Unmotivated wife - what to do?

[SandV]

I didn't mention that we're in a unique situation; we are Americans living out of the country (Oaxaca, Mexico). The resources that are available in the states just aren't available here. No endocrynologists, no counselors. Most of what you find in a low-carb cookbook can't be found here.

I am feeling like I need to do the legwork to come up with a plan that utilizes local resources; a plan unique to our situation. I know it has been frustrating for my wife to find local resources to deal with her PCOS.

I am also American living in St Lucia. I have had struggles finding resources as well to deal with the situation. I do not follow "low carb" per se. I have decided to restrict the type of carbs that I intake. The only thing I can find easily here is fruit, but the types are seasonal. What I have done is incorporated more veggies, water, and fruit into my diet. It is difficult to find lean meats here at a reasonable price.

Is she motivated at all to help others? If so, maybe you could convince her to make it more publicly aware in that region of Mexico.

Have you tried discussing the health consequences that can arise from years of ignoring PCOS?
I have been motivated on an off over the last 15 years of dx. I had a surprise pg that ended in an ectopic tube rupture. At that point, I started doing more research. The fact that I had so much internal bleeding and emergency surgery due to the life-n-death situation really caused me to start researching more.

[Mr.NorthSouth]

I appreciate everyone's input. So far, here are the nuggets that gained:

• my wife should get involved with this site for encouragement
• we may need to do something about depression issues
• more activity and exercise is critical (family walks good!)
• a "diet" may not work, but there needs to be eating changes (I'm writing down the suggestions you are all making regarding what to eat / not eat)
• don't focus on weight, focus on health
• Metformin can be helpful if taken consistently

Oh, and weight is not the most accurate measure of her health. It is actually BMI and the lab work that she should be having done periodically with PCOS.

I have no idea what BMI is, but if it involves blood work I'm sure we can have that done here. Is there a place on this site (or somewhere else) that explains what things need to be measured in her next blood test?

[Mr.NorthSouth]

I am also American living in St Lucia. I have had struggles finding resources as well to deal with the situation. I do not follow "low carb" per se. I have decided to restrict the type of carbs that I intake. The only thing I can find easily here is fruit, but the types are seasonal. What I have done is incorporated more veggies, water, and fruit into my diet. It is difficult to find lean meats here at a reasonable price.

Nice to hear that my wife's not alone in her challenge to find resources! I sympathize with your situation. Where we live, we can find most "normal" food products. But some of these diabetic / PCOS recipes call for things I've never heard of, and I know they aren't sold down here. People responding to my post seem to be suggesting a simpler diet (veggies, fruit etc.) and that is doable for us.

Do you have good health care in St Lucia? That is perhaps our biggest challenge.

Have you tried discussing the health consequences that can arise from years of ignoring PCOS?
I have been motivated on an off over the last 15 years of dx. I had a surprise pg that ended in an ectopic tube rupture.

In the past, I've tried to remind her of the health risks of ignoring this, but I'll admit that I'm usually frustrated at that point and so I sound angry. So *duh* it makes matters worse, not better. I think what I need to do is get educated myself as to the risks, and then have a friendly "heart-to-heart" with my wife.

Good luck to you.

[Go Figure]

I can't add too much as I am very motivated to deal with my PCOS, so much so that I researched all my avenues (or those that I knew of or found) before even my first visit to confirm my suspicions. However, I still want to have more children and that is a HUGE motivating factor for me.

While I cannot add much, I really do want to say that your wife is one lucky woman. Any woman who has the kind of support you're offering is very lucky. Keep up the great work.

[SandV]

Mr. NorthSouth - There is a private hospital that offers decent health care. It would be like going to a local county hospital in the States. The public hospital down here, I will NOT go to at all. Some of the local doctors will service at both hospitals. However, in the last decade there are more foreigners coming to set up practice here from all over the world.
I know health care quality can be an issue - especially living outside the US as we are used to. What I have done, is found a doctor who is willing to listen to my concerns. I bring her research and request her to look further into everything. It really seems to help both her and I. PCOS is not commonly diagnosed here at all. I have tried to work with the Diabetes and Hypertension group on the island to get it more out in the open. There needs to be more assistance by local drs and getting local women interested in their health.

As for speaking with her, I think you are definitely on the right path with having a "heart to heart" with your wife. You are a wonderful man for trying to help her through this.
Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss the challenges of health care or would like me to speak with DW.

BTW, you were unsure about BMI. That is Body Mass Indicator. I use www.fitday.com to track what foods I eat, exercise I do, and weight which will calculate the BMI for you based on your height.

[Mr.NorthSouth]

Thanks to both Go Figure & SandV for the compliments. While they are encouraging, a little perspective is in order: I've been together with my wife for 20 YEARS (15 of them married), and I've largely been a complete PCOS idiot.

I hope your DH's (just figured out what DH means - it's not Designated Hitter!) don't wait as long as I did to help shoulder the burden.

Here's what I've decided to do: over the holidays, I'm going to compile some sort of plan to deal with the PCOS using the resources available to us. Then around the new year, I'll have that heart-to-heart with DW and see what she thinks. I hope she'll be excited about it, but we'll see! In the meantime, I'll be posting my progress here.

I'm taking into account every bit of advice I'm getting here at this site ~ so thank you!

[SandV]

I wish you and your wife the best of luck! I hope your plan works for both of you.

[a-mac]

I've been following this thread... I think its awesome that you are so willing to help.

The only thing that I would add is to be prepared to make lifestyle changes alone for awhile. What I mean is ask her to go for a walk, but if she says no still go. If she's anything like me she'll be kicking herself the entire time you're gone, and may be more likely to go the next time. The same with food, if you stop eating food that isn't healthy she might not feel as comfortable about eating it. Keep it up for a while and your positive behavior is very likely to rub off.

HTH

[KatCarney]

That's a great suggestion, a-mac!

[Mr.NorthSouth]

The only thing that I would add is to be prepared to make lifestyle changes alone for awhile. What I mean is ask her to go for a walk, but if she says no still go. If she's anything like me she'll be kicking herself the entire time you're gone, and may be more likely to go the next time. The same with food, if you stop eating food that isn't healthy she might not feel as comfortable about eating it. Keep it up for a while and your positive behavior is very likely to rub off.

That is a good idea! One of the problems that we've identified is my bad eating habits tend to rub off on her. Perhaps my good eating habits would too!

[klmcconne79]

That is a good idea! One of the problems that we've identified is my bad eating habits tend to rub off on her. Perhaps my good eating habits would too!

First, I would like to commend you for taking a "first" step in trying to help your wife.

Secondly, my husband's bad eating habits can wreak havoc on me and my self-esteem. This is a man who is 6'8" and weighs 215 pounds. So eats anything and everything he wants. Though recently, he had an episode that scared him and has taken measures to eat better. I cook every night and try to make a healthier dinner for us. But, I cannot control what he eats when I am not around. Maybe seeing a change in your habits will instill a change in hers.

Also, my husband and I take long walks together at night. I crave that time with him. That is when we have some of our best conversations. Almost to the point of walking so far we lose track of time. It's a great way to get out and get some exercise. DH and I have been doing this constaly for the last 6 weeks (it was sporadic at best before hand), I've upped my water consumption to drink half my weight in ounces every day and increased my eating to 5-6 small meals per day. In just doing this over the last few months I've lost over 10 pounds and my energy levels have increased tremndously.

I hope that this helps in your quest to have a happier healthier wife who is not letting PCOS beat her, but is beating PCOS.

[Mr.NorthSouth]

kimcconne, it is really encouraging to hear stories of women beating this thing. It gives me hope that the two of us can beat it also. It has seemed impossible for so long... but if others can do it, why not us?

This is a man who is 6'8" and weighs 215 pounds. So eats anything and everything he wants.

5'11", 160 lbs here. I've pretty much always been able to eat what I want, and I'm sure that ticks my wife off. BUT, recent blood tests tell me I have to be more careful in the future. I guess I'm getting old.

Also, my husband and I take long walks together at night.

I think everyone has pretty much convinced me that this is a good idea. Since we'll have a 6 yr old in tow, they may not be as heart-pounding as we'd like, but at least we can get the habit going.

You say you are praying for a miracle - now let me encourage you... prayer works!

All the best to you.

[savoy907]

NorthSouth I'm 49 and have been living with PCOS for a long time. And there have
been many days, I'm very GRATEFUL to have all that extra male hormones. I went into
the Army in 1979, and back then there was no "sexual harrasment". You had to fight the
guys off. Sometimes, having a little more male hormones is a good thing.

[cemomster]

I think just mentioning she seems sad or is bothered would be better. Just show you care.
I would love it if my dh took over some of the cooking . And if he cooked healthy on top of it, I would be ecstatic and he would be a happy man in return!

Somehow get her on here. ITs such a wealth of info and support!

[rachz]

hatsoff to you. I am happy to see you worried about her. I also back the idea of you doing stuff, that u want her to do. I also tend to eat what my hubby eats, or i m regular to gym if he's. It's like partners in crime or good deal .
I m sure you will it through for her and see things changing gradually . Gud luck