REALLY miss my ex

[scottishsweetie]

I have been out of the marriage for a year and a half now. I still cry sometimes because I miss him so much. He cheated on me and left me, so why do I only think of the good things? I have dated a few men since the divorce but I really feel like nobody will understand me or 'get' me like my ex-husband did. We were so in love at one time. I have been in therapy since then and on all different meds, even group therapy and co-dependent no more groups- nothing is making me get over him. I tell myself that I am making progress and moving on, but the truth is I am actually isolating myself- I have lost all my friends, gained even more weight (a lot of it has to do with all the meds I am on) and I never have fun anymore or feel happy. I have discussed this with my psychologist and psychiatrist many MANY times and nothing seems to be working to help me get over the pain. I thought that time would eventually help but after a year and a half, I still relapse into times where all I can do is think of my life with him, and that I will never feel whole again. There are NO pictures of him, I moved so he has never lived HERE with me, I even changed jobs- he is TOTALLY out of my life but I can't get on with my life- I keep kidding myself. I know this. I get so emotional sometimes I cry at movies, TV shows, songs, commercials, and whatever 'nothing' else might trigger my bursting into tears. What can I do??? When will it end and why can't I just be happy alone?????

[Lola22]

I'm not really sure how to respond other than to say that with time things will get better. I've never been married but I was in a serious relationship for 3 years. He was my best friend and we shared everything. Then one day he up and moved clear across the country! I found out shortly there after from mutual acquaintances that he wasn't completely faithful toward the end anyway. Fabulous, eh? I was left feeling completely torn apart and so stupid! Why didn't I figure it out earlier, maybe I could have saved myself some pain. I don't think so though. After about a year of trying to figure out all of my faults and flaws I realized that our breakup had nothing to do with me. There was nothing I could have done or changed about myself to keep the relationship going. It was inevitable and that makes me sad, but all I could do though was pick myself up and move on. In the beginning I was just going trough the motions of everyday life trying to appear happy, and after awhile I didn't have pretend as much. I've also dated a few people but nothing serious came of them. I'm not upset about that though. Right now I too am working on being comfortable alone. Everyday I try to find joy in simple things that before I would have overlooked or took for granted. Like today when I caught my dog ever so delicately plucking tomatoes off of the plant in my yard She got all wide-eyed and took off with one in her mouth when she saw me. (I wondered why it wasn't growing as many as it should hehe) Anyway, I'm in no way trying to compare my situation to yours. I can't begin to understand the breakup of a marriage, and I'm sorry that you've had to go through this. Please, try to keep your head up though. Give yourself time to heal. I know that it's already been a little over a year, but it's not a race! Everybody grieves differently, and I know with time you will begin to feel okay again.

[stellarnix]

My first marriage ended the same way. One thing you need to do is remind yourself that he isn't what you remember him to be. Those good times were real, but they are hardly the whole picture. You are doing everything right(counseling, support groups), so just give it time. It took me about 3 years to be right again.

[bailey0979]

I'm sorry you upset. Don't rush yourself to "get over him" but don't look at your realtionship with rose colored glasses either.

Happy-- do you have any hobbies you really enjoyed? or something you always want to try. Maybe take a class.

I have NO idea how to meet people. If I did then i'd be more popular then Paris Hilton!

Your doing everything you can. keep doing everything you can.

[maddux3]

I am sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. I was in a 7 yr relationship once, in my case I had to leave, however it still hurt and took time to be able to let go. Just remember, you are a great person inside and out and that your prince charming will come along and repair that broken heart. I think you are taking the right steps to healing and not rushing into another relationship before you are ready. Your confidence must be rebuilt and once you gain that you'll see things will get better. Just because you gained a little weight does not mean you are not beautiful. Beauty comes from the inside and will radiate outside. Time will heal the wounds but your confidence will heal your spirit.
I wish you luck and hope you understand that there are alot of people here to support you and help you when needed.

[brener]

You do not have to rush to get over this man but I would suggest trying to... he doesnt derserve your nice thoughts. He let you down so try to accept hes not a good person and would of been no good to you long term. DEfo try something new, like new hobbies, ask a friend to go speed dating or someting! If you take up new hobbies it could introduce you to a new world of people... It might not seem like this now but its good you got away from this man.... I got away from a horrible man too who let me down... I then met my soul mate... you will too xxxxxxxxxx

[Kathy2579]

HUGS it is normal my ex BF proir to my husband I dated for 6 years. I missed him every day for over 2 years. It comes in due time. You are doing the right thing. Take each day as it comes.

[mzamethystcrow]

My mother was married to my dad for 25 years. He was cheating on her for God knows how long during that time with his high school sweetheart (he ended up marrying her after the divorce). It hurt her a lot, and I don't think she'll EVER get over him and what happened. I know it suckes to hear that, but you may never get over him. Especially if you loved him that much. But, you also have to realize that he's moved on and there is nothing you can do about it (unfortunately). So, just remember that you can't change the past, but you can look forward to your future and work towards that.

Of course, this is just my two cents and I hope I didn't sound harsh there!

[Ella831]

I am sorry for your broken heart. It will take time to heal. Was he your first love? If so they say it takes time to get over your first love. As time goes by it will get easier but there just may always be a special place he holds in your heart. Try not to isolate yourself!!! Keep yourself busy and do things to pamper yourself. Go to the spa have a manicure,facial something fun.Call up a friend and just hand out. If you spend more time alone you will constantly think about him. Time will heal and you will love again. Remember it is not your fault he chose not to honor you and your vows!! Just hand in there.If you ever need to talk you can always reach me on here.Or PM me here.
Praying for you!!!!

[sharleenia]

Scottish, you and I have talked a few times about your divorce and I posted a thread about my divorce that is happening right now. My soon to be ex and I had lots of great times, but I remember how lonely I felt when he was on his computer or playing a video games for hours on end and I realize how much better and happier I am without him as my husband. He and I remain friends and he is, in fact, my roommate until he finds a place of his own. (we have separate rooms and separate bathrooms in our apartment so it is working out fine). He's a wonderful guy, we just don't belong together.

Sweetie, please let me know if you need to talk. I still think about my good times with my ex husband, but you know what? I'll find someone who will want to spend time with me, be romantic, and will love me just as much if not more.

LOVE YOU!

[JennieK]

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting. I've been divorced for a year now, and it's really hard. I've been on one date, and I do miss my ex and think he is the only one for me or the only one who will ever want me. Deep down this is NOT true. It's the loneliness talking. When I get really down (like right now) I remind myself that it is who I wanted him to be that I REALLY miss, not the person who he really turned out to be (the liar and manipulator). It was just what I built up in my head of what I wanted, and it wasn't the way it truly was. I miss the hopes and dreams, but the reality was, well crap. I don't know what your situation is, but remember he doesn't deserve you or the energy spent on him. Good luck and take care.

[scottishsweetie]

I woke up this morning thinking he was next to me.

You are ALL right- some things will take time to get over and some things I will never get over. I just feel like I do want to share my life with someone and it wouldn't take this long!!!! I will be 32 at the end of the month and I have no idea how to meet men... especially ones who are attracted to heavy girls. It's a stigma- I have been told to my face many times that "I would date you if you were thinner" - after hearing that so many times it sticks, ya know???

Thank you ladies for all of your support!

Love,
Mandana

[Embassy Embroidery]

I have been out of the marriage for a year and a half now. I still cry sometimes because I miss him so much. He cheated on me and left me, so why do I only think of the good things? I have dated a few men since the divorce but I really feel like nobody will understand me or 'get' me like my ex-husband did. We were so in love at one time. I have been in therapy since then and on all different meds, even group therapy and co-dependent no more groups- nothing is making me get over him. I tell myself that I am making progress and moving on, but the truth is I am actually isolating myself- I have lost all my friends, gained even more weight (a lot of it has to do with all the meds I am on) and I never have fun anymore or feel happy. I have discussed this with my psychologist and psychiatrist many MANY times and nothing seems to be working to help me get over the pain. I thought that time would eventually help but after a year and a half, I still relapse into times where all I can do is think of my life with him, and that I will never feel whole again. There are NO pictures of him, I moved so he has never lived HERE with me, I even changed jobs- he is TOTALLY out of my life but I can't get on with my life- I keep kidding myself. I know this. I get so emotional sometimes I cry at movies, TV shows, songs, commercials, and whatever 'nothing' else might trigger my bursting into tears. What can I do??? When will it end and why can't I just be happy alone?????

It took me three years to get mostly over Jack, but to be honest I still miss him to. You miss the comfortableness and also the idea that someone already knows your quirks. The idea of breaking someone else in is also a concern to me. As you already know although I am in a relationship, I know hes not the one 4 me and am making steps to move on. I just got a job at the Dr's office and now am looking to move.
It just totally sucks though, especially as you said before, that he is still with her, just like mine. Its the while feeling of being rejected. Although I have gotten to a point where I cant wait to be on my own again and noone to answer to(I was soffocated in this past relationship) I know how hard it is for ya
I hope your trip went well and you feel better

[lievans]

Wow Lola you have an inner strengh to be admired I too am not married, nearly was after 7 years but then he cheated on me shortly after we brought a house, after him I lost everything and it took so much to get back on my feet. I did only to meet another git who took 2 years of my life, fair enough the first year was bliss but the second he started to disconnect from us and wanted to spend more time with the lads drinking etc. My own fault really as I said it would never work out, he is soon to be 22 I'm soon to be 30, still a kid at heart but a lot wiser in life than him. Anyway sweetie lola is right her words ring true for me and hopefully will for you as well, I'm in your situation minus the marriage part that I still get upset feel lonley, and just want to curl up and go to sleep forever sometimes, then other days I feel so alive as I concentrate on the simply things in life, my own space, my aimals friends and think what makes me happy. Its your life honey, you rule no one else, dont spend life looking for mr right, let him come find you. x If you need to talk and if i can help i will email me lisa.maria.evans@btinternet.com. Hope you feel better soon. Lola by the way you rule.

I have been out of the marriage for a year and a half now. I still cry sometimes because I miss him so much. He cheated on me and left me, so why do I only think of the good things? I have dated a few men since the divorce but I really feel like nobody will understand me or 'get' me like my ex-husband did. We were so in love at one time. I have been in therapy since then and on all different meds, even group therapy and co-dependent no more groups- nothing is making me get over him. I tell myself that I am making progress and moving on, but the truth is I am actually isolating myself- I have lost all my friends, gained even more weight (a lot of it has to do with all the meds I am on) and I never have fun anymore or feel happy. I have discussed this with my psychologist and psychiatrist many MANY times and nothing seems to be working to help me get over the pain. I thought that time would eventually help but after a year and a half, I still relapse into times where all I can do is think of my life with him, and that I will never feel whole again. There are NO pictures of him, I moved so he has never lived HERE with me, I even changed jobs- he is TOTALLY out of my life but I can't get on with my life- I keep kidding myself. I know this. I get so emotional sometimes I cry at movies, TV shows, songs, commercials, and whatever 'nothing' else might trigger my bursting into tears. What can I do??? When will it end and why can't I just be happy alone?????