Can't cope with the lonliness

[kelly21]

I have been depressed for so long now and I am just so lonely I can't cope with it anymore. i don't have any good friends that i could speak to I hate the hair all over my body i wish I could just rip my skin off. I'm 21 and have never let myself get a boyfriend or have a sexual relationship with anyone as everyone that I meet I know that they would never accept this excessive hair. I don't have many friends atall the couple that I do have are really *****y and they both have quite a lot of friends and i lie about having had relationships.I just feel so below everyone I know I'm not but I think everyone thinks I am below them. I sound so pathetically weak but I don't know how to gain any confidence. I cant remember the last time I was happy i know all through highschool I suffered with depression which has got worse and worse, it is so unbearable that I often think about ending it all, I put on a front when I leave my house, but when I'm in my house I am so unbearably unhappy. Please somebody give me some advice as I feel there is no hope.

[linny loo]

sweety god you sound so much like me its so hard i know but you can get through this have you seen anyone about your depression because one of the things associated with depression is low self confidence and self esteem. YOU are NOT below anyone else you are just as important and special as every other living soul on this world ok i am also like you i don't allow myself to have boyfriends or get into sexual relationships because i just don't feel anyone would want me

if you ever need someone to talk to pm or add me on msn my @ is lyndsey_a_taylor@hotmail.com ok jst add me or e-mail me whatever you like i am here for you

[nicole47]

Have you talked to a doctor or a therapist about your depression? That would be a really good first step.

It also sounds like you may have low self-esteem. I recommend checking out or buying The Feeling Good Handbook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/045...books&v=glance and/or
this book on self-esteem: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/157...lance&n=283155

Also, get out and meet new people. Try volunteering, joining activities that you're interested in (dancing, gaming, whatever suits your fancy), or a new job. With luck you'll meet some that aren't total *****s.

It's perfectly ok to not have had a boyfriend or sex yet at age 21. As for the hair, if you haven't already, check out the hair forums on this site.

Good luck!

[sleepydumpling]

Honey, I know exactly how you feel - I felt the same way myself for about 20 years - and still feel the same way sometimes.

I agree with the previous girls posts - getting some help with therapy or counselling would be great for you. It's really, really helped me, that's for sure!

Also, try Bach Flower Remedies in both Larch and Crab Apple. They're great for confidence and self esteem.

Big hugs sweetie!
Kath

[oaktreegirl]

Oh, goodness, I know how you feel. I'm 21, and I have a hard time allowing men to get close for the same reason.

I want to let you know that you are not below anybody. My sister has PCOS, just like me, and her boyfriend loves just as much when she doesn't shave as when she does. There are many women here who have the same symptoms you do, whose husbands love them very much. I know it's so hard to get over these feelings, but it is possible.

I would definitely suggest speaking to a therapist. Therapy can be a very healing tool.

[nicole47]

My DH doesn't care if I shave or not either. As you can see, whatever hair I've got, he's got more.

[joyblack]

My sister has PCOS, just like me, and her boyfriend loves just as much when she doesn't shave as when she does. There are many women here who have the same symptoms you do, whose husbands love them very much. I know it's so hard to get over these feelings, but it is possible.

There are guys out there who really don't mind. The first time my (now) husband met me was at an evening get-together of a crowd of people. I was in a tremendous rush that evening. Simply pulled off my work uniform, pulled on a dress and rushed out. If I'd ever imagined there'd be a guy there who might even have glanced at me I'd have at least waited to put on a bra to conceal the fact that even at 19 I was flat-chested, and I'd have stopped long enough to shave my upper lip, which I normally did every evening. So he saw me at my worst. He's often told me since that when he first saw me he thought, because of my lack of breasts, that I might be as young as twelve. But then he saw the very coarse black stubble on my upper lip and figured that I must have been shaving my moustachce for years -- maybe I was as old as 22. So he asked someone how old I was, and the rest is history. He's never resented my moustache -- and there's certainly a lot more than a moustahche now: my chin's as bristly as his in the morning. And we have a really fantastic physical relationship.

One of the things I often think about is that if I'd taken the time that evening to put on my padded bra and shave, he might never have noticed me -- I'd just have been one of the crowd of girls there, appearing to have breasts like the rest of them and a smooth upper lip like the rest of them. It was actually the very things I hated so much -- the flat chest and the coarse moustache -- that attracted his interest.

[ScaredSally]

Hi Honey I feel for you I feel the same way too ...

I have a boyfriend tough .. i am quite relegious in removing the hair .. sorry correct that I carry tweezers in my pocket at ALL times ... I have male pattern baldness I have extensions to cover this ... my self-esteem is and always will be rock bottom from this but you MUST try to keep living .... mornings for me are the worst I want tocurl up and sleep but MAKE Yourself get out and TRY and think there are worse things in life. ...

[kelly21]

Thankyou all so much for your reply's I feel a little more hopefull today. I've never seen anyone about my depression because I have always felt uncomfortable talking to people about how I feel, I'm so gratefull for this support group as I can just let it all out and I know that nobody will judge me.Nicole thankyou for suggesting those books I will definately look into them, and I will also try the bach flower remidies you reccomend kath. I know that i'm still going to be depressed but I am going to try really hard to get out of it and try and find good friendships as I am so sick of feeling this way. I wish I wasn't so sensitive about my looks but I just don't know how not to feel hurt if somebody says somthing bad about it.but from now I am going to do everything I can to gain self confidence.

[nicole47]

Remember, only superficial losers judge people based on their looks. You're better than people who do that!

Remember that we're always here for you. And don't be afraid of seeking therapy if you need it-- good therapists have seen everything and don't judge anybody. They can help you better understand why you feel the way you do and how to become happier.

[kelly21]

Thanks Nicole I don't really think I could speak to anyone just now but maybe in the future I will give it a try.I think I just have to learn to not care so much about what other people think.