My family thinks I'm "making it up".

[pagali]

Hi everyone,

Was just wondering what folks would suggest in dealing with a family that tells you "it's all in your head". When I was diagnosed with asthma, they said "you don't have asthma", as if the doctor was just playing around! When I was diagnosed with PCOS, my mother said I "wanted" something to be "wrong" with me and implied that it gave me an excuse to "walk around feeling sorry for yourself". When I told her I was going to try to see a therapist she got all upset and said "you're not depressed, you're lazy and want everything to be easy. It's not, deal with it!"

It's difficult because I KNOW I'm not supposed to be feeling like this, and I DO feel depressed (I feel more so when I skip a period, it's like I'm stuck in PMS or something). I have a lot of money problems and I can't afford to go to a therapist now anyway-- I "make too much" to get it done for free. I'm trying to take it easy, but I'm so sick of being told I'm "making it up" and fighting this by myself. I'm just so tired.

And on top of all this I have a horrible headache that isn't going away, which was fun during the holidays so my family could tell me "stop looking so miserable" and "you just need to get moving instead of sitting on your butt". If I don't feel well, how am I supposed to pop up and start doing three mile jogs?

[sleepydumpling]

pagali - my family have EXACTLY the same attitude to me... yet my brother is bipolar, and they accept that without question!

One thing I've recently learnt (thanks to my therapy) is that family are not God. They don't know everything, they're not always right, and they don't always have your best interests at heart. And sometimes you just have to look at them and say "You have no power over me."

Particularly if you do what I did and look at your family and suddenly think "I don't like you people very much, you're not very nice people!"

It's hard, I know, but really I believe it's time we all started taking care of OURSELVES a bit. And if our friends and family can't support us, then they don't love us very much, do they? Better to move on and find some people who DO love you.

Hugs
Kath

[nicole47]

Exactly what sleepy said.

family are not God. They don't know everything, they're not always right, and they don't always have your best interests at heart. And sometimes you just have to look at them and say "You have no power over me."

Also, therapy is important. Even if you can't get it for free, may places offer it on a sliding scale that is adjusted to your income. Once it's in that range, it might be worth making some other monetary sacrifices to talk to a therapist. Therapy attached to universities and teaching hospitals are good places to look for sliding scale treatment. It's worth a few phone calls. Additionally, if you're willing to try medication, a GP can work on that with you.

Do make an effort to exercise, even just a little. Break it down into baby steps and do one step at a time. Start with something you can do and build from there.

It can be very difficult to climb out of depression, and it isn't usually an easy journey, but it is SO worth it when you do. You are worth it.

[a-mac]

Depending on where you work you might be able to get free therapy. Talk to your HR department. A lot of places have a deal with the local hospital. It might not even be listed in any employee benifits or anything. One place I worked a couple of years ago was the last place on earth you would think would have a service like that and it wasn't listed anywhere but it came up during a staff meeting that it was available.

[sleepydumpling]

I get free therapy through my work. It's great!

As for the exercise thing, if you have access to a pool, that's how I started. Just got in and started plodding up and down the lanes. I couldn't swim a whole lap when I started, now I knock off 25 laps no problem!

K

[KatCarney]

Do make an effort to exercise, even just a little. Break it down into baby steps and do one step at a time. Start with something you can do and build from there...

I agree!! Don't go out and try to run a marathon...maybe try something easier (but still good) like Walk Away the Pounds. There are some short, 15 minute videos... You won't even have to get 'dressed up for working out.'

Quick Fix also has several videos on the market with 10-minute segments. Before you know it, you'll build up your time.

For me, exercise was one of the best treatments for my depression. I'll admit that for the first couple of weeks, I had to MAKE myself do it, but it was worth the effort.

As for the family part...maybe refrain from discussion your PCOS until you, personally, get a better handle on it. It's hard to make others understand something when we're in the 'thick of it.'

Make a list of any emergency medical information they mght need to have on you, and let them know where it is. Beyond that, consider us your shoulder to lean on for awhile, when it comes to PCOS. Trust me...we 'get' it

[Catwoman2005]

Just want to give you a GREAT BIG (((((HUG)))))))

I heard what you are going through, my family seems to be reacting the same way... I am seeing a therapist and it's helping a TON!!!! I was there last night and he was commenting to me just how far I have come... Therapy works, not for the crazy people, like I thought in the beginning...

You will get through this... Post and vent here lots, we'll listen... It's good to get things off your chest...

[Everettsmom]

My mother would never believe anything I said about having PCOS until she read in a magazine about other people. She even went as far as to tell me to not listen to the fertility specialist and that I should just relax and it (pregnancy) would happen naturally. DON'T LISTEN TO OTHERS WHO WON'T BELIEVE IN YOU!!! If I had listened to her instead of the doctor I would not have a wonderful little boy who will be 2 next month.

I went through the depression especially while on clomid(which never worked for me-no matter how much I took). I discussed the effects of clomid, exercise and such with my OB/GYN and she explained that it has to do with the levels of sertonin in the brain. Hormones either naturally made in the body or ones prescribed can affect how the brain produces seratonin. Seratonin is key to keeping mood levels more even.

The suggestion of "One step at a time" is the best. GOOD LUCK

[sleepydumpling]

Kat's right there - we certainly do "get it" - after all, we're living it too!

Kath

[oaktreegirl]

pagali, I know exactly what you mean. There is a certain relative of mine who responds to any physical distress in me with the phrase "This wouldn't happen if you just ran more often." This drives me crazy. Obviously, exercise helps the body. But why does she have to try to make me feel guilty for being sick?

But when people react so strongly to something, it makes me wonder if there isn't something that they are feeling defensive about. Whenever somebody is too critical, I feel that they are probably insecure about the thing they criticize others about. This helps me remember to ignore them! I'm not going to let somebody else's insecurities let me down.

[maycontainnuts]

Exactly what sleepy said.
Do make an effort to exercise, even just a little. Break it down into baby steps and do one step at a time. Start with something you can do and build from there.

It can be very difficult to climb out of depression, and it isn't usually an easy journey, but it is SO worth it when you do. You are worth it.

Definitely try to exercise. It sucks at first but believe me, if you stick with it it will help you! A few years ago I was so bad off that I would not leave my apartment except to take the dog out and get the mail at night. I never opened the blinds or anything. Part of the reason I think I got so depressed is because I was living with a guy who, like your family, constantly told me I was just being "lazy" (along with many other very mean things). I moved back home eventually and my depression got worse for a while. Finally I started making myself do things, even if I felt horrible, and I found that I felt better about myself when I got things done. I still battle with getting up early to make an appointment, etc .. but its gotten a LOT easier and I try to get out at least every other day now.

[SnowFlower]

I know exactly how you are feeling. Seems like its always something with me most recently sinus infection and allergies accom. with lots of being dizzy and then anxiety and panic attacks. My husband doesnt get it like today I had to stop at the market and take some homeopathic anxiety medicine. It upsets me he doesnt understand