I am so confused bf is making me crazy

[babygirl18905]

I am so confused right now and agitated!!!!!

I babysat my 17 year old cousins 4 week old baby for 3 days without her even calling to check on him, my boyfriend says "your cousin is too young to take care of a baby she should let you adopt him!" So I talk to her mother because her mother tried to get her to let me adopt him from the beginning, but she said No. So me and my boyfriend decided we would start trying to adopt ourselves so......... I went and bought the crib, changing table, dresser, and bassinet from one of my friends now all of a sudden he's saying he doesn't think he wants to do it anymore and that he's not going to take care of the baby while I am at work I need to find a babysitter!!!!!!! Do you think maybe he is just nervous or trying to make me crazy????????

[Babydust4me]

I think you two are not married and should be married before making this decision. I also read he said "she should let YOU adopt the baby". There was no "WE" should adopt this baby. So that right there makes me think he is not into adoption thing. Have you two talked/tried getting pregnant on your own? Could he be having second thoughts in thinking maybe he wants his own first?

Keep us posted! And good luck!

[babygirl18905]

Yes we have tried to have our own we have been together for almost 8 years and he already has his own biological son, He just seems to be so undecided one day he's okay, for instance I told him the agency said we have to take classes and he says ok sign us up, then the next day he's saying I don't know if I can go through with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't understand him sometimes.

[~Traci~]

I agree with the PP (all except for the "his own" comment b/c you don't "own" children...ie birth children but I assume that's what she meant). I know that we had to prove we were married (marriage certificate) & that we were legally divorced from our former spouses (divorce decrees). Our HS agency wouldn't even talk to us if we weren't married (for at least 1 year). Even if you've been together for 8 years, being married looks more stable than a "dating" relationship. No, I'm not saying that being married ensures that you'll be married forever but that's pretty much what adoption agencies are saying when they want couples to be married.

Traci

[macrod]

If your boyfriend is not committed to adoption than I would not force the issue on him. Now, if you are interested in adoption as a single parent than good luck to you! Are you going thru private adoption or thru the State?

[dna]

hhhmmmm....sounds like he is not so into it...like he is more interested in having you adopt the baby not both of you...

sitting him down and talking to him in a serious long conversation sounds like a good idea to me right now

good luck !

Amy

[Miss-Meme]

Sounds too me also that he's maybe not ready. And I agree about being married. I think in same places you have to be married 2 years.

[Jewels]

What comes across to me from your post has less to do with the baby issue and more to do with your boyfriend's ambivalence. Sounds like something is up and I would really suggest an open conversation about what's going on for him and then sharing how you feel. I hate that feeling like you don't know what's going on with somebody because they won't just be forthcoming. In some ways it feels really passive aggressive. But then I'm a planner aka control freak (I'm working on it) so those types of behaviors are hard for me to deal with.

Good luck with your talk and your decisions.

Julia
http://www.adoptionboard.org