April 2009 Due Date Losses - Part 2

[SassyMKB]

This thread was started for those of us who had April 2009 due dates but suffered heartbreaking losses. However, anyone who suffered a loss is welcome.

Old thread: http://www.soulcysters.net/april-due...losses-255722/

For those of you who have moved on to TTC, we can also be found at:http://www.soulcysters.net/april-sho...rt-4-a-267668/

[SassyMKB]

Kristina (Roxy) - I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. We are all here for you.

[Juno]

Just marking my spot. Thanks for the new thread melissa.

[MiniGidget]

Marking my spot!

I've had a super-rough day today. I had a good old-fashioned crying spell this afternoon. It all comes down to the fact that I'm really scared for what the future holds and/or doesn't hold. Then I got on a downward spiral of things I would give up to have a child--it was a really long list--but I wouldn't give up everything.

I go back for another beta tomorrow. Whoop-tee-doo!

[R0xyg4l]

Hello ladies, tomorrow is my D&E. I'm kinda just wanting to end this nightmare. So far I feel OK. I think today is a much better day from yesterday and I only expect it to get better. My OB said I could start TTC after a normal cycle which he knows probably won't come, so to call my MD for prometrium closer to that time. I'm glad I don't have to wait too long. My DH will be out of town until right before Christmas with work so I don't really expect to really start TTC till after the New Year. I have had a lot of support the last day or so from friends and family and am ready for October to end.

[IMG2005]

Roxy-I am so sorry about your loss....I wish knew something that would make your pain, but I know its only time that will help you heal....no, you wont ever forget your baby, but the tears will wash away some of your pain.

[sweetmomi]

well, never ever thought I would have to come to this section. Unfortunately we lost our babies this week. Baby A passed on 10/26, babies b/c died last night. They said due to incompetent cervix. I am devastated. I feel bad more for my DH than for me. Everyone has been very supportive. However, my mother in law says I am toO "private" because I don't want to talk to her. Hello? I was 15 weeks, my cervix opened 3-4 cm, baby A slipped down, water broke due to pressure and baby died in my vagina. 2 days he was kicking in my vagina, and I was waiting for him to come out. Then he died, we did cerclage, I was on strict bedrest laying with my feet up and my head to the floor. Literally upside down for days. Could not eat, developed pneumonia and fluid built up in my face. Then a few days later, I felt a gush of fluid again which I knew was anoter baby. Tortured with an exam and US to confirm that baby b's fluid was gone and so was baby. Then tortured again while awake to get cerclge out so that I could labor only to find cerclage was too tight to get out. Put to sleep again to release stitch, baby b came out immediately due to sitting right there. Then woke up to labor baby c, lost too much blood rushed and put back to sleep again, baby c removed. Had to have a blood transfusion and respiratory treatments all damn night, oh and my heart beat uncontrollably.

Today is day 1 of recovery. Still in hopsital. So, please forgive me if I am not ready to talk to my mother in law. Private or not, I need to heal a bit first. DAMNIT!

[Juno]

Sweetmomi~ I am just heartbroken to hear of your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. Please know that we are all here to listen and support you in any way we can. My thoughts are with you.

[SassyMKB]

Sweetmomi - I'm so sorry for your losses. It is so heartbreaking and I can't imagine what you must be going through, but we are all here for you.

Kristina - my thoughts are with you during your procedure today. Also wanted to mention something a few of us learned too late with our D&C's - don't know if it's the same with a D&E, but if you want genetic testing, be sure to specifically ask for it. I was personally told after the fact that I had to ask for it specifically. I was ticked b/c I was in such a traumatized state, how would I know to ask for it?? It wasn't like they asked me and I said no. Anyway, just wanted to pass that on if in fact you do want additional tests done. Please keep us posted.

[Dee67]

Sweetmomi, I am SO SO VERY sorry for your losses....I can't imagine and I pray that you find peace, and that your MIL will give you TIME to mourne and let you be!!!

God bless....prayers being said....*cyber hugs*

[gothgrrl81]

Sweetmomi-I am so incredibly sorry. That is such a devastating thing to go through. I hope you're able to recover quickly. We're all here for you. (((((HUGS)))))

Roxy-hope the D&E went well and you're doing ok.

[IMG2005]

Sweetsmomi-I am so sorry for the ordeal you had to go through..........cant imagine how ur MIL cud be so unkind,in fact outrageous.........but then again,my own experience with in laws hasnt been good either......so I dont even tell them anything as far as I can........sp a SIL........who is always jealous of anything good that happens to me, & shallow in my moments of grief.I hope that ur DH & u tide thru this devastation.......& just disregard ur MIL if u can.

Roxy-How r u?

As for me,I feel so unmotivated to do anything,...........my home is looking like a war-zone,the laundary has piled sky-high.......BUT I DONT CARE.....

[MiniGidget]

Sweetmomi--I am so sorry! You went through so much!

IMG--I hear you about the motivation. My house turned into a war zone and I decided to call the maid service to come clean up--because I didn't want to and didn't feel like doing it myself! DH is so glad the house is now clean. At least something good comes of all of my extra work-hours!

Roxy--any news? How are you?

AFM--Beta came back at 36. I'm so freaking frustrated. I'm now positive it will be Dec. before we can start again . On a side note, we had a party at work and a friend dressed up as a "fertility fairy" because several of her friends have gotten pregnant from being around her. One of my other friends (who knew we were trying but didn't know about pregnancy or loss) says to me "Oh my gosh, you should totally go sit by her!" I just sulked by myself in the corner! I hate it! Maybe it would be better if people knew--because then they wouldn't say hurtful things to me.

[Juno]

Roxy~ I hope you are doing alright today

IMG ~ I am like that a lot over the last few months and that is saying something because I'm a neat nic.

Becca ~ I'm with you on the frustration of it all and oooh the stupid things people say.

AFM ~ had my scan today on cd 13 and am so disappointed and confused. First RE said no good follies then he said well maybe one will pan out in a few days if i o later. I reminded him that last time I did not O until cd17. I had to ask him to measure the one he thought might pan out and it was 15mm! Uh, hello I'll take that on cd 13 thank you. I reminded him again that last time I had a 15 and 16mm on cd12. He just said lets do a progestrone in about 10 days and keep up the BDing and let's see what happens. I just can't believe that he wants to discount the 15mm follie and so now I'm all down in the dumps, scared that femara isn't working and that I'm doomed to a childless life. The sky is falling. He also said maybe we could bump me up to 7.5mg next cycle and I can always try injections. But he has always told me injections are hard to gauge for thin pcos and that IVF is often the only solution. Yikes! Wasn't I just pregnant with twins, how did I get here.
Anyway, then I had to come home and give out candy to ,and I am not making this up, 400 kids. Many of them babies. I went to the bathroom and cried half way through this torture session.
So thanks for listening and letting me get this out of my system a little. I know most of you guys are still waiting to get back to TTC and might not want to hear all about my follicle drama but I really am glad you all are here.

[MiniGidget]

Juno--trick or treating--I totally forgot!!! How awful! Don't let him be a downer on you! You know what your body was capable of the last time!!!! For what it's worth--my RE triggered a 15mm follie for me on the cycle I got my BFP! You're not out!