Cyster 2 Cyster

[Wendy M.]

I wanted to start this thread because I know some of us have had family members and loved ones that have passed away and I wanted this to be a positive thread to be able to open up to one another and discuss or talk about things that we need to get off of our chest. I want you cysters to know that there is many of us out here that are going through similar things in our loss of a loved one and maybe coming here we can help one another through diffucult days. I want this to be somewhere we can share stories or thoughts or things you just want to talk about. If you feel like talking about it you can come here. All is Welcome!! I just want this to be very positive and somewhere we can help heal our hearts!!

[omcv]

Thank you!

[DiamondInTheRough]

Wendy, that is very thoughtful of you. Is there a special someone out there that sparked this thread for you?

Take care

[Wendy M.]

Thanks ladies for responding. I wanted to start this thread because my Dad passed away on Sept 2, 2005. He was in need of a Liver and Kidney Transplant and was not able to receive one and passed away. He was a wonderful Dad and I miss him so much. There is many days that I still just hear and see him in his last moments. There are days when I cry and days I smile. I know he is still with me just not in the flesh. I will see him again. But some days are hard for me. I know there are others out there like me that has lost someone so special to there heart and sometimes they keep it inside or don't know who or how to talk about it, but I want this to be somewhere we can relate to one another and be able to pour our hearts out to one another and not be afraid. I think it is a good thing to talk about people we miss or people that mean so much to us that are not here with us anymore and heal our hearts or just comfort our souls and remember the good things and the time that they were here with us on this earth. I hope that anyone that has lost someone or that needs to talk will come here and do so. I am going to try to also post positive things that can help us all out in our time of need. Hope this will benefit us all.

[PollySis]

What a lovely idea for a thread, Wendy.

The cysters are so supportive, what better place to come to find some fellowship, at what is the hardest time in anyone's life?

My ex's mother, grandmother to my 2 youngest sons, passed away on Saturday. Even though I split acrimoniously with her son 3 years ago, we stayed in contact and we remained friends. She always told me as far as she was concerned, I was her daughter-in-law. She was born into a fairly orthodox Jewish family but converted to Catholicism in the past ten years. Her family just gave her a jewish funeral and she didn't get the last rites said, either, which is causing me a bit of heartache, as I know what she wanted. She also said a million times she wanted to be cremated and told us where to scatter her ashes. On Tuesday, she was buried, instead. She was very loyal to me, although not her 'real' daughter and I feel a big hole - but still in shock, too. I haven't been able to cry, yet. She came from the East End of London and I can't believe I'll never hear her voice at the other end of the phone going 'Alright, doll?' which she opened every conversation with.

My own mother died when I was 10, so anything close to that tends to bring a lot of dark memories back, and I suppose losing my kids' nanna will do this. When I was ten, I came home from school one day to find my mother gone forever, and our little family's whole life turned upsidedown, forever. I'm a tough person - I coped with it by growing up fast. I also lost all faith overnight - my mother had been very religious and it didn't do her much good, to be dead aged 47, so my brother and I became atheists. (Dad already was). In adulthood, I slowly came to paganism. I also read a lot about Buddhism as it interests me, although I'm firmly a pagan. My beliefs helped me a lot - realising she was still with me.

I'll share a few things that have helped me with the grief over 34 years of it. It never goes away but it gets much easier to cope with, over time.

George Harrison quoted a Buddist saying, that ' life is as brief as a shadow on a sunny wall'. Reading that helped me enormously. To disengage your ego from your grief is very empowering.

Another thing that helped me when I was a child was to just imagine mum in the next room. My grandmother used to say when she died, she didn't want people visiting her grave with cut (already dead) flowers, but instead to buy a living plant for the house or garden, and think of her when they looked at that. I love that!

I know my mother is closer to me than maybe once I would have believed. DH says a few months ago I woke him up in the middle of the night, crying out *mummy!* in my sleep. She comes to me less often in dreams, and when she does it just brings happiness, now, not sorrow when I wake up and realise she's gone. Wherever she is, I will also be at some future point. Also, I find a lot of comfort in my kids - they never knew her, but I look at them and see her expressions. Sometimes I catch sight of my own hands and they are so like her's. I still do a lot of things lefthanded - not because I am, but because she was and she brought me up. In other words, our loved ones are a deep part of us, wherever they are.

You don't stop loving someone because they're gone.

In 1993, I almost died in childbirth with my 2nd son and at the worst moment (bear in mind I had no drugs or anaesthetic as I gave birth in 21 minutes!), I clearly saw her in the room, wearing clothes I'd forgotten she ever had, saying I was going to live and everything would be fine. As you can see, she was right! It made me realise there is more to life than this most obvious dimension, and our loved ones can even communicate, in extremis.

Now, I think of her with happiness and only of the good things. I live for her. I love the things she loved (flowers, beautiful music, animals and plants).

When someone first dies, you feel like all is lost but slowly, life reasserts itself and you can still find so long as you live, so your loved one lives on with you.

I hope that helps someone.

[Wendy M.]

Thanks for sharing that with us. I am so sorry about your recent loss. You never know how much you miss someone until there really gone. Not to see or hear or any little thing about them that you wish you could just see or hear all over again. My Dad was only 59 yrs old and we all thought he had a chance to get his transplants and when he was going in and out of the hospitals and getting very ill it was awful to see him like that. He was in ICU for 3 weeks and they finally told him and the family that there was nothing more they can do for him and that he was not going to be able to get the transplants, he did not want to be hooked up to anymore machines and needles so we got him over to Hospice not knowing if he would make it there and it was just down the street from the hospital, but he made it there from the ambulance ride and he died the next day. The thing that keeps me going is that after he was told at the Hospital that he was not going to get the transplants was he looked at all of us and told us I am not afraid to die and this was God's Plan for me. He never shed one tear at all, he was at peace and he was smiling and just looking at all of us. We were in tears and sobbing to know he will never be with us again. We stayed right there with him and I was not going to leave his side at all, the Hospice people were so good to him and all of us. The are amazing people. We saw him take his last breath. I am so glad I was there for him to comfort him and to hold his hands during his last days and hours. When he would look at me when I was crying I would say Dad this is not right and not fair he said to me this is God's Plan, as I looked into his eyes it was like I was starring into his soul. He would just look right at me in my eyes without tears and it was like looking into his soul and knowing everything will be ok. I still think of him daily.
PollySis: I am so glad that you came here to share your story, it does help. Thanks so much for sharing!

[Loreo123]

It's been a little over a year since my dad passed away.
on the morning of January 8th 2005 my dad went ice fishishing with my husband and some other friends.
I spoke to him briefly on his cell phone when he was on the lake. He was having a good time on the lake and I could hear the smile in his voice.
About an hour later my husband called and told me that my dad had collapsed and was being rushed to the hospital by ambulance.
When I arrived at the hospital and the ambulance wasn't there yet, I knew that something was horribly wrong. I later learned that his heart had stopped and the paramedics had a hard time restarting it before they could get him to the hospital.
At first the doctors wern't sure what was wrong, but after they did some tests they discovered that he had a severe anuerysm that had ruptured and he was bleeding into his brain and because of the brain injury his heart was continuing to fail and it was very unlikely that he would survive.
When I was finally able to see him I realized that he was not going to live.
I spent some time talking to him and telling him how much I loved him.
I remember trying to take in everything in those last moments. The lines on his face, the way his hands looked and felt and the smell of his hair.
A few hours later my dad passed away. He was 49 years old.
My dad was my world. He raised me by himself most of my life because my mom was in and out of the picture alot(a whole other strory).
My dad was a kind and loving person with a beautifull soul.
I can't describe the pain I felt when he died. I thought I would never be happy again. I felt so alone and helpless all I wanted was to have him back.
It's been a year now, the bad days are getting fewer and the good days are more.
I don't know if ill ever get used to life without him but I try to be strong and live my life the way he would have wanted me to.

[Loreo123]

Polysis, thank you for sharing. I can't imagine how hard it would be for a little girl to lose her mom so young.

Wendy, I'm sorry for the recent loss of your dad. I know the pain can be unbearable at times.

[Wendy M.]

Loreo123- Welcome!! Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I am soo sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know what you are going through and how you must feel. I try to keep myself going by thinking of all the wonderful things he said and did. Some days are rough and there are other days you think of all the good things and those are the days that keep you going and keep your mind at ease. I am glad that you came here to share your story and how you feel, I think it will be a good thing for all of us.

[*pEaNuT*]

My brother passed away on Jan 8 1994. He was 19. He had juvenile diabetes, and pnuemonia. We had no idea he had the diabetes. He got sick around Christams in 93, and went into the hospital on the 26th of Dec. He died 2 wks later. I was terrified. There was nothing anyone could have done. he fought for 2 wks,and just couldn't hold on. The Dr's had him in a Drug indused coma, they were afraid that if he would have woken up and seen all of the things attached to him that he would have freaked out. I know that the coma was for his own good, but I never got to hear his voice or see his smile again. He got sick at home with me. I was 17. Mom and my step dad were working. I had to call 911, and ride with him to the site the used to air lift patients to the hospital. The night that he died I actually felt him pass over. He surrounded me with his love one more time. I miss him,, its been 11 yrs, and the pain is still there. I know one day I will see him again. When he died,, a part of me died. I have never found that part of me. I have never been the same. I have learned how to go on... I don't have a choice. No one really knows how much his death really affects me. I hide it. Thank you for starting this thread. Sometimes I need to talk, and no one understands!

[Loreo123]

Peanut, im sorry to hear about what happened to your brother. I understand what you mean about not talking about it. I don't talk about my dads death very often eighther because I feel like people won't understand.
It is much easier to talk about it with others who have lost someone close to them. although our experiences are very different, I think our pain is very similar.((Hugs))

[Wendy M.]

Peanut- Thanks soo much for sharing your story with all of us! Welcome!!! I am so glad that you came here and shared it with all of us. I know how you feel and we are all here for you and we are here to talk to at anytime. I wanted to start this so all of us can help each other and open up to one another and just be here for each other. I want all of you to keep posting and let us know your good days and bad or the days you just want to talk about it or get something off your chest. Thanks again to all of you that are sharing your stories and feeling safe to come here and share with us all. God Bless all of you!!

[*pEaNuT*]

Thanks Ladies! I promise to stick around! *hugs*

[Wendy M.]

There is a light in this world, a healing spirit, more powerful than any darkness we may encounter. We sometimes lose sight of this force when there is suffering, and to much pain.
Then suddenly,
the spirit will emerge
through the lives of ordinary people
who hear a call and answer in extraordinary ways.

[*pEaNuT*]

Thats beautiful Wendy!