I just need to talk to someone...

[nunu]

I'm really sorry to dump on all of you gals but I don't know where else to turn.

I just can't seem to get out of this blue funk. So many things have happened lately. I had a chemical pg and miscarried in June about a day after the anniversary of my dad's death. This bothered me more than I let on to anyone and now I think I may be falling apart. I have had 2 really messed up cycles since then, which has made me feel even more discouraged. I am seeing my RE and dietician the 26 and have not lost weight since I saw her, actually, I managed to gain about 5 pounds which I'm trying to lose. Today was weigh in day and although the scale was saying 2,5 lbs gone only 2 days ago, today only 1 was gone. I know I shouldn't weigh in every day but please don't lecture me on that...I've just gotten so desperate lately about getting my weight loss back on track. On top of all this my mom called yesterday and told me my stepfather's doctor wants to see him (he has leukemia) because his platelets dropped by 4000 this month instead of his customary 2000. At this rate he won't live much longer. My mom loves him so much and they spend all their time together, I don't know how she is going to get through this. I live 5,5 hours away so I can't be there all the time, but we try to visit as often as we can. My DH is busy studying lately so I can't see him as much. One of my best friends has been acting odd for quite a while now, I hardly see her anymore, (only saw her one on one twice since Jan) and when I try to bring it up she avoids the subject. This started before I started feeling so bad so I know she is not avoiding me because I'm a sad sack. My nephew has a serious disease that could kill him, he has had multiple transfusions. Plus, a friend of mine died of colon cancer less than 2 weeks ago. I just want to stop feeling so discouraged.

Thanks for reading.

[Smitygirl]

~.~.~.HUGS.~.~.~

I am really sorry to hear... I'm not sure what I can offer, besides a sympathetic ear and frequent hugs. It's never easy to deal with many aspects of life, and dealing with it on top of PCOS is quite a trial at times. We've been there. Get off your chest whatever you need to, and know that there are people out there who do care. Hope you have better days...

HUGS,
smity

[nunu]

Thanks Smity. Hugs back to you.

nunu

[CTCyster]

(((((nunu)))))

You're sure dealing with a lot right now! It's no wonder you're feeling so overwhelmed. You should be proud of yourself for holding it together as long as you have- you must be much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

There's not much I could say to make things easier for you right now- just know that your cystas are here if you need to vent or chat.

Keep up the good work- you seem to be handling everything with a lot of grace under pressure.



*Aimee*

[*DannysMom*]

Nunu..... I remember your posts going back awhile... and I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a trying time. I was treated for depression/post traumatic stress disorder a little over a year ago... for me I needed to turn to a therapist... and later a Psychiatrist... and then medication. I never imagined that someone like me (who was always in control of emotions).. would have to seek out someone to help me move on with my life. I stopped medication after 5 months when I felt I could resume my life.... You are going through so much... and it sounds like the people in your life are also dealing with so much... and are hardly the people you can turn to in your time of need. Please consider seeking out a counselor/therapist. A good therapist will help you sort through everything....and help you to see that there is hope at the end of this "funk" you are experiencing. Someone else's perspective can certainly make you think.
Nunu.... please know that your cysters are here for you.... so reach out to us whenever you need to....
Karen

[nunu]

Thanks to all of you for the kind messages. It really helps to know that you gals are out there. It is appreciated more than you know.

Hugs,
nunu

[taah]

I am sorry to hear that you are having to deal with so much at one time... no wonder you are in such a funk... anyone would be. Its hard to come out of depression when one thing after another keeps happening and then to top it off you have PCOS to worry about and ofcourse the dreaded weight thing.... don't beat yourself up over your weight right now, you have alot of things going on in your life that you are dealing with and you are stressing over, take one thing at a time, you need to get those things straightened out, you can get your weight under control at any time, just take a step back , try to relax, and breathe, and just start over with the weight control.. don't beat yourself up over it, that will only make matters worse.... if you don't have anyone close to talk to about things upsetting you and you feel overwhelmed, get on here and talk to us about it... it helps alot just to get things off your chest instead of letting it build up... we are here for you whenever you need us.... I wish I could do more for you.. I wish you the best.... Good Luck.

TERRA

[nunu]

Thanks Terra. I think when I see the dietician on the 26 I'll just explain to her what has been going on and if she doesn't understand that'll be her problem. I shouldn't worry about her judgement of me and I'm silly to worry about it I guess.
I've been having so many nightmares lately and it kind of bothers me, when I started suffering from depression in the past this was one of the signs. I'm hanging in there though, and thanks to all of you for the replies.

[Elionwhy]

That is lousy. Hang in there. I know its hard, but i agree that avoiding beating yourself up about weight is a good idea. Just work on getting through this hard time the best you can.

You are definately in my thoughts and prayers.

[nunu]

Thanks ladies, your support means a lot to me. My DH went for his final blood pressure check today and it seems he has hypertension. He's only 33 so this really sucks. (pardon my language please) He'll be seeing his doctor in a couple weeks to find out what course of action they are going to take. I'm worried about him. He is overweight, and I know that does not help, but both of his parents suffer from hypertension along with other family members. I hope we can get it down with diet and exercise but I don't know if the doc will stick him on medication in the meantime. What do you think: it was 146/90 today. Thanks again for all your support.

[Oana]

nunu, I am so sorry, you've been feeling down

You are a very special person and a wonderful asset to this cysterhood, I really hope you will feel better soon ((((hugs)))))

You have been through a lot lately and it is understandable that it's taken a toll.. Allow yourself to feel sad, it'll hopefully help you heal and make these trials a part of who you grow to be. We're here for you. Email me anytime!

About your dh, 140/90 is the limit above which hypertension is defined, so he is marginally high. Diet and exercise changes may be all he needs.. Good luck to him too!

Take care and let us know how things are coming along!
Thinking of you,
Oana

[nunu]

Thanks Oana, you are always so nice to everyone. I hope you are right about my DH's blood pressure. He was so frustrated and discouraged last night.

I did get more news about my stepfather: he may have to start intravenous chemotherapy next month, we have to wait and see. So far he was doing chemo with pills only. We have been aware that he would eventually get worse and that there is no cure but we were hoping for more time with a good quality of life. I pray that he will get it.

Thanks to all my cysters for their support.

nunu

[nunu]

An update : My DH's doc called and his triglycerides are through the roof, to the point of being quite dangerous for his pancreas. The doc wants him to do another test pronto, but my workaholic husband is putting the test off till Monday (don't get me started). In Canada, 0 to 2,3 is normal, he had 15! To translate that for my US cysters: normal is 10 to 160, he has 580. I knew something was wrong when the doc called 2 days after the blood work. It usually takes the hospital 2 weeks to get the tests back to him, but this one waved the red flag.

On the up side, a good friend of mine who was in financial straits has found a job and my nephew and his girlfriend have found (hopefully) better jobs. Can't only look at the bad side, right?

Thanks for reading.

[*DannysMom*]

Nunu...
For me it always harder not knowing...the fact is you and dh are being proactive and that is EXTREMELY important (sounds like you more than him... but that's okay). I will be thinking of both of you as Monday rolls around.. hoping that a plan is put into place to help make some pretty dramatic changes for the better...
As for your friend... wonderful news... you are right....things aren't all bad.... as a matter of fact...when things seem dire if you find the smallest positive it helps to alter perspective... You have a good weekend and keep us posted.
Karen

[nunu]

Thanks Karen. I will keep you all posted as to what happens next week. It's good to be able to vent some of this stuff here, otherwise I think I would have gone looney for sure.