how did u know it was time?

[americantjej]

hi ladies,

my husband and i have only been TTC with medication since jan although we have not been using protection for almost a year longer than that. we have had 2 rounds of clomid without Oing (not a single mature follicle). my HSG came back clear. his SA came back perfect. we are now on a 3 month break since i have recently started with met and want to give that a chance to work before going with clomid again.

i will only do clomid 1 more time and then consider injections (after i do some mroe research). we are currently on a waiting list for IVF which can take another year. here in sweden you can go about it 2 ways- wait and go through socialized medicine where the cost is minimal, or go through private care where the cost is comparable to being the USA with no insurance coverage.

we are both so, so, so ready to be parents. i am 32 and he will be 35 in 2 months. we have started to think about adoption. i am going slowly insane dealing with the month after month after month of waiting and dr appointments and tests and constantly popping pills. adoption in sweden only has one option- international. it is costly (although i think a bit less than from the states from what i have read), but it has long wait times (as from the states).

my questions are these:
how do you know that you are ready to give up the dream of having a biological child and focusing 100% on adoption? where do you begin? is there such a thing as adopting a newborn internationally?

thanks so much

[Miss-Meme]

We had always talked about adopting at some point (We thought after we had bio children). But we were ready to start after we had tried for years with clomid and then we tried injections and I had a bad reaction and didn't even make one egg! The injections really messed me up.

At that point we were ready to look into adoption. We signed up and waited. After a year of no word from the agency and a scam on the side, we stopped looking for adoption and thought we'd let it come to us.

I lost weight and we started TTC again on our own. With the if it happens it happens attitude. Last summer we were approached about adoption. And it just felt right. It was a bumpy road to the birth, but we made it.

I've not gave up all hope of maybe someday having a bio child...if it happens it happens, but we will never try meds again for it. I'm sure at some point down the road we might adopt again.

[dna]

No newborns internationally no. The babies are generally around a year at time of adoption.
For us, we just knew. It kinda fell in our laps and it felt right and still does. We also do not use protection at all, for what happens will happen or not...either way I dont lose sleep over it.
I think a period of mourning or whatever is needed or at least was needed by me to let go of seeking the bio child I know I will never meet. I am perfectly ok with not ever giving birth and as I get older I get more scared of it anyways !! LOL

[Miss-Meme]

I am perfectly ok with not ever giving birth and as I get older I get more scared of it anyways !! LOL

I agree with that!!

[americantjej]

thank u so much for the replies! this board is amazing

[patu]

I do not know the answer to your question. I have been thinking about adoption for years. Now suddenly my DH has started to talk about it, but our financial situation is not the best. Plus I am worried about so many things.... maybe this shows that the time is not right. Same time, maybe it is normal to worry?

It is really nice to see someone to post from the same side of the world Hi from Tallinn

[Miss-Meme]

It is very normal to worry about it.

[Binxsmommy]

I was adopted so when the oppurtunity arrose(looooong story) to adopt Bianca we jumped at it. I've always felt lucky to be adopted by the best parents in the world I wanted to do that for myself and a child too! Sorry I was no help! I wish you the best of luck

[americantjej]

patu, how does it work in estonia? are there any domestic adoptions or is it only international? i think i have actually seen estonia as an option from sweden?

(gorgeous city u live in, btw!)

[patu]

In Estonia it is mostly domestic adoption. The number of children waiting for adoption is quite big, because here people very rearly adopt. That is one of my worries - I know that my family will think we are nuts when we will adopt. We have a biological child, and another worry is will I treat my bio and adopted child differently? Will our families treat them differently? Will my son hate me that I bring another child to the family, with whom he has to share our love, attention and time? I am an only child, and I do not know anyone personaly who would have a bio and adopted child so there are no-one with whom I can talk about it.

Jennifer -I know people from Finland and Sweden adopt from Estonia. Maybe you should think about that option? The travel costs would be much lower, and maybe things would move quicker from here?

[americantjej]

tiina,
I checked into estonia... would u believe it's 1,5-2years waiting time from sweden? what are the waits like for domestic adoption?

[saiph]

Jennifer - just curious, why no domestic adoption? What happens to children given up for adoption or whose parents die, etc, in Sweden?

[patu]

In Estonia domestic will take from 6 months to 2 years. 6 months is minimum as the paperwork takes time and you need to go thru special trainin before you are allowed to adopt.

I always belive that they can say 2 years, but when the time is right the time is right It can take only few months if it is God`S will and it can take 4 years.

[Gnzls924]

Hi Jennifer,

After losing my son, and almost my life...being pregnant again just scares me to death...my husband is in agreement....so we chilled out for a while, got a dog, who we just love, love love! Then one day i went to starbucks and read the back of the cup...it was basically talking about adoption...the gist of it said.....I love my spouse more than my own life, and yet we are not biologically related (thank God) so why would it be any different for a child that is not biologically mine?

That did it for me.

[Miss-Meme]

Hi Jennifer,

After losing my son, and almost my life...being pregnant again just scares me to death...my husband is in agreement....so we chilled out for a while, got a dog, who we just love, love love! Then one day i went to starbucks and read the back of the cup...it was basically talking about adoption...the gist of it said.....I love my spouse more than my own life, and yet we are not biologically related (thank God) so why would it be any different for a child that is not biologically mine?

That did it for me.

My mother in Law told me the same thing when we were waiting for our baby to be born and I was worried about loving it!

It's so true!!