HOW do you deal with YOUR anger?

[Mel4Star]

I am wondering what everyone here does to let out anger in a healthy way. Also, how can I control my anger better? Does anyone here have anger problems? I have a BAD temper, and it really gets me into trouble. It stems from deep childhood abuse, I dont want to go to a doctor b/c I dont want to get on any MORE meds! I read that anger is one of the symtoms of depression. Anyways, any tips/advice, or any other things you would like to share with me,I am ALL ears!

[cec414]

It sounds trite, but I like to go do some kind of exercise when I am really angry at something, it helps because I, too, can get really fired up sometimes. Even if it's getting up from my chair to pace around the room or to stretch and do some deep breathing helps me break the tension. I also have to switch over from my emotional brain that tends to be automatically more dominant for me, to my logical brain and I try to ask myself if this is really worth flipping out over, it helped me today when someone really cut me off in traffic, which is a real trigger for me, but really, in the grand scope of things, it's not personal and it's not something worth dwelling over and I was able to calm down much faster by doing this. Finally, I have certain songs that I go to when I am mad, and they either calm me down, or are loud, and helps me vent out my frustration by listening to them. I have a lot of stuff left over from childhood which has left voids in my emotional development, so I have had to teach myself to become more aware of the fact that lashing out really does not help me get what I want as an adult, nor does it make up for the times when I felt violated, abandoned, or out of control as I child.

Maybe you could make a list of known triggers for you, like me with south florida traffic, and come up with a list of things you can do in certain situations(obviously you can't do jumping jacks when someone cuts you off in traffic, lol, but you could put on a Jimmy Buffet cd, or something that's light and calming.) It's good to have an arsenal of tricks already up your sleeve to pull out when you are upset, because let's face it, this world can really drive anyone crazy, and there's a lot to be stressed over nowadays, and yet we are expected to remain cool and collected through all situations.

Hope this helps a little

[MyJourney]

Still looking, but I am going to an ANGER workshop tomorrow...

[debkeversole]

hi exercise helps a nice walk i use headphones or i go to curves 3x a week also i am on zoloft remember you are not alone everyone here has alot of the same issues

[dynamicdoula]

This is a great topic, I've done a lot of work on myself and within my family unit to institute some healthy ways to deal with anger.

First- I have taught myself and my kids from the time they could follow directions, to take a deep breath when they are overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, etc. Now when my youngest gets mad and is letting my older son know it, my oldest will say, "Come on niall, take a deep breath with me!" I feel like it's a simple tool that helps a lot, and is easy for everyone to learn, if they stay with it. It's really worked for us.

I've also learned that anger is a secondary emotion. When I am angry, what I am really feeling is embarrassed, hurt, frustrated, etc. So when I start to feel angry, my thoughts immediately turn to what the primary emotion is. I can cope with that if I name it to myself.

We do not lash out in anger. No name calling, no f#-you, no 'shut-up'... EVER. These things only escalate the issue. When I get pissed at DH I usually walk to another room and cry and feel sorry for myself or whatever I need at the time, (even when I'm tempted to tell him to take a flying f-ing leap haha) and then think through it.. How did *I* contribute to the conflict? It's a serious question, not a defensive one... What energy did I bring to that conflict? What was it that triggered me?

Later, when I have time, I ponder on why I got triggered in that way, and it usually goes back to some childhood bullpucky that I haven't worked through yet (hey, a woman can only do so much at a time!).

When I am feeling defensive, I say it outloud. "I need a minute, I am not hearing you right now because I feel defensive."

In 10 years with my husband we have never had a screaming match, things have never gotten out of control.

We both try to take it as a learning experience and not be victimized by it. It takes courage to look at your own flaws without judging yourself or shaming yourself- and it helps take the power out of the anger. Instead of this overwhelming thing that happens, it's a tool.



Good luck, there are no easy answers! This is just what works for my family. Keep in mind- having MORE tools is never a bad thing! You can't solve every problem with a hammer.

[Headyfeady3]

one of the things that has helped me deal with my anger is to just go someplace quiet and just listen for that far away sound. Listen until you hear something that is soothing and when you find it remember it and when you are mad go back and find it. I know that it is a silly thing to do but I learned it in a stress class that I took and it works.
Heather

[Mel4Star]

wow, you all have such great ideas! Thanks very much for all the support!