Meeting someone/self esteem/PCOS

[curlygrrl]

Okay, so I'm married to a man and long before we got married he was aware of my bisexuality. At that time he was like "Do whatever you want with women but I don't want to be involved." Well, in our five years of marriage the opportunity has never presented itself.

Now I have a huge crush on this woman who happens to play in a band. I've seen her perform twice and am going to see her again next weekend. She is a pretty young and slender thing. I feel unsure about her sexuality. Last time I saw her perform, both dh and I thought she was looking at me but I couldn't believe it.

I am a lot heavier than I'd like to be. Though I carry it fairly well, I'm about 190+/- and my ideal weight is about 140. The last time I saw her, I left as soon as the show was over. Later I said to dh, "Why did I freeze up?" and he said "you didn't freeze up you ran away."

I know the real reason I ran away was because I was too self-concious to talk to her. I thought she is so hot, there is no way she would want to be with someone like me. I vowed to lose 15 lbs before I saw her again in three week, LOL!

Any words of wisdom? Any advice for next time I see her? I promised myself I would talk to her!

TIA!

-Tamara

[Raven1]

Welcome to the board! I can relate to your dilemma. I am usually a shy person and have had a hard time approaching someone, especially if she is hot! Whenever I have really hit it off with someone I just met it is because I act confident. After one of her shows (take a deep breath) go up to her and compliment her on the performance- maybe on a particular song you liked. Make good eye contact. Maybe offer to buy her a drink and see where it goes. It never hurts to try. I am still wondering about the ones I never had the guts to talk to- and that really sucks! Have you tried Atkins diet? I swear by it, and have lost almost 20 lbs.

[curlygrrl]

Thanks for your kind words! It was so weird, I wasn't even really thinking about it and I came up with an amazing conversation starter yesterday out of the clear blue! Just thinking of that made me feel more confident!

Now if I can just find a babysitter for the show this weekend I'll be set.

Yes, I've tried Atkins and I just can't do it. Right now I'm trying to adhere to the Insulin Resistance diet. I have lost, but still have difficulty sticking with it.

[luvsny]

I hate having PCOS. It always makes me feel like, damn who would want me? PCOS makes me feel not only fat and ugly, but like I'm a freak or something. I hate the hairy part of it...it's so damn gross!

[curlygrrl]

luvsny, I can totally identify with that.

Well everyone I have to report back that I TALKED TO HER!! Yahoo! She said she saw me singing along and figured I knew someone else in the band, she was very flattered when I told her I came out because of her!

She invited me to the next show. "Bring a tent if you've got one we're going to be out there all night," she said. Oh drool.

Thanks for all of your encouragement. Yes, I felt like a total dork, but at least I won't wonder because I never talked to her. There were two guys who walked up to her at the same time I did but she seemed to be paying more attention to me. I'm still walking a foot above the ground, really. Can't wait till Friday!!

I honestly think this may give me the motivation I need to get off my butt get moving and stick to a sensible way of eating. I guess I really have to do it for myself. I feel sad when I think about the old, slender me. I was so much more confident, I feel like the additional weight and PCOS symptoms have made me a different person not only in appearance but also in personality. I'm just not as outgoing as I'd like to be, don't want to call attention to myself, you know? I guess meeting her has really brought all of this home for me.

Thanks for listening to me babble!

((hugs)) everyone!

[luvsny]

Curly, I am so happy for you. Congrats on talking to her. It sounds like this girl may really be interested in you too. Good luck - I wish you the best

[luvsny]

Simone...I see no reason why a thin, attractive lady would not want to be with you. I met my ex-girlfriend on the net and she was very overweight. She didn't have PCOS, but she did have Endometriosis. I know it is drilled in our heads growing up, but what is on the inside really is what matters. Really once you get past someone's looks, if there's nothing good about them on the inside, we would lose interest.

I can understand it being hard to meet someone b/c you live in a small town. I also live in a pretty small town. And don't get mad at me for saying this (I counsel people at work on a daily basis and I am pretty good at reading people), but I think you are judging yourself. You seem to be very concerned what someone else thinks of you. You need to do things that please you. And as the song goes: "if it makes you happy, then it can't be that bad."
Don't feel guilty for being curious or attractive to women. It only makes you that more exciting of an individual. I will also tell you what a friend told me one time. She said to do what you love to do and you will meet people. For example, I like to go to Barnes & Noble and hang out (yes, I know I am a nerd lol). But her point was that it is something I like doing with my time and I would eventually meet people there that I would probably enjoy talking to and spending time with. I hope I have helped in some small way and not offended (that would never be my intention)

[luvsny]

Simone,

Sorry I couldn't be of more hlep. I think when we feel better about ourselves other people see that as well and they are attracted to us. I have always found that to be true in my case. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. I sent you an email a few days ago, did you get it?

I don't know of any lesbian/bi chatrooms. Everyone I have been in is all sex talk.

Michele

[Raven1]

So.... what happened?!?!?!

[curlygrrl]

Thanks for checking in...

Well due to copious amounts of mud, she and her band did not show on Friday. Very disappointing and unprofessional I might add.

Very sad, don't know when I might see her again. Oh well.

[Raven1]

Whoa that is a bummer! You'll meet again if it was meant to be... Hang in there.

[levittjm]

<sigh> i hear this all the time from women - that we have trouble meeting other women - i say it myself all the time too! i get envious sometimes of men's ability to meet people - whether it's social conditioning, or biological drive, or what i don't know, but men in our society are much more successful at meeting other people, whether for just sex or for a date.

and of course, while i have excellent gaydar/bidar when it comes to men, i have absolutely no clue when it comes to women, making it all that much harder to figure out the whole "meeting someone" thing.

Julie

[curlygrrl]

((hugs)) and ditto Julie!

Still waiting for my chance, 'sigh.' Well, I love to dream!

[arlaur]

I can DEFINITELY identify with where all of you are coming from! I, too, am bisexual, but yet I've never been with a female before. And I also have a terrible body image as a result of having PCOS. I'm not incredibly obese, but I stand at just under 5'4" and weigh somewhere around 150, and I should be somewhere closer to the 125-130 range. I get so incredibly depressed and tired, and I never want to show my (acne-covered) face in public. I get electrolysis for my excess facial hair, but even so, I still worry about that, too.

And, I also have excellent gaydar when it comes to men, but can never tell as far as women are concerned . . . which is why I have been consistently attracted to straight women . . . argh! Existence is such a pain sometimes!!!

-Ari

[curlygrrl]

You know, a lot of things have happened to me over the last couple months that has made me totally re-frame my thinking about my body image. I have been struggling with it for years, met some women on line who were into this "fat positive" thing and though it sounded great to me, I was afraid to get behind it. I couldn't just resign myself to being fat.

But now I am realizing that I'm being totally unfair to myself. I also think that my husband is being totally shallow and unfair to me as well. It really hit me hard when I read a bunch of posts on another thread about how everybody's partners were supportive and told them how they "loved them just the way they are." Unfortunately, my husband makes it abundantly clear that he is unhappy with my weight. See, when I met him 9 years ago, I was an hourglass figure 19 year old.

I'm beginning to actually believe for myself that I am beautiful the way I am and I think that may be the key to many things, including meeting women and maybe even beginning an exercise routine and generally taking care of my body because I love it instead of simply beating myself up over my "excess" weight.

I don't know if this makes any sense and I do know there were too many run on sentences, LOL, but I had to get this off my chest.

((hugs)) everyone!!

Tamara