Sensitive Issue

[Rebecca's Mom]

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I this is not a issue for atheist just my marrital problem ok please don't take as a insult *******caution*******



ok anyone that has lost a child did there husbands decide they didn't believe in God any more. he has been saved and baptised its been a year since lost charlie and a year and a half since lost Rebecca Grace but now seems to say he is atheist we was married in a church and everything.....

[rainyangl]

Well this is coming from a non-christian but I can understand how one can, if believing in god before, either choose to not believe in him or be PO'ed enough to claim to not believe in him out of loss or anger.

My hubby and I are both agnostics and I don't want to offend anyone. I think though, if I were in your hubbys shoes or if I were a christian myself, I would be royally pissed at him for taking away our baby. And of course, christian belief says that god doesn't give you anything you can't handle and everything is for a reason, etc. My belief has no excuse for why we lost our baby. I am ok with that. I don't have a god to get mad at. It's just something sad that I have to go through.

My opinion is give your hubby the freedom to express his anger and loss. If this works for him. Perhaps if you want to go this route, you can suggest a church support group but don't push the subject because his hurt is obviously very deep.

I feel like if he truely believed in god before and still does deep down, the hurt will heal and he will find his way back to god. Right? (again I am not trying to offend or anything) And if this is what you want for him, some gentle guidence wouldn't hurt.

Sorry if I've rambled. I hope this has helped. We may not have the same beliefs but it gives a different perspective. Good luck.

[SheriKCMO]

I would suggest some support for your DH from the pastor and some men at the church. At my support group, I learned that grief is so hard for men, it can take them seven years to get to the point in healing that a woman reaches in just two years!

And I am an atheist, strange that your first answers are from us others, lol, but it doesn't mean I don't care. I hope that in this healing journey for your DH, he comes to some conclusions about his beliefs and faith that make you happier. It might take some time and hard work, though! (((Hugs)))

[Rebecca's Mom]

ok uhm he say's he won't go to church or talk to pastor so I am going to give him his space, I know I love him and that doesn't change anything I just don't understand, Thank you both you all mean so much to me and I love you

[VivC]

((Tricia)). I think that right now he's hurting so much that no amount of convincing will work. Give him space, as you planned, and pray for him to be led back to God.

When Rivi died, I was so angry with God that I wanted nothing to do with him for months. Eventually, though, I got pulled back in. I hope this happens with your hubby, too.

[My2QTs]

As others have said, this is not a debate...just my opinion....

That said...

He needs time. He is very angry right now, and rightly so. It is perfectly normal and somewhat expected that he would react this way. Ive had three losses and I can remember wondering why this had to be so hard on me. LIke I did something wrong. He will find his way back to his faith after he has time to deal with things. You don't just lose your belief in God because something unfair has happened. He is just angry. He will go through many phases, but eventually he'll come around.

Also, i don't believe God took our babies away. I think that sometimes bad things happen to good people and it doesn't seem to make sense. god helps us deal with these hardships through faith. I also dont believe the saying that he doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I think that the human mind (which is strongly linked to faith) can do amazing things. It is the power of positive thinking and the faith that God will lead you to better times that gets most of us through these difficult times. Its easy to blame God, but I really think that your husband's anger is leading his thoughts. You are doing the right thing: support him and don't pressure him right now. He'll find his way, whatever that may be.

Good luck to you. When God does finally bless you with a child, DH will know that he/she was the baby meant for you.

Kel

[Kathy2579]

After 4 losses both DH and I have lost faith. We agreed that when the time is right we will go back and do what we need to do. We think and feel for people who are need. We are taking a brake and taking space from the whole thing. I think it is normal

[Rebecca's Mom]

even though tis been 2 years....

[danibell]

As others have said, this is not a debate...just my opinion....

That said...

He needs time. He is very angry right now, and rightly so. It is perfectly normal and somewhat expected that he would react this way. Ive had three losses and I can remember wondering why this had to be so hard on me. LIke I did something wrong. He will find his way back to his faith after he has time to deal with things. You don't just lose your belief in God because something unfair has happened. He is just angry. He will go through many phases, but eventually he'll come around.

Also, i don't believe God took our babies away. I think that sometimes bad things happen to good people and it doesn't seem to make sense. god helps us deal with these hardships through faith. I also dont believe the saying that he doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I think that the human mind (which is strongly linked to faith) can do amazing things. It is the power of positive thinking and the faith that God will lead you to better times that gets most of us through these difficult times. Its easy to blame God, but I really think that your husband's anger is leading his thoughts. You are doing the right thing: support him and don't pressure him right now. He'll find his way, whatever that may be.

Good luck to you. When God does finally bless you with a child, DH will know that he/she was the baby meant for you.

Kel

I'm just going to quote Kel because she basically said exactly what I was thinking. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dh!!

[Hayles]

tricia~ ((((HUGS)))) i dont really have a comment as i am deff not religious I hope you can both work thru this together what ever Dh's beliefs are

[Rebecca's Mom]

Thank you very much

[PrincessJilly]

Tricia- draw close sister. there is power is a praying wife.. ((hugs)) love ya.

Remember the harder you push DH, the harder he will pull. Its a law of animals. Ever try to load cattle into a truck.... hehe. ((hugs))

[Rebecca's Mom]

lol Jill

[TechLady77]

It is very common for people to come to the conclusion after hard times that if God did exist, he wouldn't let horrible things like this happen to me. He will either find his faith again, or he will not. Faith is something for him alone and has nothing to do with you or anyone else. Do not be offended by it.
Do not ask him to do anything about it either. It will not affect your faith one bit. Just let him be the way he wants to be.

I personally believe that God fills our hearts and connects us with one another through love and understanding. If your husband can move past the "God didn't give me what I want" phase than he will find his faith again. Faith should not waiver because you don't get what you want. God does not control such things...it's not like he's your dad deciding if you get to eat candy or not. He's God, he doesn't control each person's fertility. He does not have a massive remote control that he can point to people and hit the baby button. Perhaps explaining that to your husband is the one thing you can do to help him. If he can understand that there is no one to blame he might be able to heal the anger.

[Rebecca's Mom]

Thank you tech lady, he has a lot of anger he can't find a job in his field we can't pay his student loans which are 500.00 a month and he is fileing bankrucy on credit cards he is a big kid, drinking to much and watching a lot of porn he is drinking so much and is on meds lexapro high blood presure metformin and clesteral so he drinks way to much a box of wine holds 5 liters he can drink it in 2 days, bottle of rum wiskey or vodka he can drink in 2 or 3 days he drinks 4 or 5 mixed drinks a night, couple weeks ago he lift me at the store over a loaf of bread I didn't know how much we had I wanted another and he said we didn't need anymore I said well I am getting it my sister was over with her husband and 3 kids and we was making chilli and I wanted grill cheese as well. he through a fit cuzing me and said I am leaving you here he came one told my sister he was tired of my attitude he lift me at the store and she had better come get me, ut when I got home he was already drinking and it was his 2nd glass and he just wanted to get home to get the alchol, and of coarse we try to have sex he can't finish and its all crazy, I love him so much but his anger and stuff really is hard to deal with tuesday he ran out of alcohol and said he wasn't drinking no more, last night he did well and he asked me not to get him anymore, so I am not, I also think we need to swich the lexapro to something else, cause its not helping his anger, and I want him to go to counsoling.......