anyone have a child and still judged?

[vgmire]

My thing is i am not the only one in my family struggling to get pregnant, my sister has been trying for over 10 yrs to concieve and had a tubal and had to have the tube removed and numerous iui and ivf and nothing yet. So i get the comments often and feel bad that I atleast have a daughter who is my pride and joy, my family sometimes says that me and dh spoil her to the extreme she is in ballet/tap, gymnastics, and gets all of our attn, rarely do we ever let her spend the night with anyone and only family if that, but my time is hers i would stop working just to be at her side all the time.*tear, i honestly love children and i hate that i havent yet had another its already been 5 years + since we havent been able to concieve and i still get the comments of when are you going to have another, or your lucky you only have one (coming from my sis in law who has 3 and B**** and moans about how hard it is) c;mon then why did you let yourself get pg in the first place you know its not always easy.


i mean i hurt to know my sister wants a child of her own and hasnt yet been blessed with one and i have a child and want more but havent as well.

sometimes i wonder am i being selfish? i do have one amazing little girl!! or i am in all my rights to want another and get offended when rude remarks are made.


sorry so long! i just read the one with no kids and horrible remarks and i didnt feel that i should comment on that one!

[mzamethystcrow]

I don't think you should feel bad, just offer support to your sister. It'll happen for her (and for you) eventually. I'm curious, though... why don't you let your daughter spend the night anywhere?

[Samie]

I read some of the same thread, and I'm like you, I felt I should not respond.
We have 4 children all together, and we love them all. The oldest 2 are mine from a previous marriage and the youngest 2 are his from a previous marriage.
We want 1 together, for many different reasons. Neither of our previous marriages were exactly what you would have called a partnership, and both relationships were very negative. He is a wonderful daddy, and he deserves to experience a pregnancy, infancy etc in a loving and supportive environment. His ex is one of those women who should be sterilized so she doesn't have any more children (long story but trust me any mother who completely abandons her 4 month old to run off with some guy she met on the internet should be imo), so needless to say, his whole experience with his two was pretty crappy.
I personally want to have his baby, I want us to have a child conceived through love, raised through love, and I feel that if we don't, I may always feel that we missed a special life experience to share with each other and our children.
I understand how other women feel who are just trying to have one feel, I do. My heart goes out to them completely, but another part of me also acknowledges that some of the things that are said, are because of the total frustration, and at times feelings of desolation, because they are hurting. I know that when they are successful and are mothers, they will probably change their tune about a lot of things they feel and say now. I try not to hold it against them. Like the work thing, etc. I'm sorry but when it comes down to it, my child's experiences and ability to have both my dh and me there, is way more important because they are children. I know what its like to have a child be completely disappointed and devastated for a father or mother to not be able to share certain holidays, etc. We're adults, we've already done that been there, and while its still important to us, its even more important to children.
I definitely feel judged at times because I already have kids. I have gotten alot of, "WOW you want ANOTHER one?" Gosh, its not like I've spit them out like Michelle Duggar...I have really only had 2!?! Its because of life circumstances, that I have 4, not because of any reproductive ability of mine. I also had my 2 when I was pretty young, THIS is when I should be having a baby, and now its tougher.
Oh, and I completely get the no spending the night anywhere, I am still really hesistant with my almost 10yr old.
I'm sorry this is so long too, but THANK you for starting this one. Its been kind of bottling up a bit. lol.

[vgmire]

mzamethystcrow
i dont allow my daughter to spend the night with alot of people because of trust issues. i was raped by a family member to be exact it was my grandfather(moms side) and the fact that it was someone so close and someone i thought truly cared for me and took advantage of that is why i am so protective. i mean she spends the night with my younger sister and mom but no anyone else atleast until shes able to communicate better with me if anyone touches or tells her to keep bad secrets and things. you know children are so easily influenced by people they know and trust that sometimes they dont realize that what is happening to them could be bad. im not saying that i dont trust in people but i would rather be safe than sorry, she is my pride and joy and it would kill me if anything horrible happend to her. i have taught her to be cautios not in a "im too scared to do this and go there" but to realize that not everyone can be trusted and so far she has done well with strangers and school and family that we see often.

[mzamethystcrow]

Ah, okay. Understandable then. :-) I'm sorry that happened to you. *hugs*

[AngelaGrace]

Hi Ladies,

I started the other thread, but in no means meant to exclude your situations. I was just posting where I am personally coming from. I definately think you should not have to endure anyone's rude comments or be judged for TTC just because you already are a mom. I think it's wonderful if you want you have more children. We are all TTC and it's so very important - whether it's child # 1, 2, 3, 4 and so on!

Hope I didn't come across negatively. I wish you all the best!
Angela

[Samie]

[QUOTE=AngelaGrace;1890056733Hope I didn't come across negatively. I wish you all the best!
Angela[/QUOTE]

You didn't, I read quite a bit of it, and I do understand and respect your feelings completely. Which is why I never posted on that thread. You seem like a very sweet and caring person, and I hope I haven't offended you personally either.
Oh, and I am crossing my fingers for you, I know this is your first cycle, and hopefully your last for quite awhile, come on BFP!

[AngelaGrace]

Thanks!

Yes, this first cycle does seem to drag on and on... but still keeping hope! Trying to be prepared either way. I hope you have a BFP soon, too!

[ckd7899]

I can completely understand. I have 3 kids. Yet, we desperately want 1 more to complete our family. We have been trying for close to 2 years. It becomes harder all the time. But people tend to think we are crazy for feeling pressure. At least we have kids, blah blah blah. Yes, I am so very greatful for my children. I adore them with all of my being. It does not take away from the hurt of infertility. From every BFN we see. From the craziness of the meds we take JUST to have a chance.

[vgmire]

i hope that by starting this thread i did not offend anyone, i just wanted to honestly get other moms opinions and feedback on others' comments as to our situation in which we have a child yet want more!. but i was not offended i just wanted the thread from Angela Grace to be about the question she asked. and babydust to you!

[TTC#2]

Hi vgmire, I have been ttc # 2 for 6 months now, i have a wonderful 4 yr old son and I thank God everyday for giving me this miracle...I am 29yrs old and desperately want another one, not a day goes by without me thinking about my unborn baby, and the sad part is I dunno whats happening with my body, havent got a period in like 4 months or so, body dint react to provera, acne is exploding, my doc is very old fashioned, and if i want to go to an RE, it will take another month to get an appt, the wait is really killing me!!!
Should I be consoled that I atleast have a kid or feel bad that its not easy to have another one, I am a good mother and I really love kids, all I am asking is one more to finish my family.

[ralphie_bird]

I have two girls from a prior marriage and am now remarried to a great guy...who has no kids. Like Sam, I want to have a baby *with him*. He has never been married, has no kids and I feel if I can't give him a baby, what a horrible failure I'll be.

Anyway, vgmire, you're not being selfish for wanting what so many others have and take for granted.

[Samie]

I have two girls from a prior marriage and am now remarried to a great guy...who has no kids. Like Sam, I want to have a baby *with him*. He has never been married, has no kids and I feel if I can't give him a baby, what a horrible failure I'll be.

Oh, ralphie bird, even if you aren't, you absolutely are not a horrible failure. I know its hard not to feel that way though...