How Do/Did/Are You Cope/ing?

[sarahbomar]

My husband and I lost our angel baby two years ago but only recently began allowing ourselves to grieve. I finally just lost it because I just didn't know how. We didn't know the sex of our baby and it was so early into the pregnany that we didn't want to have any sort of service and we still haven't even told our family.
I wanted to start this thread to give others who are in the same spot and just don't know how to acknowledge their loss or how to grieve.
The first thing we did was choose a unisex name for our baby, Gabriel Reece. Gabriel means "Hero of God" and Reece means "Stream." We chose Gabriel for the obvious reason and Reece because streams are usually neverending. They may get so small they merely trickle along but they're always there.
We also created a little "memory box" of items to give a physical aspect to it. When you lose someone you love there is a grave to put flowers on. In our case there wasn't so we created this for that reason. Inside are a little notebook to write special messages to Gabe, a teddy bear and two baby blankets (one pink and one blue). I felt like a 500 pound rock was lifted from my chest when we did this. It was like I finally said, "hey, my baby was real and now I have things connected to Gabe that I can touch and hold."
I just wanted to share that and hopefully it will help someone who has just experienced this and maybe even some like me who just didn't come to terms with it until later.
So, if you want to you can give little ideas of things that help you get through the day because we all know how hard it is. Sometimes it just hurts to breath and maybe doing one of the things I've done could give someone the breathe that they need.

[sarahbomar]

I just found this also. Its a list of ways you can remember your baby. It has lots of great ideas!


http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572_15995.asp

[kwannabee]

Hi Sarah...its always helpful to have as many resources as possible...i've never checked out marchofdimes yet...you'll find lots of support on this thread also...the ladies are really supportive. Thanks again and i hope you are enjoying your thanksgiving...its hard to be happy and sad at the same time...hugs to you...

[saluki_fan]

Hi Sarah. Thanks for posting. SoulCysters has helped me a lot, and 2 other sites specifically devoted to pregnancy and infant loss have also helped me:

www.nationalshareoffice.com
www.silentgrief.com

Here is a pamphlet download from the SHARE site on creating memories: http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/d...g_memories.pdf

There are a lot of good articles on the Share and Silent Grief sites.

As far as my memories go - with my first pregnancy that made it to 10 weeks, I continued to write my thoughts in my pregnancy journal right up till my due date. I bought jewelry with all 3 of my lost babies' birthstones (for the months they were due) on it. I bought little picture frames with their birthstones on it and put pictures of angels in them. I raised money and participated in the National SHARE Office's yearly "Walk to Remember" on October 1st. I also participated in a news special on Recurrent Pregnancy Loss on July 31st (click the 2nd link in my signature if you'd like to see a streamed video of it.)

I am sorry for your loss, and I'm glad that you are creating your memories now.

Meghan

[karney]

Hi, Sarah , It's only been a few months that I lost my Tommy at 22 weeks from PTL , but here are some things that have helped me deal with his loss . First of all , the support from friends and family ( I consider all of my cysters family ) . When I first got out of the hospital , we imediately went out and bought a beautiful stepping stone for my flower garden , then I started a memory book with his pictures , his u/s , a poem that DH wrote for him , special letters that friends have given me , all his sympathy cards and pictures of Jesus holding a baby in His arms ( That is what really comforts me ) and a letter that I have written to him . I have also bought a Christmas ornament and a bracelet with his birthstone . I am currently working on my flower garden .I want something growing in it all year .
Thank you for posting , it also helps to talk about our losses .
Karen

[Alensmom23]

I had an m/c almost a month ago now. My son was 4 months old when I m/c'd. It was so hard for d/h and I to understand why we were given ds, but then Grace (that is what we named our angel) was taken from us so quickly.
My sister ordered us a special ornament for Grace, and I decided to make Angel Rememberance bracelets in Grace's honor. I made myself one with her birthstone (May) and a heart charm hangs from it with her name engraved on both sides. DH and I decided that Grace's birthday would have been May 22, so we will celebrate her every year on that day.