For all those waiting...

[LaLaRanger]

Hi Everyone,

I would love to join this thread. My DH and I are very new to the process. We actually go on our first interview with Social Services on Monday. We're preparing ourselves because we know that a home study is going to be done. We're currently living in a one bedroom apartment, so we're moving into a much bigger place in two weeks so our living arangements won't hender us.

After almost 4 years of marriage (anniversary in June), one miscarriage the first year of marriage, and several years of TTC with no success, I've come to terms that pregnancy is may never be a viable option for me. My DH already has a biological child from his first marriage, so I guess it made it easier for him to accept adoption as an option for us.

Every since we made the final decision that adoption is what we want to do, I just feel such peace, joy, and excitement. I find myself looking for books on adoption, and looking at baby items. DH and I talk about our future son (we want an infant son) all the time. He's just as excited as his first child is a girl and he's look forward to all the father son things he can do.

I was wondering if any of you were considering breastfeeding? I've been researching it. I know it is possible for adoptive mothers to breastfeed although it's not always easy. Any thoughts on this would be really helpful.

[calches]

Hi Everyone,

I would love to join this thread. My DH and I are very new to the process. We actually go on our first interview with Social Services on Monday. We're preparing ourselves because we know that a home study is going to be done. We're currently living in a one bedroom apartment, so we're moving into a much bigger place in two weeks so our living arangements won't hender us.

After almost 4 years of marriage (anniversary in June), one miscarriage the first year of marriage, and several years of TTC with no success, I've come to terms that pregnancy is may never be a viable option for me. My DH already has a biological child from his first marriage, so I guess it made it easier for him to accept adoption as an option for us.

Every since we made the final decision that adoption is what we want to do, I just feel such peace, joy, and excitement. I find myself looking for books on adoption, and looking at baby items. DH and I talk about our future son (we want an infant son) all the time. He's just as excited as his first child is a girl and he's look forward to all the father son things he can do.

I was wondering if any of you were considering breastfeeding? I've been researching it. I know it is possible for adoptive mothers to breastfeed although it's not always easy. Any thoughts on this would be really helpful.

I had thought about that as well...but the meds that you would need to go on is you have to do for 1 year in advance...and to bf you would need to do that with the baby (I am assuming) right off the bat....that might be awkward for you and the bm....but it is whatever you are open to...Good luck!

[Novgirl]

LaLa - congrats on making the decision! I'm sure your meeting with SS will go great. I totally know what you mean about feeling a sense of peace. For the first time in a long time I'm able to look at baby stuff and not feel saddness. I actually feel a sense of hope now! Also, congrats on losing 40lbs!! That's amazing!

Have you told your families about your infertility? I'm curious to know how everyone broached the subject with their families (immediate and extended).

[LaLaRanger]

Calches - I've read on a few websites that you can actually breastfeed without using medication. You start to lactate from the stimulation of your nipples from the baby suckeling. I also found a lactation supplement system that goes over the nipple so that the baby receives formula to supplement your low milk supply. You can use the medications to increase your milk production. I think it's all really for mother and child to have the bonding experience that would come after child birth.

Novgirl - Social Services was good. The main thing is getting the medical reviews completed and waiting for our personal references from our family/friends to be completed. Hopefully I can get it all done rather quickly.

As far as telling my family about my infertility, yes I've told everyone I know. I'm someone that believes in talking a lot because it helps me to find peace with it. Also, I like to inform everyone about PCOS, because sadly, few know about it.

The only thing I hate about telling people that I'm having fertility issues, is that the automatic response from people is that "you just need to relax and not stress about it." Now that I discuss adoption, everyone's automatic response is "you know as soon as my friend adopted she got pregnant. That's going to happen to you too."

Of course waaaaaaaaay in the back of my mind, sure I would love for that to happen. But, I'm trying to become more and more secure with the reality that I may never give birth.

[kimmy-ki]

Novgirl-- Welcome! I know what you mean when you talk about the list of 4,000 things to do. For us it was extremely laborious and stressful, but there is a bright light at the end of that looooong tunnel. About telling family and friends, we were always open to the idea of adopting so pretty much our family and friends already knew it and weren't surprised. We were also very open about our fertility issues, so people's reactions when we starting talking about the adoption option were positive and supportive.

Share-- Wonderful about waiting for siblings! We had seriously explored that option and it was the agency that decided that we should just adopt one at a time. Kind of weird, but then again, maybe not. I think we both actually felt relief because even though we were excited about adopting siblings, we were also nervous and the major transition it was going to represent. (Conclusion--we think the psychologist who did our assessment was good at reading between the lines!)

Lala-- Congrats on coming to the decision to adopt. I know EXACTLY how you feel. That is exacty how I felt. Like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Isn't it a piece of heaven? I think it is wonderful that you want to breastfeed! If you end up doing it, you´ll have to keep us posted on how it works out. About the getting PG thing, I think it's true. It happened to me the cycle I found out that the agency had accepted us-- although I had another miscarriage a month later.

[Erin H]

Novagirl-Welcome to the thread and to such a new experience. At first everything seems so overwhelming, but it gets better. Sometimes it will feel the more you get done the more you have to do. Once you have all the paperwork under your belt it will not feel like it was as much as it did while you were going through it. As far as telling people we were not shy about it. We told just our parents and those we needed to write references at first. Then we decided there was no reason to keep it a secret. Everyone knew how badly we wanted children so the fact that we were not pg yet must have been a clue that we could not get pg. We decided that we would need lots of prayer so we told our church family. Everyone we told has been so supportive and excited for us. Now the only problem is every Sunday at church people are asking if we have heard anything yet! I hope your experience telling people will be as great as ours.

Shelly-Welcome to the thread. So are you waiting for an infant or a sibling group or either? Are you going through an agency or the foster system? Good luck to you.

LaLa-Welcome to the thread. I am glad your appt with SS went well on Monday. I think it is great that you are going to try breastfeeding. What a great bonding experience when you did not get to have the 9 months of pregnancy. I would love to try it, but that is something that would not be accepted well with anyone but me. Is it going to take any longer to get an infant son that it would to just say either?

Oh and if I have one more person tell me that as soon as we adopt we will magically get pg and have "a child of our own" I am going to flip out! I know it could happen, but just because we adopt does not mean it will happen for certain. We will have a child of our own and I cannot wait! The agency told me that the girl they were meeting last Wednesday decided that she did not want to have her baby adopted. Now tomorrow they will be showing our profile to a new girl. Oh, I want to put our names on the front page with when we started the adoption process. So if everyone could put that in their next post. Thanks. Well have a great night ladies.

[kimmy-ki]

Hi Erin-- Nice idea about posting our official dates! We initiated the process on August 28, 2008. We were officially accepted (legally notified by the court of our status) on March 19, 2009.

I agree with you that it is frustrating how everyone says that the cure for infertility is adoption. (Unfortunately, it doesn't cure repeat miscarriages!) When we got PG recently (a complete surprise), we were still planning on going through with the adoption. We just have this profound feeling that our adopted child is coming to us... We want to have two children so we will be happy if both are adopted or if one is adopted and the other comes naturally. Either way, for us it's the same thing!

[share3232]

Hey ladies! I had to edit my last post, but we are not waiting for an infant. We are just looking at siblings. We are doing a straight adoption thru the foster system so that is one reason it may take a while. The foster parents get the choice to adopt before we do. This is okay, we know we can wait. A main reason for not fostering is that we have two children already and it would be hard for them to have siblings coming in and out of their lives. Also, I just can't do it. I would be so attached.

[Erin H]

Hey ladies. I just wanted to tell everyone hi. Hope you all had a good weekend.

[Erin H]

Kimmy-WOW you are pg again!!! I am praying for you that this one will stick.

[Amberlyn]

I also have to try hard not to get really ticked when people say we're going to get pregnant now that we are working on adoption. At first I tried to explain, "that might work for women whose ovaries at least work SOME of the time, but mine don't, I've gone six years without a period before." But then I realized I am just wasting my breath. If it ever happens, great. If not, it's a neverending source of "I told you so's" from me to them. Ha!

Hope you all have a great week!

[Erin H]

Ok, so I am in a little funk now. I think I am just PMSing. I know I am going to be getting a baby sooner or later. I just want to know when will I start not feeling like a failure when AF shows up. I suppose it is silly to feel this way, but it is hard not to. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

[Novgirl]

Hey Erin,
I'm sorry you're feeling low... I know I still struggle with those days. I think that in time the feelings of failure will fade... I have to hope they will! I think once you see all the amazing accomplishments you'll be making as a new mom, AF will be powerless! I hope your day gets better.

Hi to everyone else! I've been meaning to get caught up on the thread but work has been nuts.

AFM: DH and I are still talking and talking - we can't seem to come to a decision as to weather going public or private makes more sense for us. We have listed off the pros and cons but they seem to weigh equally on both sides....

QUESTION: How did you decide which path to take to adoption? Was it clear and obvious to you or did you have to really figure it out?

Hope everyone has a great day! If you're looking for a good read, check this link out - it's pages and pages of ridiculous, funny and sometimes insensitive things that Aparents have heard through their journey... it really helped me to get prepared for the road ahead. Enjoy! http://www.canadaadopts.com/cgi-bin/...&f=10&t=000393

[kimmy-ki]

Erin--Hi! I wish I could help you feel better. I truly believe once you have a baby in your arms you can laugh in AF's face!

Thanks for the wishes! Really, honestly, I can't believe it. I have been TTCing since I turned 35 years old and only got pregnant once when I was 37, after a failed IVF cycle. (So I figured it was because I was pumped up with hormones.) Then we had a surprise this past January and suffered yet another m/c. Immediately after the D & C I had an ovulatory cycle and got PG. This time I'm a bit detached to be honest. Of course I am praying with all my that this miracle will be a bouncing baby in nine months! But the m/c I´ve gone through have been so hard psychologically speaking and because of my age, the risks are high and the odds are probably about 50/50. I know I have to stay calm and cool until 12 weeks. And that´s a loooong way down the road! Anyway, we don't intend to stop the adoption process because DH and I both feel so strongly about it so we'll just have to see what happens.

[Erin H]

Hi ladies! How is everyone doing? Has anyone gotten any news? Does anyone have any ideas to make this thread have a little more activity?