Feel like giving up...on everything

[lissafiller]

Hi. I was diagnosed with PCOS in July of last year. I have been TTC since Feb 02. I know that I am able to get pregnant because I was and had a mc. I was due the same time as 2 cousins and a friend. It has been so depressing watching them through their pregnancies and deliveries. To make matters worse, I watched my sister in law get pregnant and deliver and I'm still not pregnant.

To find out that I had PCOS and would have trouble getting pregnant the same week that my sister in law finds out she's pregnant wasn't a picnic. It actually started this whole depression thing.

I often find myself sitting at my computer looking for something new to try and crying. I'm so tired of this. I am almost to the point of not TTC but my husband isn't there yet. He doesn't understand the emotional stress this brings.

Every month I count the days, use my fertility monitor and try and every month we come up short. It is so monotonous. I am getting so tired of it all.

I am in the process of losing weight. I started Weight Watchers and it does work. I'm down a size and a half, but who cares? I want to lose the weight for health reasons. What I want the most though is a baby.

I don't know how many more cycles I can cope with. My doctor referred me to a RE but my insurance doesn't cover more than the initial visit and 3 tests. I can't afford to keep paying the out of pocket expense of seeing him and the medication that also isn't covered.

It seems hopeless. I just feel like my heart is being squeezed because it hurts so bad wanting something so much and not being able to grasp it.

I don't really know what to do. I just needed to get this out to someone who understands since no one here seems to...

[KlassicalKat]

Hi, lissafiller

First of all, WELCOME TO SOULCYSTERS!

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I am an older cyster, but I know that there are plenty of women on this board that have gone through similar experiences and are TTC (trying to conceive), too. Feeling discouraged is only natural when you want something so badly and it doesn't seem to happen.

I am sure that the women in the Trying to Conceive forum will be able to help you with new ideas and encouragement.

I think that it is wonderful that you have lost that weight, yet I understand that a baby is the true desire of your heart and I hope that dream will come true for you very soon.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))),

Kathryn

[Lendi]

I'm sorry ;( That must have been so sad for you. It's difficult to feel someone elses joy when you are trying to deal with such pain. Congrats on the weight loss. That's great! I know this is little comfort, but think of it as a way of preparing your body to take care of a new life. You will be so much healthier, feel better about yourself. Maybe it will get your hormones balanced better so that you can conceive. Sending Big Hugs, Lendi

[DillyDallysMom]

i am so sorry that you are having to go thru this having been thru 7yrs of infertility myself and watching many friends and relatives have babies, i completely understand what you are going thru. it is a painful, bittersweet thing to have others around you have it so easy when you aren't getting the ONE thing that you truly want~not to say that you're not happy for them, but you're so sad for yourself that you can't be happy about anything. I also had a m/c and it took me 4yrs after that to conceive~that was 48 of the most painful months of my life, taking test after test and not having it happen~it tore my heart out every time.
i was not diagnosed with my PCOS until after i had my sons, so i look at them as my gifts from God. Don't give up! it can happen for women like us and having PCO isn't a life sentence. it sounds like you're doing great with getting some weight off, which they say is a big help in ttc~embrace that accomplishment b/c its a big one!!!!!!!!!!! i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. we're here for you anytime.

[lissafiller]

Thank you guys so much! You have no idea what it means to talk to someone who cares and actually understands how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because people treat me like the way I feel can't be justified.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers!!!

Melissa

[tammyembry70]

oh honey, I feel for you!!
I have been down that road. Spent years ttc and heartache after heartache I just kept going back for more. I knew that one day I would have my baby. Unfortunately, my spirit and pocketbook gave out before that ever happened.
I still see a baby/child and yearn for the one thing that I can't have. I have spent nights crying about a love that will never exist. Even though I gave up on my dream, it still hurts to know it will never happen.
It does get better if you make the choice not to ttc but it is still a hard road, but if you truly want to continue there are ways. Financially was the hardest for us, and we decided we couldn't do it. But I have known couples who save and try once a year.
Also, your medications may turn things around for you. I have heard of diet & meds making it possible for you to ovulate again.
I'm sure I haven't given you "advice" but just know we are here for you, and I have been there and know what you are going through, every difficult moment.

Tammy

[Tinkiecat]

I know how you feel, its really hard to see others around you getting the one thing you want most and cant seem to have. Dont give up, it took me almost 4 years to conceive my son prior to being dx with pcos, so it can happen, it just takes us longer. I have been ttc now for almost 2 years, and I have had several friends get pregnant and have babies in the time I have been trying. I get so depressed. Now one of my friends just found out today she is having a girl and she just keeps complaining she is so upset because she wants a boy! I would take anything!
sorry, didnt mean to go on... anyway I just wanted to say there are people here who understand and I hope you feel better soon.