So I gave up....

[Armystolehim04]

I am on Depo now i love it! I just posted my thoughts on it!

I understand with the BCPs Yaz made me sooo angry!I couldn't take it i was so angry over little things.I couldn't stand it anymore.They really need to do some more research on that or something because i've heard of A LOT of people having the same problem!

If you have any questions or need a friend i am here to talk!
Everything will get taken care of hun its just a matter of time! Don't lose hope!

[DiamondInTheRough]

Olivia,

I think my anxiety/panick is at an all time high. I've finally managed to get information about my referal to the GI clinic. For some reason, two different doctors received two different referals. One wasn't scheduled for another six months, but the other is in January. I left a message about getting a sooner appointment. I'm in some type of GI pain every day - every DAY. I wish someone would understand this and stop brushing me off.

I went to my family doctor today for a stomach bug I've had this week, and I ended up breaking down and had a small cry. He was so sympathetic, and said everything I needed to hear. He's been my long-time doctor and has seen everything I've been through and I'm sure he's wondered where on earth my tears were up until now. He thinks that for a long time I really kept my emotions/reactions pushed back, that I thought I had "talked" myself out of them. But he says eventually things have a way of pushing themselves back to the surface to be resolved. I believe the long and short of it has to do with my battle with infertility, and everything that has entailed.

After taking a more thorough history of what has been happening with me recently, he showed concern over my joint pain. My mother was diagnosed with CREST syndrome a while back and he wants to rule things out. I am going for bloodwork tomorrow morning.

So it appears I've rambled on and on once again

How are things with you!?

[OliviaLeigh]

CREST? Really? Soooo ineteresting - I have scleroderma. I'm glad your dr is checking you out. Have you seen a rheumatologist for your joint pain? Have you been tested for ANA or Rh or any other autoimmune problems? (Can't remember if we've talked about that). Sorry to ramble, I know you are having blood work done today.

Sorry about the GI problems. Man, you really need a really awesome overall dr to check you for everything. I'm sure you have a plan, but I have lots of "issues" and I just kind of have to choose which one to deal with at a time. I can't take them all on at once. For instance, going off of BCP - I know I'll prob develop a cyst and have pain, but I'd rather work to help my Endo pain as that is worse.

I'm sorry you cried at your dr appt. I swear we are so alike right now. I totally broke down at my appt last Thursday. I guess I told you that though. Sometimes the emtions have to show. Did you talk to your primary about maybe some anxiety meds as needed? I never ever wanted to be on anything like that, but so much has happened to me this year (haha - and not happened, like a BFP), that it wears you out. I bet you are like me in that - if you put your mind/heart into it, you can do it. And honestly, we just can't right now. Our bodies our fighting us and we need to stay strong. I can't be strong all the time....I do fall apart. I get really anxious sometimes and think I'm going through all this and then what if nothing ever happens....I'm sure that's crossed your mind too. I know I need extra support/help right now as it's very easy to cross into a mild depression. Sometimes I go home and I just want to sleep. And sometimes, I need to do that

I see my rheumy Oct 31. I've been diagnosed previously w/ RA, but had very few problems....second opinion is in order; however my joint pain has been terrible this year. What's odd is that my Endometriosis came about this year and my scleroderma is spreading. Although, if I'm having RA now, I don't know if I want the medication - I hear its terrible and I am not sure if you can take it while TTC or pregnant, etc..... For now I take Tylenol Arthritis when my joints start to swell. When I'm having a flare up, my joints do get inflamed and VERY sensitive. I also discovered that I sleep with my hands in like a fist kind of. I need to talk to rheumy about that.

I think I ovulated on Monday Night/Tuesday. I had EWCM and ovary pain that I've had w/ ovulation before. However, the pain is increasing so I'm suspicious that what usually happens is happening again - egg didn't come out (not confirmed, but thats what I think is happening) and now I've just got a cyst on my ovary. Last time I went off of BCP for 10 days, I had a cyst on each ovary (TEN DAYS!!!) Incredible. But it will be OK.

I've been doing alright the past few days. I've taken the Xanax as needed and just twice this week. I don't notice a mood difference, but my muscles are more relaxed and I'm sleeping better. I think that is helping a lot. Do you sleep OK? I'm still feeling overwhelmed at the fact that I can't really TTC again until next Summer, but I think it will be better this way.



Armystolehim - Thanks for the post Maybe you can help me out - Are you on Depo Provera or Lupron-Depot? Are they different? If they are different, what makes a dr choose between Provera or Lupron? I've checked out the Lupron site, maybe I should see Provera too!

[DiamondInTheRough]

Olivia,

I haven't had time for the bloodwork yet today, I'll go as soon as my husband is home to watch the kids. But one of the tests is ANA for sure, along with a CBC, and one other that starts with an E (I'm too lazy to go get check - oh what the heck, hold on!) Ok, the other is called ESR. I've never seen a doctor for these pains, so we'll see what happens. My mom is doing well, things are stable and have been for a while.

I've had joint pain to one degree or another since I was a teenager. I especially get it in my ankles, and I've been feeling it in my knees, writsts, fingers, and now shoulders. (Not to mention my lowerback pain, which includes my hips). Getting up in the mornings has been tough. I feel like I'm 80 years old, and I have to walk on the sides of my feet.

I don't sleep very well to be honest. I just have too many things going on in my mind to allow myself to sleep the way I should. My first ever panick attack woke me in the middle of the night when I was pregnant with my youngest. I was terrified, and had no idea what on earth was going on. I read about it the next day and realized immediately what it was. So I deal with the attacks much better now as I feel them creeping on, since I understand what it is. But I'm sure I have a panick disorder now, I fit the description to a tee.

I've never seriously considered going on medication until now. I feel like you do, it's just adding up too quickly, and while I wish I could learn more about it, and try self-help methods, I just don't have the mindset for it now. One thing I have learned - I am NOT a good multi-tasker! My youngest was just diagnosed with Asthma (He'll be two in February), and my oldest was born with a syndrome that has already required 3 surgeries (He turned 5 this summer), and he has a number of them to go. My doctor didn't suggest anything, but I'm going to wait and see what happens with the bloodwork and my u/s to decide what I should do. Part of me worries how hard it would be to stop the medication.

I'm glad the Xanax is helping you out. I hope that you really did ovulate. A lot of women ovulate right after getting off the pill. Enjoy your sleep now, because once you have your little ones running around, you'll never sleep the same way again in your life. I actually remember the moment I 'lost' my sleep, and I've been chasing it ever since, lol.

Are there things you can do for the next year to help keep you busy until it's time to ttc? I'm not sure if you work, or have any kind of hobbies. Are you going to start a pilates class? Maybe take a night course at your local college... I don't know how crafty you are, but you could take a cake decorating class at Michael's for example.

[OliviaLeigh]

Good idea on waiting to pursue anything until you get your bloodwork. That may lead to more answers which may put your mind more at ease. Looks like he's checking your inflammation, so that is great too.

haha - I also walk on the sides of my feet a lot. Do you ever feel like there are bruises on the bottom of your feet? I feel that almost constantly and I hate it! I also do not like my feet touched - anything touching them sends me into crazy pain. Weird, huh?

I can feel my panic attacks coming on now too, I'm just getting more and more unable to either talk myself out of them or talk myself through them. For instance if I have one, I kind of turn into a recluse the rest of the day...which is not good!

Sounds like you have A LOT going on besides your own troubles Luckily it's just me in my little boat. I can't imagine w/ the babies sick too! You def need to feel better! Has your dr checked your B12 level? I have a friend who was having energy/sleeping/etc problems and shes now on B12 injections and feels better. IDK, maybe your bloodwork will shed light on that

Yea I was against being on a medication 24/7, so I just got a very low dosage for "as needed" - it makes me feel good if I wake up feeling anxious I have something to calm me down. Just knowing that I think helps me relax. Weird.

I will find some things to do in the next year. My husband and I are temporarily living in DC due to jobs, so I've been slow to find things to do around here. I'm going to come up with a list of stuff to keep me occupied

[nellies_mommy77]

Nellies -- Thanks for the sweet words Did your dr Rx you add-back therapy while doing Lupron? I don't think I'll be doing that. We did talk about supplements to take and consistently exercising while on Lupron. She also said she will help me through "any negative side effects." Although, I'm not really sure what she can do for some of them. I'm worried, but ready at the same time.

They did prescribe me the add back, but it caused the side effects to intensify so it just wasn't an option for me. Hope it all works out for you!

[DiamondInTheRough]

Olivia,

Yes, my feet feel brusied like that. It starts at the heel and rides up my ankles. I don't like my feet massaged at all. But sometimes I ask my husband to rotate my ankles for me. He holds the weight of my foot by the heel and rotates my ankle. I feel like it helps take the pressure off. I am close to 50 lbs overweight according to my BMI - but when these pains started in my teens, I wasn't at all overweight.

About the B12, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if I was low in that. The funny thing is, I used to take b vitamins, and actually have some at home. I KNOW how important B vitamins are, yet I've been so blah about pills for the longest time now. I think I'll ask my doctor to test this when I go in for my blood results. However, knowing me, I'll call in and get the results over the phone from his secretary/wife.

I hear you about the difficulty of pulling yourself away or out of an attack. After I pulled myself together at the doctor's office, I was hit with major anxiety and could feel myself shaking - this is something new for me, and I worry that it's a sign of things getting worse. I think I could have used a much bigger cry, but I was so embarrassed as it was.

I think if I had just one person IRL who really understood I might have an easier time with all of this. Instead, people just seem to be getting tired of my complaining. I feel so hurt and lost over this. I know my mood swings don't help, and I've become a complainer by nature and I understand how people would get tired of this. I just wish someone could have the insight to scratch the surface and understand. My husband has been doing well at trying. But sometimes I think he's just humouring me.

Anyway, I'm glad you are going to look into things to keep you busy. Also, I read that some people with panick disorder feel better by being in possession of medications that they know will help. So it's not weird that you would feel comforted just by knowing this medication is ready for when you need it.

[DiamondInTheRough]

Just a quick update,

My ANA came back negative. My CBC came back fine as well.

My ESR was slightly elevated, however, at 22 (range is up to 20).

My family doctor is going to send a referal to see a Rheumatologist. I asked to see the same one my mother goes to, but if her wait time is too far away, he said he'll refer me to one on the newer doctors.

I took an extra-strength tylenol earlier and it seems to have taken some edge off of my knee. (Going down the stairs doesn't seem as life-threatening anymore, lol).

[utgrrl82]

Hi gals. I also have endometriosis and after years of being on birth control and the surgery I decided that I was also done. So I got off the birth control pills and tried my best to control my body.

There were some definite days when the pain was really bad and even sex was hurting so I had my second surgery. I found the best way was to control what I was eating and even then there are some days where no matter what you do, you will have pain.

But sounds like you are on the right track. It is different for everyone but that is what helped me the most.

[OliviaLeigh]

Diamond -- I'm glad you are going to see a rheumatologist. Esp w/ the joint pain!!! I take Tylenol Arthritis and it seems to help a lot - oh, and heating pads Seems like it takes forever to get in w/ rheumatologist. I think my shortest wait has been 8 weeks - and that was *very fast*! Let me know when they get you scheduled! Have you gotten all your vitamins, etc checked? Make sure you are metabolizing vitamins, etc? Maybe the rheumy will do all that.

utgrrl82 - Thanks for the input & your story I think what you described has been what has kept me feeling so well for so long. Apparently the damage suggests that the endo has been growing for a while. However I had not had any pain like I've experienced in the last year. I think diet and exercise does help a lot

Now that I'm a little more "accepting" of it all, this is how I view my current situation:

Want a baby - LOL
Can only go about 3 months until pain/bleeding start, then need BCP or something to stop it

So....I can either try on the 3 month, stop 2 months, 3 month try, etc.... But I think that will be an emotional rollercoaster, so if I can make it thru 6 mos of Lupron, I can feel better for a year and have a solid year of TTC.

Anyways...thoughts are more clearer than a few weeks ago.

[DiamondInTheRough]

Ladies, speaking of exercise, I've been doing well with it this week. I've still got this stomach thing going on (like bad IBS) - but I'm pushing through it and working around it. I'm hoping it will make a difference in these next couple of weeks (af is due tomorrow) and my flare up seems to build-up during af, and get worse the following week, then starts to tapper off the week after that, and then I'm ok for about a week before af is due.

About nutrition - What do you avoid, or what do you include to help with the endo?

[OliviaLeigh]

Yay for exercise! I too have kept to my schedule - 4x/week for 1.5 hours each time. I'm feeling pretty good too.

Foods I eat: LOTS of veggies. I try to buy organic veggies or frozen if there are no fresh organic options. I also only buy milk, eggs, meat that has not been treated w/ hormones. When I can, I buy the eggs from vegetarian chickens - sounds funny! Anything with hormones is really bad.

I eat extremely balanced - I think it's the best. I've tried the protein thing and south beach, etc...none really worked, or made me feel sick, etc... So I make sure I eat 3 fruits/day, 4-5veggies/day, and at least 2-3 proteins (milk, hard boiled egg, some turkey in a sandwich). Like other women, I do find that if I eat less bread, wheat, etc I do feel better. So I avoid breads as much as possible. But I love pasta, so it's very difficult.

I'm not really a calorie counter (although I used to be) - I eat what makes me feel good and avoid what I do not like. I rarely eat sugary things - I find that I feel more tired if I drink a coke or eat a cookie or candy. If I want sweet, I go for an apple or a juicy juice.

I hope this helps Glad you are working through the pain. That is what my doctor tells me to do - work through it! It's hard, but you feel good & accomplished once it's done.

Sorry AF is upon you and your pain is starting to get worse. Just think - your U/S is not too far away!

[DiamondInTheRough]

Olivia - that is a GREAT schedule. Is it mostly pilates? Are you doing any other strength/cardio? I'm sure you'll be in better shape in no time if you keep that up. You are sounding more & more optimistic, I can tell you are in a good place

So far, I've been doing at least one hour of cardio a day, as well as a Si6 dvd. Kickboxing has been too hard on my knee & shoulder right now, so I'm taking a break until I can regain some strength. As far as nutrition goes, I'm trying low-cal, low-carb (very limited bread, at the most, I have half a slice of toast in one day, if at all). I like pasta, too. I cook it a lot for my boys, but I always use the whole wheat kind. I haven't been having any, I find it's not as hard for me so far. But where rice is concerned, I'm a total sucker, so I just avoid making it at all. I am also avoiding red meat as much as possible, I've found this really does a number on me, especially after my gallbladder removal. We mostly have chicken, eggs, turkey, or seafood for animal protein. We also use a lot of beans/legumes for protein, too. I think I'll make a point to start being more mindful of organic items, also.

So far so good with day one of af. I am feeling mild-moderate pain, not enough to make me want something for it. I have noticed some clotting already though, but not a whole lot. I am going to stick hard to my exercise/diet this week - I really want to see what difference it will make.

Also, my husband has really been surprising me recently with his support & understanding. This has helped to motivate me tremendously. I have put my scale away, I found it was too much of a deal-breaker/maker for me. I am going to go by my last weigh-in at the doctor's office and just have them monitor me periodically. I am going to take my own measurements though, and check them every few weeks to make sure I'm on the right track.

[OliviaLeigh]

Slim in 6? Me too! Except I lost the first DVD, so I'm using the second one - which is hard, so I usually only do 30 minutes of it and then do yoga. I switch up my routine a lot between these three videos: Yoga Booty Ballet, SI6, Weight Loss Pilates. Oh, and like a relaxing Yoga video. I also do separate arm exercises and ab workouts. We also take walks a lot with the dog, but I've never seen results from just walking, although I have great endurance which I attribute to walking.

The YBB has a section for "sculpting" that does weights & cardio. Sometimes I'll do it twice. And you know SI6 is insane..... I'd really like to run again, but I'm just not sure with my joints.

Kickboxing sounds intense! I've never done it but I bet its an awesome work out. I'm so glad you are working through your pain and getting in shape! I know you'll feel better for it. Even if it's just to know that you are in control - that is how I feel right now and it's great. Sounds like your diet is really good too, so hopefully w/ all this exercise, you'll be seeing results sooner than you think

I do not own a scale at home. I find that I fluctuate so much that I just can't do it. As long as I feel good, I'm happy.

My old trainer used to make me do ab workouts during my period to "work those muscles" - I guess it helps ? No clue...but your post reminded me of that.

That's great about your husband. I'm glad he's being supportive. I'm sure he sees all the hard work you are doing and wants to show he notices and is behind you 100%.

[DiamondInTheRough]

Olivia, Kickboxing is an INSANE workout. In one hour, imagine THOUSANDS of kicks/punches/jabs etc., loaded into 45 minutes, with the last 15 minutes as "cool down" consisting of mostly ab workout. I've never had a workout like it - the only problem is, I can only do the evening class, so my energy level is so high afterwards when I hardly need it, lol. I wish I could do the early morning class, but it would be impossible with the kids.

You are right on about the feeling of gaining control. I'm taking it one day at a time. I know what my long-term goals are, but I'm not setting any 'small' goals, other then to take each day as it comes.