One big vicious cycle ~ can't take much more

[PuppyLove]

I've had depression for about 20 years now. Only been treated properly for it for about 5 years. On anti-deps and I see a psychiatrist. I only found out a couple of months ago when I discovered this site that depression and PCOS are linked, make sense.

I feel like my life is one big vicious cycle and I don't know when/if it's ever going to improve. I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind, and right now I'm questioning the point to it all. I've been in the place before, I know it will eventually pass, but then it will happen again. How do you accept this is how your life is and will be forever?

When I'm this depressed, I don't care about anything to do with me, meaning I don't care about how I look, what I eat, what I do etc. I take care of the things I have to of course, like my darling furbabies, who I love with every fibre of my being and mostly they're my reason for getting up in the morning.

When I'm like this, I can't see any beauty in the world, you know? Everything makes me depressed or even angry. I guess I'm mostly angry with myself, I feel like such a loser in life. I'm 37, I can only work part-time currently because of ill health and my depression, I'm single, never been married, all my friends are married/in relationships, including my parents and brother. I guess it feels like I've been left behind or "missed the boat" somehow.

I've been on some online dating sites, and it seems to be making me feel worse. There's so many arseholes out there, that in itself is depressing. Are there any good men left (that are single that is!). **sigh** I dunno. I need to go and see my psych again. I was angry last time I saw him when I told him about the PCOS and the IR and how hard I was finding it with meds, diet etc and he basically said "it's a very common thing, get over it" . . . so I've been hesitant to see him since.

I'm just so sick of myself!! I can't stand the sight of myself right now, I'm fat, pale and look like crap. I'm lonely, fed up and bored with my life!!

Please forgive me for the sook

[maryandsilviu]

PL, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way about yourself. Your dr definitely should not have implied that you should just get over it b/c it's normal for your condition. That's pure BS. Can you try a different dr? Maybe your meds need to be adjusted or changed all together.

I wish that I had some words that could just lift you up so that you won't be so down on yourself. You love your furbabies. They'll help get you through this rough patch.

We're here for you.

[PuppyLove]

Thank you so much for your kind reply ((hugs))

I received a letter from my psych today actually, he's pissed at me because I have overdue cancellation fees that need to be paid. He has a 24hr cancellation policy, and unfortunately with my health being as crap as it is right now, especially frequent migraines which can come on suddenly, it's mostly not possible for me to know 24hrs in advance whether I can make the appointment or not. Argggh. I've just written him a letter back and asked if he can recommend someone else for me, closer to home (he's about an hours away), and organised a payment plan to pay off the cancellation fees. I plucked up the courage to tell him in the letter I was disappointed he played down the PCOS in our last session, that it greatly affects my life and therefore isn't a minor issue to me

**sigh** this is not fun