How do I tell my sister?

[mj_romo]

My sister has been trying to get PG for over 2 years now. For the first 18mo, she didn't really have medical supervision; then for the last year, she's been seeing a fertility specialist, and has now moved on to a Chinese medicine doctor.

At the end of 18mo w/o med. supervision, they attempted 3 times to induce AF with provera (?) with no luck, so her OB sent her on to a fertility specialist.

She did 6mo of clomid with no AF, no Oing, no luck. Then, she's did 6mo of FSH with no AF, no Oing, no luck. A couple of months ago, her fert. dr recommended the Chinese medicine specialist that I saw to get PG. Now, this blew my sister away because when I told her about it, she didn't believe me at all. She thought it was hokey, even though I had proof that it worked. So, when her dr. specifically recommended the person I'd seen, my sis was not happy. She's so messed up from the hormones that it was like my saying "I told you so" even though I had nothing to do with it. She was actually really angry with me about it.

Now she's been seeing this Chinese med. specialist who thinks it's going to be an uphill battle for my sis to get PG. And my sis is an absolute wreak.

I'm of course not going to break the news to her for a while, but I need some suggestions on how to do that and what to expect as a reaction.

[Anonykat]

Break what news? Are you pg again?

[amorvincit105]

what news?!?! what news?!!?

[MOJO33]

If you are pg...just tell her. If she needs to cry it out let her. My sister had to tell me twice. I was thrilled for her but the "Why not me's" sank in. I never told her that I cried when I got home...but I'm sure she knew.

[Sherrylen9]

If you're pregnant, then I think it's best you tell her before she hears it from someone else. My sister was able to have a baby almost 8 years ago, when I was still a teenager. I was of course thrilled. Since then she hasn't been able to get pregnant again. Well my husband and I suffered 3 miscarriages and God blessed us with our DS through adoption. Now I'm pregnant, I felt so bad to tell her b/c she has been wanting a baby and more than that a son so bad. But I felt it best to tell her if not it causes tension. She was happy for me, but I know it had to bother her. Just like it bothered me when my friends were getting pregnant left and right and I couldn't. But she loves you and will be happy for you even if she has to work through some jealous. Be gentle with her, and don't get your feelings hurt if she doesn't act happy for you right away. Good Luck!

[Asherlexie]

Just tell her like they said. If she gets mad about it, then that's her problem. Yes it hurts everytime someone else gets pregnant. Even now that I am it still hurts because I know it wasn't too much of a hassle/struggle/costly for them as it was for us. Things happen for a reason and I truly believe that. Maybe she needs to let her body rest from all of the random meds and just try metformin to bring on periods. I was so afraid to tell my sil that I was pregnant but she ended up being very happy for me. My brother and her have tried for 8 years and found out 3 months before I got that IVF was her only hope. She has one tub and one ovary. Her tube is 100% blocked. Due to no insurance coverage for fertiilty treatments for either of them it's just a situation they can't afford. They've accepted it and bought a house and a new car. I think they will just live vicariously through Matilea. Which is fine with me.

Be honest and true. You will never go wrong doing it.

[jessietex]

IA, just tell her. My sister was never able to conceive, she had a ruptured cyst that damaged one ovary in college & then experienced a horrible ectopic pregnancy & that was that for her. When I got my bfp I was a little nervous to tell her, but I did & she's THRILLED!!!

GL

[alicek]

I agree that you should just tell her, but I would add to that (1) tell her at a time when she has plenty of room to react in whatever way she has to react, i.e. not before a big family function or a time when you're surrounded by people; (2) tell her first, don't let her hear it from other people; (3) don't get mad at her for however she reacts, even if it's not good; and (4) don't give her advice on what she should do to get pregnant unless she expressly asks you for it.

You might be surprised. My sister was dreading telling me that she was pregnant, because her pregnancy was an accident and I'd been struggling for a year. Fortunately, I found out I was pregnant at the same time she did (although she was eight weeks ahead of me and just had her baby).

[HRkswildcat]

I agree with the others. Just tell her. I'm sure that it would hurt her far more finding out from someone else than from you.

And I agree with the pp, don't get mad if she has a bad reaction. It's natural for her to be upset.

[amorvincit105]

tell her..maybe she will put more faith in what you say about the doctors from then on.

[Bee]

A few years back, my sister and I were in a similar situation. I was TTC for 2 years when my sister just happened to accidentally get pregnant. I didn't take it well and then I felt so bad afterwards because she lost the baby at 19 weeks.

My bad reaction to her happy news really ate at me after she lost the baby. Especially after she had sent me pics of her ultrasound. I still have those ultrasound pics.

So after that initial loss, my sister had 3 more early miscarriages which she never confided in me. And that made me a bit angry that she couldn't talk to me about it.

I went on to get pregnant and have a 26 week preemie and even though my sister lives far away, she was the first person to call the hospital when DD was born. I was in the recovery room and I heard the nurse talking on the phone and I KNEW it was my sister.

So although these types of situations can be a bit like walking on glass. You are sisters, related by blood and nothing will ever break that bond.

Take care!

Bee

[amorvincit105]

bee~ your story is very touching..thanks for sharing it

[rachellouise]

Bee-Your story made me cry! How touching!!!

MJ-romo-I was in a similar situation as well. I had told my whole family but didn't tell her yet. Her and my BIL have been trying for about 4 years and she's 3 years younger than me. I told her late one night over the phone and she started crying. I felt so scared to tell her. Of course she was happy for me but I knew how hard it was for her. We tried for a year for DD and 9 months for this little punkin. So she'll understand.

[DiamondInTheRough]

I think you should definitely tell her as soon as possible. I think the sting of finding out last would be much worse then any initial reaction to the news. Remind her of your own fertility issues and how you've also shed many a tear in your struggle.

[marji]

I had a very similar situation this time around. My sis had confided in me that she and her DH were trying. After about a year, we started trying too, but I never told my sis. We got pregnant the first month, and I hadn't even had a chance to let her know we were trying too. I wanted to wait to tell her, but I ended up in the ER for some bleeding, and my dad just took it upon himself to tell her. I was very upset, because I was hoping to keep the news private for longer, and I had specifically asked him not to tell. Anyway, the point is, she was really upset with me, and although she has definitely forgiven me, she will not talk to me AT ALL about her ttc journey anymore, and she honestly has barely called me at all during this pregnancy. It's really sad for me, and I wish she could get past it, because we used to be really close. I'm not sure if it's because I kept the news from her, or because it just makes her sad to think about the fact that she isn't pregnant yet, but either way, it's been really hard for both of us. I'd encourage you to just be honest with her, and tell her, knowing that she is liable to be very sensitive about it. It' s a tough situation... Good luck. Just remember that even though she'll be so happy for you, I'm sure it'll still be sad for her, so you have to remember that she might act sort of strangely about it...