31 year old Newbie (and a Virgin)

[Mallory]

I've known about my PCOS for a couple of years now, but I feel really insecure going for treatment, because I am a virgin and pap smears and the like are not an option right now (I had one 3 years ago and it almost killed me, it hurt so bad and was so embarrassing.... and even afterwards, I did and still do have a hymen).

I had to leave my last doctor (who diagnosed me as having PCOS), because she kept harrassing me to get married and have kids, and each doctor's visit brought on an onslaught of embarrassment and shame for me. My personal life is no one's business but mine!

If I go to an endocrinologist, will he or she demand that I have a pap or try to examine me themselves?

[one-hit_wonder]

Mallory:

Welcome here! We're way more supportive than that weird doctor. Your personal life is your business.

The results of paps are important for women. I would try to find out some way to do it privately. I don't know if I'm out to lunch here, but maybe there'd be a way to do it yourself? (I have no idea.) I've never been to an endo, so I have no idea about that.

[Mallory]

Mallory:

Welcome here! We're way more supportive than that weird doctor. Your personal life is your business.

Thanks! That's very nice to hear!

A do-it-yourself pap smear? I've never heard of that, but if it does exist, I couldn't do it anyway, because of the pain. I just know I wouldn't do it.

Most cervical cancer is caused by Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), which is a sexually transmitted disease, so I think I'm safe on that front. I'm also safe on the entire sexually transmitted disease front.

So is there any reason why I would need a pap smear at all? I'm very curious, and you ladies seem very informed.

Thanks!

[sleepydumpling]

Mallory as far as I know here in Australia they don't do pap smears on women who have never been sexually active. So I'm surprised that you had one done on you despite being a virgin. They do give them to lesbian women though, because HPV can be transmitted there too.

I hear you about the docs attitude to you though. I am almost 34 and have not been sexually active myself since I was a teenager, and doctors in the past have been so patronising as to suggest that "if you got a boyfriend you might not obsess over your health so much." Like I can go out and buy a boyfriend in the supermarket or something!

Anyway, welcome to SC, you'll find heaps of support and understanding here, and hopefully make some new friends too.

Kath

[alex]

Here in the UK virgins don't need to have smears either. The chances of getting cervical cancer with no sexual activity is really so tiny it's not considered necessary. [Theoretically, women who only have sex with other women are also at negligible risk, but in practice, at least one of the women has often had sex with a man at some stage, or one of their previous partners has, so lesbians should still get tested].

I agree that you should try to find a more supportive Dr. I don't see that they can force you to have ANY treatment you don't want, surely no Dr ever can? (with the obvious exception of people who have been sectioned for mental health reasons). But clearly you don't want every appointment to be a battle. There are Drs out there who will listen to your needs; have you looked at the "recommend a Dr" board further down the list? Someone might have recommended someone in your area.

A further point, although I'm not experienced in seeing specialists, I understand that an endocrinologist is focused on hormones, they are not a gynecologist (unless you specifically see one who specialises in both). So I would have thought they would be more interested in blood tests than physical exams... can anyone confirm this?

[vtmommy]

This is just a personal thing, but PAPS are sooooo important, I dont know if being a virgin really matters does it??? Cervical cancer is something you can get even if you arent sexually active , ( correct me if im wrong), It hurts me to have them done too and i am not a virgin, some women it is just uncomfortable, and chances are you probably tense up when your there, which can make it hurt very bad!!! But I support your decision not to have on as it is your body. In terms of an endo trying to make you have one I have no idea. Mine has not done any internal exam on me or even suggested one so...... I cannot believe that your doc was telling u to get married and have kids, Like your just going to be like yeah ok I am on that!!! Well I HTH, and I wish you luck in all you do.

[Eva37]

welcome to sc. Ive never been examined it that way by an enod dr at alll.
eva

[starlite]

I don't know the stats about cervical cancer if you're not sexually active, but I would think it could still happen. Maybe the chances are not as high. I too hurt during paps sometimes, and I haven't been a virgin in some time. vtmommy's right. When you tense up, that causes it to hurt worse. I have a habit of tensing up all the time.

I don't believe that an endo would do a physical exam down there unless like stated by other posters that they were also a gyn or maybe an RE. I was way worried about that during my first endo appt. I have never went to a male gyn, and the endo was a male. But it didn't happen. Try making an appt. w/ one, and if they say they want to do a pap, just let them know that you would rather not. It's your health and you should have the last say.

Sorry you had such a tough time w/ your last doc. You're right, your personal life is your's alone. Hope you can find a good doc and start to feel better!

[Mallory]

I agree that you should try to find a more supportive Dr. I don't see that they can force you to have ANY treatment you don't want, surely no Dr ever can? (with the obvious exception of people who have been sectioned for mental health reasons). But clearly you don't want every appointment to be a battle. There are Drs out there who will listen to your needs; have you looked at the "recommend a Dr" board further down the list? Someone might have recommended someone in your area.

I'm less concerned about being "forced" and just more concerned in general about my privacy. I don't even want to have to discuss the virginity issue, or even state my sexual status. After having been tortured by that other doctor, I've decided that there's just some things I'd rather keep to myself, you know?

[Mallory]

Thanks for being so warm and supportive! I'm relieved to hear that endos generally don't request pelvic exams.

Now the question is, a) how do I find a good one, and b) are the prices astronomical? I don't have insurance.

[bkaur26]

hey mallory,
i recently went to an endo and i was never asked abuot my sexual status, or even if i was i just told them that i'm not sexually active and it ended at that. my experience with my endo was pretty good. i really recommend u to go. there is no reason for which he should tell u to get a pap smear. my gyn told me that i really don't need to get one since i'm not sexually active and never have been. so i would say the same applies to you. i don't think there's much of a chance for u to get it if your a virgin. try to go to a well respected doctor, maybe try searching the internet before you go to one. try www.ratemd.com, they have a lot of ratings there for doctors all over the us and cananda. i always look there before going to a doc.
best of luck

[Mallory]

Thanks for the link!

I also wondered if it was safe to assume that any endocrinologist can treat PCOS?

[Lemonade Ladybug]

Mallory....welcome!!! I was a virgin until I got married at 31 and years ago I had a gyno ask me....WHY???? I couldn't believe it.... Ummm...why not??

I had to see a gyno at the age of 12 for the first time so I can relate to what you feel.

I agree with the cycters you really need to do it, have a pap... you MUST research and find a compassionate doctor who will be gentle with you...I have even called a gyno office before and asked the staff there....'be honest, I want a doc that will be gentle with me, who do you recommend'.... I ask coworkers....we all share doctor information freely....also...I found out the hard way that there are different sizes of speculums.... there is a 'standard' size but if you ask...they can get a 'small' or....ahem....as I request and have VERY little discomfort.... the 'baby'. God made us all different.... NEVER settle on your health care, especially this kind of care.

GOODLUCK!!!
LL

[SnowFlower]

welcome!!

[ibcnuldu]

If you're over 20 and not sexually active I believe you should be having pap smears once a year. The risk is there.

And yes, it does hurt. The first time I had one I had NO CLUE what was going to happen. The woman was so scary and she hurt me badly. It depends a lot on the doctor. The doctor I am seeing now is very gentle and barely barely hurts me at all. When they tell you to relax, you really should try even though it's hard. I was also told by a doctor to try and relax your inner thighs and it helps a lot. I'd try to find a understanding doctor first.