I mean?

The full family foster care is a make or break situation for the birthmom. She either completes the program and lives w/ the family for 6 months to a year, or she "fails" and our foster son + his little sister come back to live with us.

I'm supposed to hope for the reunification, right?

[macrod]

Reunification is the goal. I hated when they use to tell me that after bringing the child to my door. The condition that some of the children arrived in just made me want to cry. It is always hard to lose a child but in this case you will be able to visit with the children and know that someone will be taking care of them. The only thing I could do was pray that God's plans for them included a safe and loving home. I will keep you and your fosterbabies in my prayers.

[Lisa67]

I can only imagine how hard it will be to say goodbye. I remember when I met with our DSS and they told me the goal was reuniting the family. Just the thought of it broke my heart and that's part of why I couldn't sign up for fostering.

I wish you all the best and I hope everything works out and in the end eveyone is happy and healthy. HUGS

[demora]

I'm supposed to hope for the reunification, right?

No. I would say you're supposed to hope for whatever is best for the children (your own feelings a side). If the biological mother (birthmom is someone who has willing placed a child for adoption..IMHO) has gotten her act together and is a suitable mom for her kids, then great! If not then she will probably fail the program anyway...but I digress....heh. Sorry, I seem to be babbling and not making any sense today...so I'll just say my thoughts are with you and your forster children.

[LaurAnnHere]

You can't help what your heart wishes for, so even if reunification happens, you don't have to be thankful. You love him as you would if he was your biological child. He was removed from his biological mother for a reason and even if she gets her act together, you are under no obligation to like the decision, even if you're required to accept it. (((hugs)))

[Mindijean]

I do only hope for whatever's best to happen for our foster son. Whatever is best isn't always reunification, in my opinion.

[demora]

I do only hope for whatever's best to happen for our foster son. Whatever is best isn't always reunification, in my opinion.

I agree. There are a lot of unfit parents out there but unfortunately, the system works in their favor more often then not. Even in adoption situations, if a birthfather has never had any thing to do with the care of the baby or the birthmother while she was pregnant, he has full parental rights to the child - no matter what his background is. Black magic and a history of counseling for pedopheliac (is that a word?) tendancies doesn't matter in the eyes of the law. He had rights to my son and I had to fight him for what was best.

*hugs*

[samstars]

Mindijean

It is very hard, super hard. There is nothing I can tell you to make it easier. Reunification with the Mother and Father or Both whatever the situation is suppose to be the end goal. But honestly we have had caseworkers tell us that even though they tell themselves over and over that it is what they are suppose to work on it is hard for them too.

My soon to be adopted son comes from horrible circumstances that only worsened over his life (10 years) because the system felt he should be kept with family. Now as far as the system is concerned no one in his bio family will ever get to hurt him again and they are all for us adopting him as soon as possible.

All I can finally say is God knows what is going to happen and he also knows what child or children are meant to be yours forever. Keep faith, believe me I know it is hard but it will happen.

Good Luck with the visits and yes, in the end whatever is best for all of the children out there.

Stacy

[Juana Baby]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this process. My prayers will be with you and your husband to have peace during this situation.

laural

[Mindijean]

Thank you all!

I'm praying right now that everything goes right for our little man. My husband and I will have broken hearts when he leaves, but we're more concerned about him than anything else.

Thanks again.