My Friend's 3rd mc - What to do?

[A1Bailey]

Hi Cysters,

My dear friend just had her 3rd mc. She has endo and has been trying for over a year and a half. I feel so awful for her, but how can I show her that when I've never been through it myself?

The first 2 times, I brought flowers, but I feel like doing that again would just emphasize the fact that she's already been here twice before. Like, "oh, here comes my friend with flowers, AGAIN!"

I want to do something and I know she doesn't want anything over the top. What would you want your friend to do and say?

Thanks so much ladies. I really appreciate your advice.
Bailey

[Dagmar]

Hi Bailey,

I'm so sorry for your friend, my heart breaks for her. When it happened to me, I didn't want anyone to say anything to me like 'it wasn't meant to be', 'you can try again', 'it's for the best' etc etc. I'm not saying you would say those things, I'm sure you wouldn't, but the point is, I would rather people said nothing, than something really unhelpful. I found a hug would make me cry, which was good for me, because I tried to hold it in. Also, just letting me know it was ok to talk, asking me how I was feeling. Asking me if I wanted to talk. If you want to give her a gift, lovely bath products. I just lived for my bath at night. Good luck, you are obviously a very good friend, and she is lucky to have someone who cares for her so much. That works wonders. Take care of yourself too!

[A1Bailey]

Thanks, Dagmar. I am so grateful to you for responding. Bath products are a nice idea. They also have a very rambunctious puppy, so maybe I'll offer to take him for a walk as well.

Bailey

[siany22]

its so thoughtful of you to be thinking like this. i agree some nice bath products and a big box choccies maybe?!

[A1Bailey]

Thanks, Sian. Is chocolate EVER a bad idea? I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

[Kikibee]

I totally agree with Dagmar - just something as simple as "I'm sorry" and a hug helps tremendously.
For me, if I want to talk about it I will bring it up - and a friend who realizes that is priceless. As much as I want my losses acknowledged though, sometimes it helps to talk about other things, as an attempted distraction from the overwhelming and constant pain that m/c (and recurrent m/c) cause.

You're a good friend to try to offer what your friend needs.

[JESS4HOUSTON]

For me personally a friend brought me lunch, some gossip magazines, and some junk food and a movie. And just sat with me and flipped through the magazine and ate lunch and watched the movie. Never asked questions just was there with me.

[mom2amy]

Just being there with a hug and shoulder to cry on was the best thing for me during my losses. That is good your there for her during this time.
Chocolates and flowers/a card was always nice too.

I have had 4 m/c's since July 2002 and am glad I had friends there when I was down.